Oh lord,
Won't you take me down there some time
Oh lord
Won't you take me down there
I'll sip the scotch slow
Sup the pint low
Oh lord won't  you take me down there

My king you not haf
You once was you see
My king you not haf
You once was
Your majesty faded
No beauty
Brocaded
My king you not haf
You once was

My love I pledge all o my heart to you
My love I pledge all o my heart
It's cramped
It needs mending
Left ventricle descending
My love I pledge
All o my heart

My friend you the ghost o a ghost to me
My friend you the ghost o a ghost
Cold silence it grips me
Inertia it trips me
My friend you are the ghost of a ghost.

Crazy Vinny don't like you describing what's at his back
But In front or behind him
jokes about mothers please do not Crack
The man has his own code
and despite what ****** allude
My mate crazy Vinny
Is neither ignorant nor rude.

Are you
A Lover?
A fighter?
A drinker?
A dancer?
Which one these are you?
I said
A lover
A fighter
A drinker
A dancer
Tell me what  you like to do
Do you
Smootch?
Punch?
Swig?
Or boogaloo?

Skeleton walks into a pub
Orders a pint of Guinness
And a mop

I'm nobody's dog
But there's this family
Who feed me.

Laughter is involuntary
A knee **** so they say
Nexus to and exit from
The darkness
Way hey hey

What are you laughing at?
I don't find that funny
I am appalled
And your in stitches
To me that makes you scummy

Giggling or not at the horror
Wether Death,disease or blight
is something instantaneous
Neither wrong or right
Then weigh and mull it later
At your leisure through the night

We've got the Greeks
To thank for that
Formulating our condition
To laugh or frown
Or roll your eyes
Is not your own decision.

Poly tunnel kingdoms
In uneasy truce
Glower across the divide
First hovering kestrel
Then circling crow
Waiting for something
To die

The earthworms are frightened
The hares on the run
Avoiding beak and claw
Hemmed in by the tarmac
And rumbling doom
Breaking all natural law

The badgers are lucky
At night they are free
To cross with out
Auto harassing
And think themselves god's
Immune to all death
Till the farmer
Gives them a gassing.

My father died of dyslexic alchoholism
He choked on his own Vimto.

Are you the author of your own thoughts?


Of course I am I retort


Are you sure they don't come from somewhere else?


Your seriously messing with my mental health


Why would that be I'm just asking questions?


Your saying my essence comes from another dimension


No I'm not I just really want to know
From which is the point from where ourselves grow.

Him.
                                                            ­                   Hit
                                                             ­      Need to
                                                              ­   No
                                              Branches felt
                                      But the
                           Ugly tree
                       The
                   Up
He climbed

We all die alone
Unless someone dies with you
The path that you travel is always within you
So we all **** and moan bout what life has turned into
We all die alone.

The boy stood on the burning deck
His legs were all a-quiver
He gave a cough
His leg fell off
And floated down the river.




Saturday night 70's telly.

Baldy cat gets on a bus
The drivers says
"Where's yer fare?"

A cat hijacks a plane
Puts a gun to the pilots head
And says
"Take me to the caneries!"

A drunk goes into a chippy and says
"I'll have a portion o chips and a steak and kidely pie."
The worker says
"You mean steak and kidney pie don't you?"
The lush replies
" That's what I said ****** I ?"

Ginny watched over me
When I wasn't very well
Something wasn't right to her
I was oozing a strange smell
As I lay upon the carpet
She licked my swollen head
As if her simple presence
Could stop me going dead

A self imposed Near death experience
Stupidity defined
***** hematoma
Had left me near half  blind
And
Bouncing down concrete embankments
Leaves all sense behind

Ginny is gone now
To where all good doggies go
After twisting round this mortal coil
About a decade or so
She's allowed on St agnes beach these days
All the year around
The terns and the kittiwakes
Tremble at the sound
And as she charges at them
Into the air they soar
Now Ginny chases seabirds forever down the shore.

Things fall off
Cos things get loose
I've lost my screwdriver
I know that's no excuse
You can feel the vibration
Before you hear the sound
Once the bolt hits the floor it can never be found.
Rattling
Shattering
You stupid *******.

Any moment now
A light will descend
Better take some with you baby
Around the bend

It comes and goes
To them that really want it
I tell myself,I'm not one of those
Only time will tell
If I'm not telling the truth
I don't know myself
Well,how about you?

When left is right
It's left to better men than me
To chase the light around the bend

All those nights I just dallied in vain
All those nights I lay twisted with shame
Time is leaking completely unchecked
Time to cut your self free from this wreck
Time to digest and quickly move on
Time takes the **** out of us all.

I have a lot of difficulty with physical intimacy
A friend suggested a book called how to hug
Turns out it was the fifth volume
Of the expanded Oxford English Dictionary.

What does a priest keep in his allotment shed?

Lettuce spray.

Some people talk about what we've done to nature
And how it will have its revenge
Then how come I've just seen a crow
Struggling with a gull
Over a chunk o pepperami?

In killarney and Tralee
It was made quite plain to me
That the blood of the land
Flows through every gland

I don't  think you understand
The power that flows through your hands
So put on your gauntlets
And sit on your paws
Before you way laste
To this land.

Lobbing grenades
Off of the summit o Everest
Trying to bomb the *******
Just Like Kenny Everett
But the fuse is too short
They just burst in the air
He  don't live at the peak
He's somewhere down there

Milney has been planning
This Trek for years
Like some frozen Ahab
Blind to the cares
Of family and friends
Who deny his obsession
Deeply frightened by his souls possession

He teamed up
With a crack squad
Of hard Buddhist monks
Who will joyfully participate
In killing the ****
For centuries now he has murdered their kin
They will end  what the beast did begin

For these priests know how to swing a sword
You might have seen them treading the boards
At you local theatre
But this is real
They will end this monster
And his skin they will peel
Off of his bones
And his carcass they'll stuff
To display at the inn
So we'll know soon enough
If milne was successful
All ****** and sweaty
As he asks at the bar
ARE YOU OPEN YETI?