I begged you to say nothing when the dentist was busy with the nurse behind the dumpster making babies, but you wouldn't listen. Now, ten lunar months later, the nurse (who still has large dumpster bruises on her fat ***) has a baby. Next time, say nothing.

WITH MUNG BEANS - I've always hated my uncle and planned for years "to get even with him." 1 day, as I was loading 50-pound sacks of mung beans into my Ferrari, I hatched a plan to knock him insensate with a sack of mung beans suspended 15 feet above his hammock. Everything went accordingly and he was knocked unconscious. There was blood everywhere.

No thanks to that. I prefer my beatings to be constant, with no let-ups. What about toilet breaks? What about them? My organization is willing to NOT beat you when you're sitting on the toilet. How come? To allow you to empty your bowels and void your urinary bladder while NOT being beaten. That's crazy. You WILL beat me without intermissions just as it's written in the contract. Even when you're asleep. Especially then. What about when you're engaged in personal things like scraping **** off your shoes or throwing rocks at old people? Well, maybe you have a point there? Okay. Don't beat me when I'm doing those two things. Agreed.