WHAT IF ATHLETIC NEGROES RAN THE UNITED STATES?
Americans would be so happy. Cars would never run out of
gas and small birds would be everywhere: flying up your
***; pecking your ****; laying eggs in your toilet.

Till yesterday I kept my scary spellings to myselff (like spelling
MYSELF with two effs). Now (now that I'm a new woman)
I can express myself freely like cows do at a dairy
(even though they're tethered to an
automatic milking machine).

Many settlers were eaten by muskrats during the Muskrat War of
1855. Tom, a young pioneer, settled down for a night of restful
sleep in his tent when all of a sudden he was eaten by a
muskrat, a smart-*** muskrat that would cleverly
assume his identity and go on to become a
wealthy Abraham Lincoln impersonator.