𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 Mar 24

Many settlers were eaten by muskrats during the Muskrat War of
1855. Tom, a young pioneer, settled down for a night of restful
sleep in his tent when all of a sudden he was eaten by a
muskrat, a smart-*** muskrat that would cleverly
assume his identity and go on to become a
wealthy Abraham Lincoln impersonator.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 Mar 23

𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦 (1976)

FOR FREE - 345 six-pound bags of frozen blood! Great for a 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦 movie party where you can be ***** Spacek for 30 seconds while someone drops a gallon-bag of gooey blood on you to make you crazy so you can summon Satan to **** everybody.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 Mar 22

“𝗗𝗿𝗼𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝘄𝗲𝗿𝘀!” 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝗴𝘂𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱. “𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝗯𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗲𝗲 '𝗲𝗺!” (¯`◕‿◕´¯)

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 Mar 22

My Volkswagen

1 day, when Queen Liz was sponge-bathing me, there was an
important telegraph from the emperor of Argentina urging
me to visit the palace right away. I swatted Liz on the ***
playfully. “Fetch my Volkswagen!” I ordered. “I'm
going to the capital city of Argentina right now!”

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 Mar 22

"First time I've ever been early for work, except for all those daylight savings days. Lousy farmers!" - Homer Simpson, working from home because of morbid obesity in "King-Size Homer"

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 Mar 22

Debbie, why are you crying? My mother was just eaten by cannibal Pygmies. Oh, is she going to be alright? Yes, I think so. Mom? Are you okay? Yes darling. I'm just a little sore.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 Mar 22

LET'S FILL UP ON BEANS every 28 minutes just to see what happens. I know of nothing more fun, except eating dog turds on a cat-fur bun.