The three heaviest stones ever hewn and then placed
Rest in Jupiter Baal
27 years before Christ was born
By the the Romans
Long before their fall

Each close to 800 tons
Hoisted 30 foot in the air
And fitted so tight
You can't tell em apart
Put together with unfathomable care

But the quarry they're cut from
Not a mile away
Holds wonders even more vast
Three monoliths with a joint weight
O  4000 tons
Sit waiting  forlorn on the grass

The pregnant
The forgotten
The southern
Carved but never  transported
Will idle the ages
In dour unemployment
Their installation
Never reported.

A triumph in the moonlight
Hackneyed *****
In the cold light
Of this cruel
Saturday

What's gotten into yer
What is it that blows you away?
You had it so straight in your head as well
The family were there
Ears cupped
Filled with care
Determined to get your back pay
Industrial accident
Your ******* in traction
The boss man keeps
Laughing all day

I like them flat peaches
But they take an age to soften up
Then you turn round
For a second
And they've  turned
Into a rotten pulp.

I fell down the steps
Of the Lincoln memorial
It really hurt my knees
I fell down the stairs
Of the Lincoln memorial
In front of
Near a hundred
South Koreans

We went to
Holsten's
And sat in Jimmy's booth
Bout a month before he died
Should have seen it there
In that final episode
It was written
All over his eyes.

How to navigate the planet
And where the planet is
To use the correct verbiage
And how to raise your kids
How to cook the food you eat
And to talk to your friends
To formulate your stance
and execute your ends
Instruction
On the way to feel
About the coming
Amalgamation
To assimilate
For the greater good
Or live in isolation.

Here comes the chosen one
Back for another go
The disc beard man
Has laid them low
So he had to depart

For Canaan calls them home
A new land by the water
That they might grow in strength
That they might  be what they aught to

Led from the desert harsh
To the haven
Of the bay
To begin again in hope
To bask in the nurturing  rays
Of the soon glory days

So King David has returned
And that fits
For he is
Between Moses and Christ
To these poor Evertonians

Last seen approaching low
At the bottom o Shaw St
Riding side saddle on his ***
He'll be there by this evening.

You can cut and banter
About form and intent
And about the nature of where
Intensity is meant
But from what is implied
To what that gets said
You've got to give to them Millwallians well met

No one likes us
No one likes us
No one likes us
We don't care
We are Millwall
Super Millwall
We are Millwall
From the Den.

Theres a war between hamsters and toads
How it started nobody knows
But it's lasted now
Since time out of mind
And the hate simply has not declined

A border dispute?
Or more Tonton macoute?
Hamsters don't go for it subtle
While the toads they abide
And wait for stars align
And know now its time to throw down

For thousands o years
It's was nothing but tears
Though neither are capable o crying
Through relentless attrition
And murderous ambition
By the countless millions
They were dying.

But there's news from the front
Arbitration's afoot
There be disrupters
Of slime and of fur
They want peace and not war
To both kings they implore
Pointless hatred
Must be denied.

Sometimes
I do it immediate
Unthinking and smooth
Like a YouTube vid
Of well practised worker
Droned out in his groove
Others it quite pathetic
A full ten minute production
Am i teasing it the right way
Rub
Pull
Blow
Even desperately applying suction.

Early
Mid
Late
Never.

Like Bill Murray at the end of Scrooged
I'm overcome with emotion
And it's not just the *****
Unfettered sentimentality
Swiftly accrued
As I roll round in mawkishness
That I consume like food
Pining for that which I let die
And would again
To myself I just lie
I wouldn't know the truth
I'm an alien to it
Like some bastardised reverse ******* Jimmy Stewart.

Are you hungry?

A host of disappointed optimists
Crestfallen once again
The odds were stacked against them
But they remembered when
A Ronnie Radford or Micky Thomas
Could explode a tiny ground
the roof would come off the place
An exhilarating sound
But as it drained down to ninety minutes
With chances growing thin
A thousand tin foil FA Cups
Are going in the bin.

If men can be rakes
And the ladies get called hoes
What garden tool
Are the sexless
Do you suppose?

I've been staring at a greyness of late
No joy to which I relate
Feeling both ancient and infantile
It'd be nice to be alive for awhile.

It's a cycle or so they say
From singin the blues to feeling gay
Sort the laughs out into a pile
Yes I'd like to be alive for awhile.

The mood is different the laughs are old
By your father you have been forestalled
Who layed it down in that old sweet style
I remember he was alive for awhile.

I love Easter
It like a more honest Christmas
A few months stumbling
To really what what's life is
To take the glory
Then run?
Or take the deal
Already spun?
The Apostles
All dealt in their own way
Wether the 30 bits of silver
Or Crucified upside down to deliver
The affirmation
Of the light
The truth
And the way.

How does love work?
The mechanics
The chemistry
Then the circumstances
The chances
The mystery
How does it maintain
When time lays down
It's sophistry
But then again
Look at all
Those
Whom
Are
Not into
Me.

The pan is hot
The oil it spits
Yesterday's *****
Has given me the *****
If I drop it in right
I get those bubbles that I like
Thin and crispy
And crunchy to the bite
**** hot and salty
And peppery to the max
Each one o these tasty *******
A step to heart attacks
Though the greeze and the salt
Might stop me feeling rough
I'm going back to
New York City
I do believe I've had enough.

Chernobyl fall out!
Chernobyl fall out!
Russian ******
Are nowt to shout about!

The throb you feel or you don't
Bounces off of some of
The things
That you want
But then again
There's the general malaise
That imagines
With no evidence
The things that you crave.

We couldn't see atoms
In any kind of visual way
Till about thirty years back
And before that they did say
You'll never be able to see em
Not enough luminosity they display
Once you zoom in that far enough
The photons *******
So way hey hey

But they didn't reckon on
The sensitivity of advancement
And now
The image forms
With a radiological shift
They all look like golf *****
On Gods sacred pitch.

Is it an itch
Or an urge?
A ballad
Or
A dirge?
Or a chance
For you
To purge
Your bowels?

Every breath comes with effort
Every step with pain
The ****** things you did
Flash over and over again
You never see your friends
And they have never seen you
Once ruddy with passion
Now you just feel blue
Ache
Cough
Splutter
Limp
Arched over like aged cast out toothless chimp
Can't connect to the world
To my dim eyes
It's just crazy
I said it once
And I'll say it again
I wish the lord would take me.

I had a friend
Thirty years ago
He had nowt
Didn't have two ha'pennys to rub together
Managed to get himself
A little Handcart
He went round
Collecting all old newspapers
Day and night he toiled
Seven days a week
And twice on Sunday
To one day make his fortune
And do you know what he's worth today?
NOTHING!
And he still owes for the handcart.

I looked right at it
They told me not to
Now I'm walking into walls
My retinas shot through.

All hail the Toblerone
King of the awkward chocolates
If you buy a big one on a plane
It'll drain all of your pockets
Of residual dollars or euros
Bhatt **** or lek
Or **** it!
Why not dash off
Your last travellers cheque

Honeyed almond sweetness
Who could decry that
Only the honeyed almond intolerant
And you can never trust them *****
Just it's satisfying chunkiness
It's heft and it shape
Is something deeply pleasing
The chocolate biscuit it doth take

It's true name lost to time
It should be Tobler one
For its creator was named Tobler
And he'd only just begun.

But there he stopped.

The quick brown fox
Jumped over the lazy dog
He could not be bettered
Like a super efficient postman
He just run out o letters.

When the twist of the evening
Has twirled out of sight
Through the fog
The afterglow of fever
Felt all night
And on through the day
You still can't sleep
Take 12 pirinase
And you'll soon be on your way.

I imagine Silent Echo
In the afterlife
He turns up
In the middle of a management shake up
After the strike
They need some new angles
To enhance the customer experience
So a couple of classics
Need some updating
And Echo gets assigned
A job he's perfect for
The guideded tour
Microphone man
For the trip across the Styx
Pointing out humorous
Historical murderous mistakes
As Charon rolls his eyes
He's heard this *******
Spiel now
A couple o billion times.

It's not Tuesday
I hear you say
I believe that
Does matter anyway
Good lord
The facts are not real
So get ready for incredible speed
I say things that you cannot believe
But get ready
For stuff
That
Makes you
Feel
Real.

Just a sherry at Christmas
Or your liver in a sling
Maybe one o them
For whom
Abstinence is the thing
We spread across the boozey map
In all the directions there are
Negotiate the contours
As we head toward the bar
Some move to the desert
Where there barely falls a drop
Some might as well live in the ocean
The soak that never stops
Some imbibe for giggles
Others to ward off life
To many it's a form of marriage
The sauce she is my wife
Wether  slightly buzzed
And connected
Or too arseholed to think
We see the city on the hill
As where we go to drink.

How many cats
Do you think
You could fight?
If a host came at you
Out of the night

Your not allowed a weapon
It's fist versus claw
So there is no deception
Under  cat law

Don't worry bout animal cruelty
The god's agree
You're above opprobrium
You cannot flee

You've started so you'll Finish
You must go on to the death
No matter the toll
On your corporeal health

You must be stripped to the waist
No belt
No shoes
Interspecies fight club
Except you can spread the news
Of the licks that you took and the numbers you slew
From the  plié of dead moggies
Down that you threw

That's if you survive
The feline Blitzkrieg
For they could easily end you
And they will not grieve .

Probably
About
Tuesday
Afternoon.

Is that a **** or ***** stain on my carpet?
I really can not tell
I've got no idea how it got there
I'm not feeling very well.

There's untold matter
Outside the void
You'd think
Some of it
Might want to get in
To give its selves
A bit more room
Reorientation
Again.

How many electricians does it take
To change a lightbulb?

Essentially inedible
Is that all
That terrible?
When you consider
Where the criticism came from.

I used to walk past
A basement Dojo
On my way work
The legend on the lintel read
THIS SCHOOL IS BUILT ON TRUST
A noble statement
A fine endeavour
Talk about **** or bust

A beautiful idea
A place open to the world
Balanced on the good conscience
Of everyone concerned

The feeling of connection
When all hold the pact
And that of betrayal
When character is lacked

But that's the only way
If your going to walk that path
To feel the sun upon your face
Never fearing for your back.

The only thing stopping you
Is that massive unclimbable boulder
You pretend can't be walked around.

It's Life Of Brian season
I'll watch it a couple of times this week
As we slide into Easter
Christianity's peak
Malcolm Muggeridge called it tenth rate buffoonery
Casting stones made of disingenuousness
Though they could hardly be accused of flagrant too soonery
The Bishop of Southwark clutched his pearls
It's like they never heard of the sacred and the profane
To throw mirth at the infallible
Everyone gets it
Everyone to blame
We all have an effect
Wether in or out the game.

Butch and Sundance
The times a changing
The old west receding
Modernity raging
There's clocks
And watches all over the place
Well it's too late now
Said Sundance to Butch
The futures all yours you lousy bicycle
Butch replied
The sepia soon replaced.

I remember a fella
At war with his self
At times he seemed lost
But not beyond help
He howled at the moon
He wept to the rain
The ants in his pants
Then lived in his veins
His verse was beauty
It was warm
It was tight
Right up to the day
That he turned
Out
The
Lights.

You kiss em
You rub em
You **** em
You put your mouth on em
Or something.

Frosties aren't Frosties anymore
They've changed their tack
The sneaky ******
They are now Shreddies
(The frosted one)
Sounds like AI Tolkien
The end's begun
Here I was trying to be healthy
A victim of marketing stealthy
Bracketed smallprint
Unbecoming
I still put extra sugar on em.

Ozzy's not quite the prince o darkness anymore
No more coke no more ******
The road miles and habits
Have piled on the damage
Hardly surprising
The man was a savage
His lower colon
Is now like liquidised spam
Sharon has to deal with
The diarrhea of a madman.

I knew a fellah called
Henry Dumbell
His son changed his name by deed pole
And died in a skydiving accident
Six months later.

If you don't feel hungry
Why eat?
Is that not the essence of defeat?
If You can't export it
Complete
The thing you meant to defeat.

My father died of dyslexic alchoholism
He choked on his own Vimto.

I remember when
And it wasent
That long ago
The nature of the now
Changed
When the
Nature
Of the
Nature
Went unnatural
Somehow
And yet
It gets
Thinner
With
Time
But
It
Takes so long
It's like the dripping
Of lime