And up ahead was Pittsburgh where I could spend the entirety of my day being gay and fun-loving and fun-lovingly gay in the presence of normal people, my people, people who appreciate normality and normalcy and normalness.

Nig McPeters attended college to become the richest man in southwest Ohio. "One day I'll own the citizens of this part of Ohio like an ex-lesbian nurse with a large ****** owns boxes of paper face masks that don't do anything," he told his worst friend, Sheila Henderson who was so beautiful that many ex-lesbians were willing to forget everything they knew about ex-lesbianism to possess her for just 1 wild night of ex-lesbian passion.

CRAZY TAMMY CHEATS ON GORDON - "Oh Gordon," Tammy began, "I thought you were deeply in love with me? The way you painted my house; lifted my fat sister high above your head; punched my mother to make her stop breathing and then punched her again to make her start."
   Gordon looked astonished and amazingly **** with his long ***** and urbane mannerisms. "I'm going away Tammy to a *****-shortening clinic in another country."
   "Oh no Gordy! Please don't have your ***** shortened! I love it so much. It brings such comfort to me," Tammy sobbed while her medium-big ******* hardened like crazy.
   "Listen Tammy: my ***** is too long. Admit it. Two weeks ago a woman with a hairy crotch threatened me with birth-control pills for ten minutes. Ten minutes!"
   Tammy turned away ashamed. "That was me Gordy. I was wearing a fake crotch wig to fool you."
   Gordon chuckled at that. "Here," he said while offering his ***** to her selflessly, "take my *****. Grip it firmly. I promise that I won't have it shortened."
   That August Tammy had a baby who was so black that Gordon suspected that she'd been ******* Negroes and he was right.

SUDDENLY Nig McPeters took the wig off his dead mother's head and threw it out the bus window. The passengers were shocked because the bus was struck by lightning. "This is God's doing!" Nig exclaimed as large gerbils attacked his ****** with the ferocity and ferociousness of 23 billion clones of Richard Gere. Later on, after several years had gone by, Nig became the wealthiest man ever to exist anywhere after stealing 12 trillion winning lottery tickets. "You are blessed by God," Nig's ex-lesbian neighbor and lover said 7 months before her ****** exploded from a hand grenade hidden in the rear part of her bikini *******.

When I was attending college as a young student before I became a billionaire, I often wore mismatched socks to important sock conventions that my college hosted every 3 weeks. One day, as I was rubbing termites into the ground, a famous sock executive approached me with a switch-blade knife. "Give me a billion dollars or I'll knife you!" He threatened. "I'm not a billionaire yet, *******," I replied confidently like I was Mister Big ****.