Will veterinarian-approved treatments prolong my dog's suffering? Yes, veterinarians are like you and me except they are forbidden to use toilet paper by law, so instead they simply jump into Lake Michigan after each bowel movement. Can a veterinarian have *** with a woman? No, veterinarians are unable to do that. If I marry a veterinarian, what will our children look like? Dogs. Will a veterinarian ever be the president of Urugay? No. Veterinarians, although they're like you & me except when it comes to toilet paper usage, are intellectually inferior to all people, except Haitians.

My grandfather managed the Doobie Brothers. He was a great friend of brothers Joe & Barry Doobie. 1 day, when the other Doobie brothers were having their toe nails pulled out to build pain-tolerance, my grandfather murdered 2 prostitutes. He never got caught, of course.

How would you like Ted Bundy shoved up your ****? That doesn't even make sense! How could you shove Ted Bundy up my ****? No, no, I meant Ted Kennedy, not Bundy. What?! That's even crazier! Ted Kennedy weighed 400 pounds! Okay, make it Ted Bundy then. How'd you like it if I shoved him up your ****? Fine. I'd like it just fine. Go ahead and shove Ted Bundy up my ****. Don't worry. I was just kidding.