Steven Spielberg called
And offered me and my identical twin brother a job
It was on his hatchery
We'd be monitoring
The defacatory habits
Of the livestock
We were to be
Close Hen Counters Of the **** Kind.

My father died of dyslexic alchoholism
He choked on his own Vimto.

Judge
Jury
Bailif
Death row guard
Priest 1
Executioner
Gurney orderly
Coroner
Private ambulance driver
Undertaker
Grave digger
Priest 2.

Ritchie Blackmore
On that white strat
that vid
Live between the eyes
Late summer 82

Just down the hill
From the Alamo
Pyro expected
And so given
from Ser Blackmore to you

Had it on VHS
The Beeb braoadcast it
At three in the morning
Got my autistic little brother
To set the recording

It's on YouTube now
And that's quite the relief
Was about to do battle
But it saved me the grief
From that box in the cupboard
Forty odd untitled tapes

They sit there in layers

And I haven't even got
A video player.

The terribleness of what you are
Cannot be viewed from afar
You've got to stick your head in it
Snort and gurgle your own ****
And when you high
On your fine farts
Tell the world
That this is art.

She had a thing for tapered candles
In a dildonourous way
Wick fully lit
On the end pointing outwards
Or So they say
But the same drugs
That fuelled her depravity
Sent her to sleep
As the flame burned on
stuck there in the deep
Luckily the candle blew out
And the wax hardened there
Once thought lubricant
Become sealant
Set standing there
And so the gods posed her
In an image so stark
An avante garde
Candlebra
Displayed in the dark

Milney's got the lurghy
Milney got the vid
He's stuck down there in Kernow
coughing spluttering
He's One sick lid

He should be in the pool now
A weekend away from ******
No fine wining and a-dining
It really is a *******

But he's stuck there in st Agnes
ill with the doggies on the beach
Instead of rolling round
In cocktails
Fuckery just out o reach

I've given up sarcasm for lent
It's going great.

In the immortal words o  the late great Jonny Mathias
Oh ** oh oh oh ** oh ** oh **
Oh ** ** oh ** oh oh ** oh **
Oh ** ** ** **
Oh ** ** oh
Oh ** oh **
Oh oh ** oh **.

Wrench what
There then
Up the front then round the back again
Over a bit toward what you want
Do a back flip into your own font
Talk to the ether
And expect an response
Take an audit of what you true want
Remember the thing
And then immediate forget it
The thing that you are
Is the sweat off the dickith.

It must have been
One hell of an extension cable
From the Hathor's basement
To the Giza power station.

Once there was nothing
But nothing
Wasent having that
It wanted to be something
Something other than nothing
Yet there was nothing
And that should have been the end of that
Then there was something
So nothing must have worked it out.

If you've listened to to the rhythm
O the drivin rain
Telling you
Just what a fool
I've bin
Then surely
You can listen
To the retracted pain
Of telling you
I would begin again.

Got that sickness
Makes you sweat and shiver
At the same time
Makes your bones ache
Like they might vibrate apart
Nausea rises and swells
Just like Noah's Ark
Delerium not Tremens
Adrift in the dark
Is it night or day?
Am I hot or cold?
Like the ills of childhood
Like the ills of old
It'll pass soon enough
And then i will not care
That I feel I've been poisoned
And thrown down the stairs.

When you walk
And then talk
Do you do it straight?
Or Are you bent on inclination?
The modern debate
Tiller handle movement
Has no effect on the wake
Could you look at yourself?
How much o this could you take?
And then expect it o them
That are clearly involved
With themselves
And the void
Hanging
Off
Of
Satans
Prong.

Scrooge would be just about clocking off now,the **** piece.
But at least he led by example.

Laughter is involuntary
A knee **** so they say
Nexus to and exit from
The darkness
Way hey hey

What are you laughing at?
I don't find that funny
I am appalled
And your in stitches
To me that makes you scummy

Giggling or not at the horror
Wether Death,disease or blight
is something instantaneous
Neither wrong or right
Then weigh and mull it later
At your leisure through the night

We've got the Greeks
To thank for that
Formulating our condition
To laugh or frown
Or roll your eyes
Is not your own decision.

Mama cass
Shoulda passed
On that ham Sandwich.

That's a horrible thing to say
When she passed
They was no drugs
In her system
And she deffo
Did not choke
On no ham sarney.

Today begins the Tenebrae
The extinguishing of candles
The gradual diminishing of light
Then a loud noise in the darkness
It's not practiced much these days
You need the requisite clergy
And the will to witness after midnight
the desire for which deserts me
It seems older than Christ
Redolent of the Egyptians
Like Sekhmet in her Karnak chapel
Unlit
Against time
Resistant.

Like Hunter's nervous recall
But the memories
Fall back
Not rise forth
To the time
When they were
Of course
Not the late sixties
Remembered in 71
But from this very evening
To decades long gone
To a place that was blurry
And hemmed in with fear
No sense of the self
Seemed anywhere near
So with the right set of eyes
You can climb up the hill
And see
The low water mark
Sitting there still.

They saw them at Mcminville
They had nothing to gain
Betty and Barney Hill
Experienced real pain
At Rendlesham forest
They ****** with the recruits
In Phoenix in 97
It seemed the governor
Was in cahoots
The go fast
The tik tak
The gimble
And the cube
The ******* huge triangle
But it's not evidence accrued
Cos they would have to land
At The Don's inauguration
And even that
Wouldn't  cure my
Constipation.

What ever happened to Selina Scott?
Like lady Di
But way more hot.

Just made a big whacky lasagne
Had bacon and chopped roasties
But no onion
Neither mushroom
Nor basil
But I had the the right cheese
Squashed the garlic I had
Seeped through the mozzadool
******* tasty stuff
Had me down on my knees.

The Holy Spirit descended
Upon the ****** Mary's chamber
It was the 24th of march

"Oh hi H!" Said Mary
"Gabe',said you be comin round
But I'm not sure what we doin
His clues thin on the ground.
He seemed a bit flustered
So what is it you want?
He made it sound important
Kept staring at his feet"
H S stroked his chin
Dropped his kecks
Asked
"Do you know what this is?"
She said
" I cannot conceive "
He bade her hold that thought
He would make her believe.

Your tongue will dig your grave
Yeah but  that will take awhile
And in the meantime
The displaced earth
Will roll back
Into the pile
From wence it started
So it goes
Like yer man Sisyphus of old
You'll die mid pisstake  baby
Just like you done bin told.

America passes
Mother's Day
Just over
A month after
But we
Celebrate the dads
On the
Same day
Without laughter
Allowing
For the worlds turn
Against
All
Disaster
The
Weird
Thing
Is
The
Mas
Are
Still
*******
Plastered.

There's always bin the idea
O two sets o books
Ever since books were invented
A curious process in which we all are involved
It's what keeps us from going demented

One set the truth
That unravels unheeded unseen perhaps
By those around who look on
The other your truth
Somewhat tailored but blurred
Of what you thought
You'd become

Cos the moral compass has no external dial
To ink on your page no one listens
So You can write down the details
However you like
Talk about a double entry system.

We've built our church on the ruins of yours
It's always been that way of course
Sumarian Egyptian Hittite Inca
Reappropriation was what they were into
And rightly so
Can't waste that foundation
Took some of it with them
As they altered their nations
Through horror and peace
Some stone gets chipped off
The passage of time
Grinds down and smoothes rock
To a differing shape
Somethings lost
Somethings gained
But there's never been history
Without shouting and pain
So we'll build our church
on the ruins of theirs
Again and again through the
Cycling years.

That memory you have sculpted
Though of course it was not you
Is starting to the take the polish
From being so often viewed
You used to view it as intractable
but you're beginning
To catch on
that perfect sunset
The day that you met
The moment your father died
Editing software
Gives a parallel.

From my lungs to your ears
And then hopefully your brain
The squishy bit in the midfield
That copes with love and pain
The Hypothalamus spreads
Joy and doom through the land
Secreting oxytocin  
From the pituitary gland

Not to be confused
With the hippopotamus
Which controls memory
Short term not bottomless
That might explain
Why we do it again
And again
Walking the line twixst
Love's
Heaven
And
Hell

All of a sudden
Is a phrase that
I keep thinking of
As if it
Could
Spark something
That would make
Me worthy of
The people who went
Before
Those that kept keeping on going
To give us this point
On which we keep failing.

What ever happened to flashers?
You don't seem to hear about em anymore
maybe the amount free online depravity
Is enough to keep the filthy **** offs indoors
But surely the act itself
Cannot be restrained for long
It's that compulsion
That drives them
In open air
To swing
Their
****.

Target acquired
We got him on the thermal imaging
Yet he neutralised the threat
We could not launch against him
He walks twixst the raindrops
He hides in plain sight
All attempts to bring the hammer down
Just end up in *****
He seems so protected
Just what has he done?
To have the machine and the earth
Pressed under his thumb

Tilly licks her lips,when the vinegar hits the chips.
Don't you know? Now,
she does back flips.
She'll walk by your side
If you have some scampi fries
or perchance , a Cheesey moment,
when it comes to food
She'll brook no opponent,
Were I to die
She'd eat my components.

It's all on her terms,
She don't need you or no one else,
She has herself,
But what's that in your hand?
Could it be something she might understand
To be human food?
Always in that mood,
She will not be misconstrued.

The depths o distain
Where you hold yourself
The heights o attain
Where you shoot yourself
The heart o the Brain
Where you make yourself
But the love you distain
That's where you
**** yourself.

South Park must have watched
The Life Of Brian
Liked  the 360  degree
Vitriol spraying
And then thought
Where did they get it from?
Spike Milligan.

When the cab swerves
Between Judaism and Romanesque
That turn is on top
It could deffo get you wrecked

Just past the Rialto
If your cabbie ain't sharp enough
It could all go castrallto
***** ground into dust


But thank Christ that don't occur that much
You get home safe most days
The oversteer compensated
He straightens up For the front page
That could have happened
The day after the next
About some seatbelt deniers
Who ended up in a hedge
The latest o the dyers.

The Mars Opportunity Rover
Conked out in 2018
After fourteen years a wandering
Across the dusty plains
Over fifty times
It's life expectancy
The plucky little *******
Rolled on
Finally succumbing
To a massive dust storm
Separated from the sun
Of course
It never uttered
It's famous last words
They were gleaned
From the final data dump
But the internet got hold of it
And in its throat
It had a lump

Oppy didn't
Self anthropomorphise
She did not know what that was
She just died
Scared cold and lonely
In service to her god's

Chistmas in prison
Christmas out at sea
Christmas round the in laws
Christmas alone with me

Christmas at the wainwrights
Christmas in the I.C.U
Christmas in Carcosa
Just the yellow king and you

He won't dress as Father Chrimbo
In his tattered robes he'll stay
As he eats all time and space
No prezzies he'll display

He won't watch vintage two ronnies
As the black stars rise
And in terrible twin sunlight
Your soul will be his prize.

If there's fifty ways to leave your lover
How come you only mention five or six?
Is that because a magician
Never reveals all of his tricks?

And if we live in the land of a thousand dances
What's with the paucity of description?
I'm starting to think these people
Just forge and deal in fiction

Or at least vast overstatement
Followed by unironic litotes
The limits of the form laid bare
Soon covered by the vagaries

Of broken hearts
George Throughgood
Projected a final score of
Two thousand
I'd like to see him
Name a tenth of them
The mans all mouth and trousers.

Shot through the hip
On Flanders field
Left to infect and die
As the quagmire
Slowly
Revealed
How quick it is
To mulch the young
To the Earth
Up pop the poppies
To show that
What was
Worth

He fell out of the poet tree
          And
               Hit
        Every
                   Branch
                                 On
                           The
                       Way
                  Down.

When the lightning
Strikes the eruption
What is forged in the smoke
Will fall immediate to earth
See it rolling down the *****
Bouncing off of boulders
Striking sparks in the gloom
Creating filaments
Dark gossamer
For the coming terrible loom.

I have a problem with timing
I can't do a soft  boiled egg
They either come out solid or slimey
As I hop from leg to leg
I know the time and temperature
I'm waiting with a spoon
But I drift off or go early
Ovoid perfection is doomed.

A weekend of Millney
Grows thicker
Through the years.

I've just been offered a job
General Director Of Business
I know not of the nature of
this queerness
In terms of the
The direction of
This business
Wether general
Or not
The new year wind
Brings a chance
To slough and shake off
Anything that you want.

A friend of mines mother just died
I haven't seen him for awhile
But when I think of him
It always makes me smile
I haven't got his number.

Tilly licks her lips
When the vinegar hits the chips
Don't you know now
She does backflips?

She'll walk by your side
If you have some scampi fries
Or perchance a cheesy moment
When it comes to food
She'll brook no opponent
Were  I to die
She'd eat my components.

Round the corner from
McCartneys home
High as six kites
Me and tony did  gloam
From gobshite the clown
On what seemed a wind up
Stevie had just wound up
Took several calls back to make sure the truth
A young man had just ripped himself out by the root
Played Sunday league the next day
For the wrong team
And then later headed to Anfield
For the game
Gainst the Mancs
Which we won
Two nil
The funny thing
Stevie
Worked in the box office
There was six empty seats
All round about us.