SHOCKING NEWS FROM HOLLYWOOD! Barbi Benton's love for Hugh Hefner (founder of 𝘗𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘺 magazine) made 14 million ex-lesbians furious. Once, while she was waxing her arm pits, there was a tremendous explosion in the master bathroom: Hugh had been pulling hand grenade pins when one fell on his *******. Emergency surgery was performed and Barbi happily donated skin from her ***** for grafting purposes. While convalescing, Heff wrote a beautiful song about Barbi's ****-skin and she did likewise about his maimed testicles. Fifteen years later Richard Gere inserted a greasy gerbil up his ****.

After buying an Italian restaurant Maria's natural beauty became tainted by lasagna. She was urged to remove it from the menu, but she wouldn't, and now she's dead. It could've been the series of experimental vaccines that killed her, but more likely it was the exposure to lasagna ingredients that overwhelmed her immune system.

ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴍᴏʟᴀʀ ɪᴍᴘᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

We kissed on the porch
that you set afire with a torch
as my only house burned
that I bought with Mexican
pesos that I earned in
Venezuela last spring
where I had gone to sing
sad songs about my
mixed-gender heritage

COULD IT BE A KELTIC RELIC FROM AN ANCIENT PEA-GREEN SEA? It was in queen Lizzie's cellar for 500 years before it disappeared. WHAT WAS IT? It weighed 9,000 tons and couldn't even be lifted by 20,000 godless Egyptians. It was a gift from Elohim for modern corporators & syndicators who butchered crocodilians & alligators. It stumped the choppers and chopped the stumpers. It came with fenders and chromium bumpers. It made the king sad and fair maidens service men who were eternally bad. It was everything, yet nothing at all as it grew less popular than Sears in Sarasota Mall. WHAT WAS IT ANYWAY, this thing that made gay men pay? Who can say?