CRAZY TAMMY CHEATS ON GORDON
"Oh Gordon," Tammy began, "I thought you were deeply in love with me? The way you painted my house; lifted my fat sister high above your head; punched my mother to make her stop breathing and then punched her again to make her start."
   Gordon looked astonished and amazingly **** with his long ***** and urbane mannerisms. "I'm going away Tammy to a *****-shortening clinic in another country."
   "Oh no Gordy! Please don't have your ***** shortened! I love it so much. It brings such comfort to me," Tammy sobbed while her medium-big ******* hardened like crazy.
   "Listen Tammy: my ***** is too long. Admit it. Two weeks ago a woman with a hairy crotch threatened me with birth-control pills for ten minutes. Ten minutes!"
   Tammy turned away ashamed. "That was me Gordy. I was wearing a fake crotch wig to fool you."
   Gordon chuckled at that. "Here," he said while offering his ***** to her selflessly, "take my *****. Grip it firmly. I promise that I won't have it shortened."
   That August Tammy had a baby who was so black that Gordon suspected that she'd been ******* Negroes and he was right.

The thirteenth greatest idea ever in modern tattoo history is eye-ball tattooing!

Your tattoos show people that you are tattooed.

It's cheaper, and less painful, to have your tattoos moved rather than removed. I had 7 inner thigh tattoos moved to my *** and I've never looked back.

January 14th is Brothers' Day, a day to celebrate brotherhood with your brother, but since I only have a half-brother (same mother, different father) we can only celebrate for 12 hours.

Today I scrubbed bird **** off my windshield, tomorrow I've got experimental, post-mortem brain surgery to perform on my uncle.

Throughout the series Joe Mannix was shot a dozen times and knocked out 55 times.

I want to scarf ripe bananas before driving to Negara with the sexiest chick in Jembrana.

Live life to the fullest by saying "Good-bye!" to high car-insurance payments and "Hello" to disease-free prostitutes. Say "*******!" to one-armed prostitutes and "Go to hell!" to Walmart garden department assistant managers. Scream "I love you Queen Liz!" even though she's dead and "I hate you King Bucky!" to buck-toothed Chucky while you dine like a pasha: ******* back brandy & wine; hiding in a rickety shed slapped together with pine.

"But why are you crying?" The dentist asked Tammy. "Because, you filthy son-of-a *****, the laughing-gas you gave me is fake!" She exclaimed loud enough to make another dentist fall off the toilet with a loud crash. "Jesus God!" The hygienist screamed because she was religious: "Another dentist has fallen off the toilet again!"