I met a lady in a pub
And we got on well
The chat was easy
And flowed both ways
I could feel a connection
And I think she did too
The time ran quickly
The last bell rung
Our eyes met
And the lady said
I've enjoyed speaking
To you
I've haven't laughed
Like that in ages
I feel you felt it too
She said
I'd invite you home
But I'm on my menstral cycle
I'm replied smoothly
That's ok queen
I'll follow you home
On my Honda.

I did not issue
And I'm not that sorry about that
But to those who did I tip my hat
they did the work that I would not
With  faith and love
That I could not
Bring  my self
To bite the bullet
I was not able
To stand upon it
And I'd do it  again
Cos what you are so rarely changes
We set our path in certain ranges
And though I would not readily leap
I say
I still hold my manhood cheap.

Monosodium glutamate
Applied with
Equal
Love and hate
Is the
Sweet reverie
That's beyond the debate
Of spicy fried chicken *****
Rolling round on my plate.

It like going to that new David and Goliath movie
And them wanting you
To be shocked at the result
Some entertainment
Shows right in front
Well it doesent show you
But you come preinformed
The curse of the biopic
No story forestalled
Especially if your a fan you tut your way through
You know they didn't do it that way
You wonder why they don't sue
Or at least their estates
Jealous guardians of legacy
Or money grubbing shysters
Rolling round in ignominy
Just look what the *******
Have done to the work's of Tolkien.

What does that word mean to you?
If it exists
Which it doesn't
So let's reality eschew
It deffo means somat
To everyone what reads it
Like being in the well
Of the world's biggest cathedral
Lie on the floor and look up
You feel every pound
Of the rock
That was shaped
To make you feel this
And what's wrong wid dat
A nexus built
To make one emote
The thing bigger than you are
What you are
When that is felt
Let us feel it
And then repair
To the bar.

You need something to ang
On to in ere
Stop you goin under
Can't buck the system
Mad to try
But you can
Lift the heart
With the occasional
Little victory.

He said,
Oh my god it's ****'s enormous!
Looks like it fell
Off of a brontosaurus.

She said,
Look out love,
It could knock you down!
It could quite easily level this town,
Glass and rubble all around.
My god it's gonna **** the town hall!!!

Chewits
advert late 70's.

Some disagree with the timeline
Say the Romans didn't go for big blocks
That it don't jive with their efficiency
Always against the clock

Some claim it was Alexander
About three hundred years before
Some even say its impossibly ancient
Posit lost civilisations galore

These shouts are fantastic by nature
Fly in the face o evidence compiled
By generations of strident experts
Disputed by casual tourists
Modern lazy thinking defined

Their points are stretched and wooly
Methodology sketchy at best
The work has been done
They're just having fun
These dolts
The paladins detest

It cannot be true
History has been proved
by research constant and heavy
That's correct I suppose
But Lord heaven knows
thats what they said bout Gobekli Tepe.

Just watched a ***** in which
A young lady has *** to *** relations
With several young enthusiastic gentlemen
In the back of a 1930's vintage roadster
It was called "******,****** *******."

Bald cat with no money
Gets on a bus
Driver says
Where's yer fur/fare?

"You came to me this morning and you handled me like meat,you'd have to be a man to know how good that feels"

Leonard Cohen "Recital" radio city music hall April 2013.

I have not been what I should
Nor done the things I clearly could
I did not try to grasp the nettle
Instead stared blank into the kettle
Which of course did not boil
Still water with no hint of roil
I was and were and that still more
A passive shadow at your door
That would not knock
For fear of answer
A fool who would not take his chances
Deported to the moon
To forever sit
Infinitesimally
Buried
In
Regolith.

Sparhawk threw an SG at me
At least that is
In my memory
He took a couple o turns
Before the release
Like some hammer thrower
Afire like a beast
The road crew
All lost they ****
They could not believe
The fire he'd lit
But no one got hurt
At least that I know
They came back
Twice more to ******
The show.

I don't know you now
Since the day you went to town
And came back to me.

I think I've seen
AI videos
About how much
Sleep you need
But
Good lord
I'd feel terrible
If I've
Human relieved.

Do you remember
Chorlton and the wheelies?
Through the mist
It comes quite freely
But probably not that accurately
My friend

There was an angry
Welsh Witch
Cruel but unarousing
Like a some Marxist
Maggie Thatcher
On the prowl
But Chorlton was
Neurodivergent
To him it was not urgent
To seek vengeance on blodwyn
To make her howl.
But that only made her worse
To spit bile and curse
Which always led to her downfall



Clearly he won every week

Been watching
These yankie police bodycam vids
Yeah i know
Thats some low hanging ****
Both funny and depressing as ****
***** and drugs are involved
Every time that you look
At this classic behavioural sink
At first you assume
That their attitudes just stink
But then you realise
When in this state
It allows one to access
The Demons Of Hate
They live just outside the blood brain barrier
Once a level is breached
They attack like a harrier
It's that dimension
A Planck length
Off of your skin
The horrors of the Cosmos
Drew deadly in
Then released in our world
In repetitive spite
But they don't stay long
Steals a lot of energy
Leaving their host
Aghast and incredulous
Like post nut clarity
They often poignancy invoke
One mumbled
"I'm a cancer researcher,that's why I smoke".

Friday thinks it's Saturday
Yet that day
Throws its hands in dismay
As it knows it's bound to
Sashay
In to Sunday's
Malaise

She asked the wiseman
Could he describe nothing
He said no
But he'd have a go at everything
He began with
Aardvarks

Will the days
All fall away
Or is it
Just this one
Here to stay?

What do I owe you?
Have you kept track?
Deferred from what You owe me
Its in the ledger at the back
But that won't be much
the borrowing was one way
You were the primary lender
Far from predatory
I'd say
The interest
You levied
Accrued
Not collected
My returns
To you
About
What you expected.

When your looking at the point of an image
I think they call it the bokeh
How long till your eyes wander round
And settle on the details unfocused
Not quite sharp
Perhaps underexposed
Somewhat in the dark
You don't know why
Your mind fell upon it
But there's sommat there
Though it's clearly not clear
sometimes the background
Is the hot ****.

Imagine the stock
You come from
Your brother
Your sister
Your father
Your mum
The pool of the soup
The essence of bread
The things you decided
Went on in your head
To have a brother
So close to your age
Is a blessing
According to
Mr Farnsworth.

A cat on a wall
In this oppressive
Evening heat
It still seems
So cool
While it's fur
Clearly
Gives no relief
But it full knows
What the humans
Don't know
Don't have a shout
All else
From humanity
Laughs
Knowing
What
Will
Come
About.

Staring out the window
Can't find the words
I crave
Trying to get this finnished
Coffee keeps goin
Back in the microwave.

Two minutes to midnight
The hands that threaten doom
Two minutes to midnight
To **** the unborn
In the womb.

When you look into
The oft talked about
Black mirror
Depending on the light
Your face seems thinner

Your features sharpen
Your eyes fill in dark
Like a cute super villain
Not one of them that
Lurks in the park.

What's that thig that you Yanks do?
From the civil war to World War Two
From Getsyburg to the sea o tranquility
That haunting sound gets driven into me
Through the smoke and swathed in reverb
The nations emotions
Sonically preserved
Uniquely you
You ******* own it
That old evocative
American trumpet.

Like Shaw and Dreyfus
Like Kubrick and duval
Like Klinski and Herzhog
Just like Derek and Clive
A bit like Eric and Ernie
Not at all like Cannon and ball
Antagonism is a tactic
Not loved by one and all

Sam and Dianne
Tony and Carmela
Vera and Jack
Bobby and Shiela
Boston
Jersey
Weatherfield
Liverpool.

He went looking
But couldn't  find it
Anywhere
The fuel in his tear drop gas tank
Could of took him beyond care
After a realisation
That tear drop explodes
The American dream
Red White and Blew
All over the road.

Let us walk upon the earth
Feel the sod twixst the toes girth
The universe shrunk to human level
That kind  o thing
Can make you feel terrible
But that's the exercise
From max to mini
What it is huge
Without me
Is scant
Withinme.

Not people with friends
Into the collective
We dare not descend
Or is that just me
Refused entry
By not knocking on the door
Not even walking up the street
Not even getting off the bus
Not even getting on the bus
Scanned the timetable with horror.

The delay between the bite and the taste
The eight and a haf minutes wait
For the sun's rays
To penetrate
The good Earth

Try and swat a fly with your hand
Your brain will put it in another place
Like some winged Lomachenko
In the space
Where your swipe was not

A similcast that is out of phase
You hear the goal
Before it's visually displayed
That brings dismay

And then of course
There is the worst
When you get kicked
In the *****
And time gets reversed
Then know you've got
A second or two
Before you cry.

There must be strategy and tactics
If they are not the same thing
Spacing pacing
Distribution o sizes
What does it take
To win all the prizes?
Is it resist first or tug?
Or maybe give it a shove
Oh no that clearly won't work
Blitzkrieg or endurance test?
As you sweat there in yer vest
It may seem completely manual
But it helps if you have read the manual.

Norm McDonald's moth
Dave Allen's clock
There's some comedy bits
That are just off the hook
Mitch Hedberg's rice
Bill hick's wax dart
Norm again with
Janice in the woods
It's an art
To encapsulate
Pathos bathos
And litotes
Like that
with
Absurdism bubbling
It's an Hell o an act.

Why would you not
Believe
The things
I would like you
To perceive?

I heard a few people say
Their fear of death was blown away
By seeing a picture
Of their folks
Afore they were born
In the snap
An older sibling
In their arms
Giggling and wriggling
Before the stuff that made them was formed

At that moment
They knew
Gave them truth to hold on to
There was no pain and anguish
And they were not bored
And it will be the same
After The reaper came
No one suffers
All is nothing
In the void.

Cologne Essen and Dresden
Felt the whip of the whirlwind
In what was cast as
The thousand bomber raid
Though the numbers
Somewhat fudged
Still demonstrable
Terrible
Technological death
As the Blitz
And Coventry
Rolled back on their necks.

The curve of the Earth goes looking for you
It wants to find your trough
Stop eating for a moment
For this data is quite rough
It wants to tell you something
Why to this marble you are glued
Only now the revelation
After eons have accrued

It'll be different for you and me
And all that touch the ground
Why gravity is set that way
Almost but not quite bound

It lets you jump and skip
Without floating through the ether
Or getting crushed to bits
Each human
Whale
And caterpillar

Semi fixed in place
All tiny flavours slowly mix
But if just one evaporates
Premature

The brew is ruined

Can't be fixed

Climbing mountains
Aviation
Space flight
Are resistance to the plan
To keep all ingredients
Aboiling in the pan
The stew is almost ready
It just needs a bit more salt
Unless we truly slip them surly bonds
But that deffo won't be my fault.

I came here with my clay
Ready to throw down.

I see Andy Kaufman has finally admitted he's not dead.

You were like thin bleach
On a ****
You smoothed it right out
And removed any residual nutrients.

Hail to thee sweet Roger
As you step through
The Great Curtin
The calm clear voice
You wrote in
Gave your creator
Quite the hurting
And so you pay
The ferryman
To cross the river Styx.
Who'se that ******* on the microphone
It can't be
OH ****** ****!!!!!!!!

What goes up must come down
Except Elon's space car
It's infinity bound
Is that true?
If it keeps on going?
Chances of collision
Beyond our knowing
The fence of the cosmos
We cannot see
It will not be revealed  to thee

Unleast not yet

The boffins say never
So we wait in ignorance
Always together.

It's the end o the year
We move like a roomba
Or Joe Biden
That's a line that belongs to a comic
Who do live among em in his life he do frolic

How we move forward
Is defined by the press
Which is constantly changing
At technological  behest
Is the road unavoidable?
More people?
More logic?
Devoid o time constrictions
The conversation
More phonic.

The three heaviest stones ever hewn and then placed
Rest in Jupiter Baal
27 years before Christ was born
By the the Romans
Long before their fall

Each close to 800 tons
Hoisted 30 foot in the air
And fitted so tight
You can't tell em apart
Put together with unfathomable care

But the quarry they're cut from
Not a mile away
Holds wonders even more vast
Three monoliths with a joint weight
O  4000 tons
Sit waiting  forlorn on the grass

The pregnant
The forgotten
The southern
Carved but never  transported
Will idle the ages
In dour unemployment
Their installation
Never reported.

The moai faced inland
Away from the sea
Ghosts of dead leaders
Born from deities you see

Hewn from volcanic tuff
Soft no doubt
Compared to basalt or diorite
Which Are ******* to dig out

If they had only turned the other way
They might have seen disaster coming
Dutch killers on Easter morn
Peruvian slavers
Had them running

But it is a small island
And there was no tree cover
They cut them down so long ago
So they could grow some tucker

European disease
South American ******
Cut the population down low
As a couple o hundred years rolled by
And crops refused to grow

So the god's where cast down
Face down on the ground
Venerated protectors brought low
The people despaired
Beyond all hope and care
A paradise with no seeds to sow

Then the pickings were slim
Raiders had no one to ****
So they left them alone to their plight
But the moai are back on their feet now
Resurrected
As a world heritage site.

My grandad on my mothers side
Was an idiosyncratic cat
Obsessed with engineering
Draughtsmanship and that

Recorded and catalogued
Big bands on a reel to reel
Oft silent in a low mood
You never knew the way he'd feel

But at Chrimbo came his home brew wine
and after a glass or two
He'd start to act all silly
Mug for the camera
Then the night was through

He had a turn of phrase
Long outmoded in the seventies
To the point of incomprehension
To the children of his latter days

If you asked what he was doing
He'd say I'm just scratching out my Ditty box
An invite to absurdism?
Or another life he'd half forgot?

I think he missed the war
And the certainty
It brought
As he poured over his old blueprints
The battles still unfought

What is that my love?
Is it the wind up above?
The end in the trees?