You kiss em
You rub em
You **** em
You put your mouth on em
Or something.

Save your poison
Save you sweet,sweet juice
Cos there's a plague acomin'
Gigantic rats are
On the loose
Tell me where you got it
Tell me where the juice comes from
Because I'm in desperate
Need of some
Big hairy *******
Are at my door.

Hold your water
Better hold it better keep it fast
Solid,steam or liquid
Now that currency is past
What do you call it?
What is this H twenty stuff?
That's how the boss man couched it
And that's the truth
You couldn't make it up.

My feet are sweating
And my brow is cold
It's all topsy turvy now
I can't remember
When I got this old
And everybody's at it
It's become much more than a fad
Your brother always drank too much
I think he did it because he was sad.

You've got to.......
Who knows what you've got to do?
You've got to.......
Avoid the follow through.

I grew up round the corner
From where Clive Barker was born
Though he's twenty years older
That was where we called home
He described the neighbourhood
In the first chapters o Weaveworld
I viddied it well
I could follow the lead role
Could see the portal to hell
It's quite a feeling
It's quite the trip
To see a bestseller
In the streets which you skip
Once you learn you live parallel
To the abyss

That's hard to shake.
As the midnight meat trains
Rattle the back gates

Just a sherry at Christmas
Or your liver in a sling
Maybe one o them
For whom
Abstinence is the thing
We spread across the boozey map
In all the directions there are
Negotiate the contours
As we head toward the bar
Some move to the desert
Where there barely falls a drop
Some might as well live in the ocean
The soak that never stops
Some imbibe for giggles
Others to ward off life
To many it's a form of marriage
The sauce she is my wife
Wether  slightly buzzed
And connected
Or too arseholed to think
We see the city on the hill
As where we go to drink.

Laughter is involuntary
A knee **** so they say
Nexus to and exit from
The darkness
Way hey hey

What are you laughing at?
I don't find that funny
I am appalled
And your in stitches
To me that makes you scummy

Giggling or not at the horror
Wether Death,disease or blight
is something instantaneous
Neither wrong or right
Then weigh and mull it later
At your leisure through the night

We've got the Greeks
To thank for that
Formulating our condition
To laugh or frown
Or roll your eyes
Is not your own decision.

I've been staring at a greyness of late
No joy to which I relate
Feeling both ancient and infantile
It'd be nice to be alive for awhile.

It's a cycle or so they say
From singin the blues to feeling gay
Sort the laughs out into a pile
Yes I'd like to be alive for awhile.

The mood is different the laughs are old
By your father you have been forestalled
Who layed it down in that old sweet style
I remember he was alive for awhile.

I'm told I didn't cry when I was born
The midwife had to give me a whack
While both ****** and Stalin
Screamed the house down
I hope there's something in that.

A cat hijacks a plane
Puts a gun to the pilots head
And says
"Take me to the caneries!"

Are you the author of your own thoughts?


Of course I am I retort


Are you sure they don't come from somewhere else?


Your seriously messing with my mental health


Why would that be I'm just asking questions?


Your saying my essence comes from another dimension


No I'm not I just really want to know
From which is the point from where ourselves grow.

I always thought
You could redo Pesci's" Funny how?"scene
In Goodfellas as one about poetic effectiveness

"What the **** is narratively compellingly about me?"
That type o thing
Give it a go. X.

If Silent Echo ***** in the woods
And there's no one there to hear it
Does it make a sound?
And where does the bear fit in?

Caitlin Rose
Caitlin Rose
Why she Caitlins
No one knows.

I boiled three eggs the other day
But only eat two
Waited for the third to cool
Then put him in the fridge
As future fuel

Left him there maybe three days
Cos I'd switched from protein
Then noticed he'd started to crack
Good lord!
I thought
This one is a survivor!

He fell out of the poet tree
          And
               Hit
        Every
                   Branch
                                 On
                           The
                       Way
                  Down.

Chistmas in prison
Christmas out at sea
Christmas round the in laws
Christmas alone with me

Christmas at the wainwrights
Christmas in the I.C.U
Christmas in Carcosa
Just the yellow king and you

He won't dress as Father Chrimbo
In his tattered robes he'll stay
As he eats all time and space
No prezzies he'll display

He won't watch vintage two ronnies
As the black stars rise
And in terrible twin sunlight
Your soul will be his prize.

We saw swans on the beacons that beckon
Each of us high as six kites
Eighteen combined
That's what I reckon
As we stared into they harsh light

Fresh off the Ferris wheel
Opposite the big top
We wobbled through the sparse crowd
Through feedback demonic
And swirling black smoke
Walked into
The kingdom o loud

As the drums fell off of Everest
And the bass came up from hell
I knew I couldn't be there
Yet to stay I was compelled

Rooted to the earth
Speared through both feet
By sonic ******* tent pegs
From which there was no relief

Almost three hours later
Battered and near haf deaf
Good lord I thought
For these *******
They need to invent
An extra clef.

Will you sing at my funeral
Will you dance at my wedding
Laugh at my jokes
Always pretending
That the past isn't coming
The future descending
Down to a place
That starts at our ending
We'll always be here
And at every point too
If time's a flat circle
I want to spend it with you.

It's not at all sophisticated
Or worthy
It has a metre that I really like
And even when
It's odour has an edge
I find distasteful
I'm a sucker
For the things
I can't buy

And once again
I failed to see it early
Something so blatant
beginging to unfold
But by that time
you had captured my heart
And so
I had treasure untold.

My father died of dyslexic alchoholism
He choked on his own Vimto.

We're like a big tuna casserole
That's been remicrowaved
One too many times.

Are the swing states
The ones who are into partner swapping?
If so they should get Doug and Melania
To drop em
I think I see an early
Winner here.

When you walk
And then talk
Do you do it straight?
Or Are you bent on inclination?
The modern debate
Tiller handle movement
Has no effect on the wake
Could you look at yourself?
How much o this could you take?
And then expect it o them
That are clearly involved
With themselves
And the void
Hanging
Off
Of
Satans
Prong.

The statue on top of Nelson's column is fifteen feet tall
When the man himself died he was only five feet
That's Horatio of 3 to 1.

Twinkle twinkle ****
You have got some ******* front
To call me your friend

Are you
A Lover?
A fighter?
A drinker?
A dancer?
Which one these are you?
I said
A lover
A fighter
A drinker
A dancer
Tell me what  you like to do
Do you
Smootch?
Punch?
Swig?
Or boogaloo?

Milney's got the lurghy
Milney got the vid
He's stuck down there in Kernow
coughing spluttering
He's One sick lid

He should be in the pool now
A weekend away from ******
No fine wining and a-dining
It really is a *******

But he's stuck there in st Agnes
ill with the doggies on the beach
Instead of rolling round
In cocktails
Fuckery just out o reach

From my lungs to your ears
And then hopefully your brain
The squishy bit in the midfield
That copes with love and pain
The Hypothalamus spreads
Joy and doom through the land
Secreting oxytocin  
From the pituitary gland

Not to be confused
With the hippopotamus
Which controls memory
Short term not bottomless
That might explain
Why we do it again
And again
Walking the line twixst
Love's
Heaven
And
Hell

**** emery the feral cat
Used to rule the roost and tha'
With evil mind and solid *****
He'd freely enter into your halls

You'd have to throw him down the cellar
That psychopathic  little fella

Then don your anti cat armour
With hallucinogenic bacon
You'll cool his ardour

Then he'd sleep the sleep o the just
Slowly synthesising his potent musk
Then come around feeling sharp
Waiting Crouching in the dark.

No one ***** with **** emery!!!

The overlords are here
From beyond reality
Not to teach or to heal
Or hold dominion over thee
Not to persecute and pillage
Not to alter or rearrange
Not to allay our fears
Because we find them strange
Not to accelerate or motivate
Urge us on to our potential
Not to shows their technology
Beyond us monumental
Not mediate or pacify
Or empty man's bloodbath
Not to anoint or purify
But because they like a laugh.

Mama cass
Shoulda passed
On that ham Sandwich.

That's a horrible thing to say
When she passed
They was no drugs
In her system
And she deffo
Did not choke
On no ham sarney.

Crazy Vinny don't like you describing what's at his back
But In front or behind him
jokes about mothers please do not Crack
The man has his own code
and despite what ****** allude
My mate crazy Vinny
Is neither ignorant nor rude.

All hail the Toblerone
King of the awkward chocolates
If you buy a big one on a plane
It'll drain all of your pockets
Of residual dollars or euros
Bhatt **** or lek
Or **** it!
Why not dash off
Your last travellers cheque

Honeyed almond sweetness
Who could decry that
Only the honeyed almond intolerant
And you can never trust them *****
Just it's satisfying chunkiness
It's heft and it shape
Is something deeply pleasing
The chocolate biscuit it doth take

It's true name lost to time
It should be Tobler one
For its creator was named Tobler
And he'd only just begun.

But there he stopped.

The boy stood on the burning deck
His legs were all a-quiver
He gave a cough
His leg fell off
And floated down the river.




Saturday night 70's telly.

My grandad on my mothers side
Was an idiosyncratic cat
Obsessed with engineering
Draughtsmanship and that

Recorded and catalogued
Big bands on a reel to reel
Oft silent in a low mood
You never knew the way he'd feel

But at Chrimbo came his home brew wine
and after a glass or two
He'd start to act all silly
Mug for the camera
Then the night was through

He had a turn of phrase
Long outmoded in the seventies
To the point of incomprehension
To the children of his latter days

If you asked what he was doing
He'd say I'm just scratching out my Ditty box
An invite to absurdism?
Or another life he'd half forgot?

I think he missed the war
And the certainty
It brought
As he poured over his old blueprints
The battles still unfought

Nobody likes a ****,
They told me right out front.

When you move in together
You both bring all your ****
And nobody wants
To surrender not even
Just a bit
So you double up on lamps
And stereos and mugs
But the worst offender Is cutlery
Those stainless steel thugs
And the worst o the worst
Is of course the spoon
Cos there's Several sizes
Applications and soon
When combined together
Both hers and yours
They take up the full drawer
A redundancy of course
And  when youse part
As is written in the runes
She'll leave the ******* with you
Cos
Women
Have
No
Interest
In
Spoons.

I remember a fella
At war with his self
At times he seemed lost
But not beyond help
He howled at the moon
He wept to the rain
The ants in his pants
Then lived in his veins
His verse was beauty
It was warm
It was tight
Right up to the day
That he turned
Out
The
Lights.

If Cohen's accountant hadn't ripped him off
I probably wouldn't have got to see him.
Here's to fraudulent fucksticks!
Cheers!

How do you know what you are?
The opinions stretch both near and far
They be *******
Swinging off of your ****
Both near and Far
It's just hard to know
What you are.

The depths o distain
Where you hold yourself
The heights o attain
Where you shoot yourself
The heart o the Brain
Where you make yourself
But the love you distain
That's where you
**** yourself.

Where'd you get them spex?
Where'd you get them kecks?
Jesus lid yer clobbers off the chart!
And frocks for lady muck
Of prezzies there's a glut
The fences laughing
Play their part
But you've murdered trust so early
Gone so ******* Tory
Turning self obession into art.

Once you hit a certain age
All your memories are ten years ago
Unless childhood or immediate
It's a decade Past
Give or take a year or so

Dilation and concentration of remembrance
Both stretched and contracted
Twenty years turns to ten
Five does the same
True chronology
Can't be extracted

I remember you now
How you were back then
As I just bumped into your sister
She says that you're well
I should give you a call
Time bubbles
And turns into a blister.

Evil is an ocean in which we float
And from that we drink
It's buoyancy uplifts up
It's salt makes us sick

It's waves push us
In all the ways we go
The currents aggregate
The humans on the flow
To islands o detritus
Perched around the world
All cliffs o which face the sun
Although that sounds absurd
The shitness o this verse
The mewling o the heart
All the above can be said
About love and art.

Listen to aluminium by Roth Bart Baron if you don't speak Japanese
It beauty and its ache will bring you to your knees
I'm clueless what he's singing about
And I don't want to know
To understand them lyrics
Might diminish the glow.

The death of his mother?
The end of a love?
The start of a new one that fits like the glove?
A celebration of friendship?
A recovered one once sick?
Or did some ******* kick his dog to death,
Just like poor old John Wick?

Skeleton walks into a pub
Orders a pint of Guinness
And a mop

Drinking in the day
Just like my daddy did
Before me
Yesterday
Drinking in the day
just like my daddy done
Before me
Oooh the shame

"No body loves me,
I'm not long for this world,
I'm gonna become a monk"
That was his drunken mantra
As to the couch he slunk

My mother would tut her distaste and say
"Jimmy not in front of the kids!"
But he'd just laugh
Roll round on the floor and say
"Sandra **** those kids!"

Then we'd drag him off to bed
My brother/my sister and me
To get the fat ****** up the stairs
You know it took all three

The sot
The lush
The drunken old louse
And that was Friday night in my father's house.

Lobbing grenades
Off of the summit o Everest
Trying to bomb the *******
Just Like Kenny Everett
But the fuse is too short
They just burst in the air
He  don't live at the peak
He's somewhere down there

Milney has been planning
This Trek for years
Like some frozen Ahab
Blind to the cares
Of family and friends
Who deny his obsession
Deeply frightened by his souls possession

He teamed up
With a crack squad
Of hard Buddhist monks
Who will joyfully participate
In killing the ****
For centuries now he has murdered their kin
They will end  what the beast did begin

For these priests know how to swing a sword
You might have seen them treading the boards
At you local theatre
But this is real
They will end this monster
And his skin they will peel
Off of his bones
And his carcass they'll stuff
To display at the inn
So we'll know soon enough
If milne was successful
All ****** and sweaty
As he asks at the bar
ARE YOU OPEN YETI?

Oh lord,
Won't you take me down there some time
Oh lord
Won't you take me down there
I'll sip the scotch slow
Sup the pint low
Oh lord won't  you take me down there

My king you not haf
You once was you see
My king you not haf
You once was
Your majesty faded
No beauty
Brocaded
My king you not haf
You once was

My love I pledge all o my heart to you
My love I pledge all o my heart
It's cramped
It needs mending
Left ventricle descending
My love I pledge
All o my heart

My friend you the ghost o a ghost to me
My friend you the ghost o a ghost
Cold silence it grips me
Inertia it trips me
My friend you are the ghost of a ghost.

Things fall off
Cos things get loose
I've lost my screwdriver
I know that's no excuse
You can feel the vibration
Before you hear the sound
Once the bolt hits the floor it can never be found.
Rattling
Shattering
You stupid *******.

Never turn your back on love
The ******'s just not to be trusted.