Big Nig McPeters attended college to become the richest man in southwest Ohio. "One day I'll own the citizens of this part of Ohio like an ex-lesbian nurse with a large ****** owns boxes of paper face masks that don't do anything," he told his worst friend, Sheila Henderson who was so beautiful that many ex-lesbians were willing to forget everything they knew about ex-lesbianism to possess her for just 1 wild night of ex-lesbian passion.

One day, as I was rubbing termites into the ground, a famous sock executive approached me with a switch-blade knife. "Give me a billion dollars or I'll knife you!" He threatened. "I'm not a billionaire yet, *******," I replied confidently like I was Mister Big ****.