Baldy cat gets on a bus
The drivers says
"Where's yer fare?"

What does a priest keep in his allotment shed?

Lettuce spray.

Poly tunnel kingdoms
In uneasy truce
Glower across the divide
First hovering kestrel
Then circling crow
Waiting for something
To die

The earthworms are frightened
The hares on the run
Avoiding beak and claw
Hemmed in by the tarmac
And rumbling doom
Breaking all natural law

The badgers are lucky
At night they are free
To cross with out
Auto harassing
And think themselves god's
Immune to all death
Till the farmer
Gives them a gassing.

Hello poetry
Hello piety
Hello my growing need for sobriety
Goodbye the lash
Goodbye the sauce
Goodbye to laughter
And high times of course
Once it was fun
Once it was keen
But like Carlito opined
You just run out of steam.

We went down to London
We went on the train
And stared out in wonder
At cold hearted distain
Adrift in the maelstrom
They all seemed so calm
But to dwell in the big smoke
Just seemed like self harm
So we aimed ourselves north
And we sat in the pool
We let its sweet waters
Rinse fix and cool
Now we'll stay here forever
And you'll have my heart
They'd need a mighty mongol horde
Just to keep us apart.

Save your poison
Save you sweet,sweet juice
Cos there's a plague acomin'
Gigantic rats are
On the loose
Tell me where you got it
Tell me where the juice comes from
Because I'm in desperate
Need of some
Big hairy *******
Are at my door.

Hold your water
Better hold it better keep it fast
Solid,steam or liquid
Now that currency is past
What do you call it?
What is this H twenty stuff?
That's how the boss man couched it
And that's the truth
You couldn't make it up.

My feet are sweating
And my brow is cold
It's all topsy turvy now
I can't remember
When I got this old
And everybody's at it
It's become much more than a fad
Your brother always drank too much
I think he did it because he was sad.

You've got to.......
Who knows what you've got to do?
You've got to.......
Avoid the follow through.

It's my birthday today,pour me a scotch.
No,pour yourself a scotch.
No,let me pour you a scotch.
No,it's my birthday today,pour me a scotch.