It's not at all sophisticated
Or worthy
It has a metre that I really like
And even when
It's odour has an edge
I find distasteful
I'm a sucker
For the things
I can't buy

And once again
I failed to see it early
Something so blatant
beginging to unfold
But by that time
you had captured my heart
And so
I had treasure untold.

My father died of dyslexic alchoholism
He choked on his own Vimto.

A drunk goes into a chippy and says
"I'll have a portion o chips and a steak and kidely pie."
The worker says
"You mean steak and kidney pie don't you?"
The lush replies
" That's what I said ****** I ?"

The statue on top of Nelson's column is fifteen feet tall
When the man himself died he was only five feet
That's Horatio of 3 to 1.

I have a lot of difficulty with physical intimacy
A friend suggested a book called how to hug
Turns out it was the fifth volume
Of the expanded Oxford English Dictionary.

A cat hijacks a plane
Puts a gun to the pilots head
And says
"Take me to the caneries!"

Skeleton walks into a pub
Orders a pint of Guinness
And a mop