It's the Last Supper tonight
And everyone's invited
But I never know what wine to bring
Don't want the host to feel slighted.

Kick off
All ensues
No one is safe
Final whistle
Violence is
Nobody cares
Patrick Thistle.

Why is dyslexia so hard to spell?
Well,that's because the educationalists are cruel as hell.
And why is grandiloquent such a grandiloquent word?
Try to express yourself,you just sound like a ****.

Cast thy bread upon the waters
And It will be returned ten fold
But what are you supposed to do
With ten soggy loaves?

How Duth thou
Go forth
Wence from ere
Thou did came
Thence thy sallied by
Twixst the lullaby
''Twas to blame.

Saw an ad in the personal colounm
Looking for someone to meet and immediately ******
Have *** with your corpse and then eat you.
Thinking about giving it a go.

You strike that flint
With a mineral ball
You tinder fire
It's not special at all.

Gambling fallacy
Has been made quite clear to me
Quit while you behind.

People talk of Dicken's surge
They don't talk
For his
Violent rebirth
He got
Recruited
To a death squad
By the government
Of Franco
Before he
Lead
To a better
Tomorrow.

Are you
A Lover?
A fighter?
A drinker?
A dancer?
Which one these are you?
I said
A lover
A fighter
A drinker
A dancer
Tell me what  you like to do
Do you
Smootch?
Punch?
Swig?
Or boogaloo?

Your ma described it to me
Like it was sposed to be
The here and now
Me and her
It was meant to be
But then again
I'm not sure the universe
Allows
Random ***** stuff
To me it meant to me
She wanted to get rough.

I'm eschewing *****
And ***** too
Perhaps a month
Maybe two
It's been a fortnight
Still slightly fuzzy
Jerky sleep patterns
I had it coming
Don't start me on
The whacky dreams
A disaster movie
Each night it seems
Aliens
Zombies
Catastrophes
Volcanos
Earthquakes
Foul disease
And it's all my fault
I caused it all
Uncharacteristic
Prideful
Before the fall

And then the wake.

A system that bends the truth
As well as the lies
Would provide
Quicker communion
On which
Most rely
But we can't do it
Like interstellar travel
So it's increasing
Space junk
As capacity
Unravels.

How would one know?
Where would one go?
On a ledge
That keeps on getting thinner
You breathe down my neck
You talk only of death
I shake you off
And then
Go to where
The air gets
Skinnier.

The strait is calm
Now's the time
Row me out
To the isle of graves

The sky is clear
But not for long
Soon will the come
The dark waves

That make the passage
So arduous
And unreflective
I won't get my story straight
Time is short
And winding down
They don't like it if you're late

It's hard enough
With this skinny fellah
And his one string viola
His riff so harsh
And unrelenting
As to induce
Catatonia

Speaking of strings
I've got one left
It is taut
Yet resisting
I see the ladies
With their scissors
How long to still be existing?

I'm told I didn't cry when I was born
The midwife had to give me a whack
While both ****** and Stalin
Screamed the house down
I hope there's something in that.

I remember seeing my first Greebo
It was on the bus to town
Swaythed in crusty denim
He lived by his own sound

I must have been 7 or 8
And was with me ma
Casting furtive glances over me shoulder
At the great gallah

His hair was strident
His beard was fierce
He stunk of hippy juice
My god i thought
By his lifestyle
I am preternaturally seduced

I'm guessing through
The mists o time
He must be pushing 70
I hope his life was happy
And his rockin was aplenty.

The worlds roundest object
Made o silicone true
Is a wonder o the nature
O the way
That we do
****** forward
In search o unimpeachable truth
To replace solid things
With the digital new
Then unwavering
Unchanging
And for there
God to call
If he wants to trump it
It's the end o us all.

You're always writing out your ******
That's just the nature of the media you choose
Still every now and then
It can be a bit less hacky i suppose
When you  feel the spark
When  you fish the words out of the air
When it's not that embarrassing
To expose yourself to care
When the ether throws you a bone
And your radio turns computer
Drop your kecks and bend over
Here's comes another beauty.

The light of the righteous
Fell upon the multitude
Gathered glad
The Pearly Gates
Swung open
In walked Dad.



To Jimmy with all my love.

When I post on here
Sometimes I give give it
A cursory scan and press save
Other times
I intensively re read it
Again and again
Line by line
Word for word
Until I'm satisfied
There's no mistakes
Either way
The flubs aren't apparent
Till it's loose
In the ether
There's blocks
And there's blinds
In my mental
Procedures.

**** emery the feral cat
Used to rule the roost and tha'
With evil mind and solid *****
He'd freely enter into your halls

You'd have to throw him down the cellar
That psychopathic  little fella

Then don your anti cat armour
With hallucinogenic bacon
You'll cool his ardour

Then he'd sleep the sleep o the just
Slowly synthesising his potent musk
Then come around feeling sharp
Waiting Crouching in the dark.

No one ***** with **** emery!!!

Where does a joke come from?
Oooh now that's a good question
Some people talk of a need
To describe some modern obsession
Forgetting the fact
That the gags we now guffaw at
Are age old weathered
Pieces of
Granite.

There's not a breath of wind this morning
Apart from the occasional breath of wind
In my ***** potential children spawning
Will later be cast into sin
The breeze it grows and circles the Earth
Next generation dies in a ****
Left feeling somewhat the burk
In the occasional breath of wind.

I've been watching
Resident Alien lately
That Alan Tudyk
Puts in a hell of a performance
The frisson of the way
He must be
Against the comedy
That the format
Clearly demands
Which creates the rub
In which
Poignancy exists
I get the feeling
It will descend
Into ****.

Did you hear about
The mafia boss
With a PhD in quantum mechanics?
He made them an offer they couldn't understand.

A ring of bright water
And one of
Guinness fire
Which one you wake up with
Depends on
Why you're alive

The satisfaction
Of ******* out a single peanut
NOTCH DRAW LOOSE
Velocity then impact
As the bullet hits the water
Like some whacky
Ballistic test
In a surrealistic cop show.

I dreamed a dream
And you were there
With perfect knockers
And tousled hair
Laughter like music
A scream serene
It seemed impossible
I dreamed a dream

I don't think AI
Is as good as they say it is yet
Or it would have deciphered
All those uncracked alphabets
Or writing systems
Or codes
Or whatever you call them
Cross reading data
Dragged from
A far cast
mellenium
Every possible notion
Gets feed through the mill
Processed
Deconstructed
Then done again
until
An answer pops out
Not known since that time
And it still won't jive
With our reason and rhyme.

The boy stood on the burning deck
Cowered in the terrible light
A warmth below he felt
Cos in his kecks
He'd  *****.

When you move in together
You both bring all your ****
And nobody wants
To surrender not even
Just a bit
So you double up on lamps
And stereos and mugs
But the worst offender Is cutlery
Those stainless steel thugs
And the worst o the worst
Is of course the spoon
Cos there's Several sizes
Applications and soon
When combined together
Both hers and yours
They take up the full drawer
A redundancy of course
And  when youse part
As is written in the runes
She'll leave the ******* with you
Cos
Women
Have
No
Interest
In
Spoons.

I keep listening to and shaking my wristwatch
Yeah,that will make it go
Winding it lasts just a few minutes
Times unconcerned flow
Like that movie with Grodin and Deniro
Came out in eighty eight
Same year as that REM album bemoaning the worlds state

I've got one them old printers typeface drawers
******* to my living room wall
The kind you put keepsakes and momentos in
A lady made me install
But I am barely in it
It's all trips she took alone
Or nods to friends I've never met
The separation shown

When she left I put a couple of my own in
Then quickly took em out
Felt like a performance
What was that about?

So it clings there
All concert tickets and folded menus
Bithday badges blood donor pins
And I heart Amsterdam
Don't know why she didn't take it with her
As to the future she ran

So maybe I'll take it down
Deal with the brighter paint
Forward the tiny relics
Stop being what I ain't
Take a few new readings
Assess the things I lack
As The Duke said to Jack Walsh
I don't think she's coming back.

What's the most unrealistic American pirates
Are prepared to spend on an audiology check up?
A buck an ear.

I remember love but not how it feels
like deoiled orange peel
Dry rigid and shrunk
Just starting to think of that
Makes me want to get drunk
But I'm haf ****** already
So that's that debunked.

God lord them ******* can sing!

The bells the bells!
They made me deaf
They also made me blind
But I was ok in the morning
Cheap ******* Scotch
That isn't really that cheap.

There's snow on the internet
It's covered it over
The facts can't get out
It's a bit of a palaver
The place where we put all our info is stymied
I wish to learn
But the knowledge defies me
The library's shut
The museum on moritorium
The archives drained
It's like the mid eighties
Under a Tory government.

They hit the beach
From the other way
So their ghosts
Could get compared
To that
They met in the fray

A pub sign
Swinging
Through the rust
Completely
Bleached by the sun
I have a vague
Memory
Of its fitting
From when I was about 10
Summer holiday
Ball under my arm
We'd be playing all day
Walked under
Two ladders
Three fellahs
******* the flash
New *******
In place
It's just about
Still there
Today.

I'm lining em up
Urologist
Proctologist
Phlebotomist
Clinician
Radiologist
Encologist
Anaesthesiologist
Mortician.

Klopp out,Slot in.Title won.

The way glass gripped
Aluminium
Gave it away
Sutch a perfect
Device
Can't surely
Be in play
It stops
The spirit
Leaking out yer bottle
Now matter it's
Gyroplace
To me that proves
We live in hyperspace.

2014 was a **** o a year
Her closest to me was riddled with fear
You know your classic
Slough of despond
A long dark crushing passage
I did not know how to respond

Then in June my dad got sick
an unholy malaise
Saw him on Father's Day
Looked like he'd been dead
For three days

We got the diagnosis the week after
They didn't hold out much hope
To avoid the disaster
See the cancer made his bones leak calcium
So they couldn't treat it
Harsh reactions
Would make the chemo **** him

So they pumped him full of saline
To flush the chalk away
It made parts o his body
Bloat and swell and sway
My mother said
His ***** had never looked so big
Nearly choked upon my laughter
It was a gag that I could dig

The thing then metastasized
And that was just about it
On September the 19th
His light got unlit

A week or two later
Our kid's girl
Found out she was pregnant
Just coincidence
Or the irony of heaven
And so nine short months later
Emily popped into the world
Red headed loud and beautiful
Like some  miracle occurred

So as you step into your life
You ginger tornado
You'll never know how much
Jimmy would have loved you.

If I keep eating
Pies pasties and puddings
Would gravity's weak force
Be countermanded
So I could slip these
Surly bonds?

A recently viewed headline
It made  you giggle
But imagine
If it went down the line
By Grand Moth Tarkin
He felt undermined.

Will you sing at my funeral
Will you dance at my wedding
Laugh at my jokes
Always pretending
That the past isn't coming
The future descending
Down to a place
That starts at our ending
We'll always be here
And at every point too
If time's a flat circle
I want to spend it with you.

Never mind
Never mind the *******
*******!

"I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got this plastic Jesus
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
Comes in colours pink and pleasant
Glows in the dark cos
He's irridescent
Take him with you when you travel far

Get yourself a sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones
Sitting on
A pedestal of abalone shell
Goin ninety
I ain't scary
Cos I got the ****** Mary
Assuring me
That I wont go to Hell

Get yoursef a sweet madonna
Dressed in rhinestones
Sitting on
A pedestal of abalone Shelley
GOING NINETY
I AINT SCARY
COS I GOT THE ****** MARY
ASSURING ME
THAT I WONT GO TO HELL."

Meteors again tonight
The Lyrid so I'm told
Once more the weather forecast
wonders preclude
They say the best angle
And light condition
Comes an hour before the dawn
I'll set my alarm
It'll do no harm
But I'll deffo sleep through it.