On my shoulder the entire weight of the world I attempt to heft. From future events this trauma has created a theft just know that even with my very last breath I couldn't get any further left. So far left I may never get right. My eyes are quiet gifted in their sight I need a little light just to illuminate the night. The flames in my hell dwindled down and now they don't burn as bright.
Looking for some kind of solace perhaps salvation a world shaking transformation not a simulation but a completely new creation. I may need some confirmation. Indeed I need more information. My patience is short supplied awake sitting on my bed entirely wide eyed everything almost dead inside. Where good and evil were never meant to coincide no one left in which I care to confide my all too frequent thoughts of siuicide. I pray God let's all these transgressions slide die or ride ride the pride right on through to the other side. I am so ready to go back but not to what it was, I can do this much for my cuz just because.
Not like it was before now with myself I'm not so much waging war. I got used to guts glory and gore. More than that I fear losing sight of what I'm fighting for. Cracks in my moral code buried deep inside my very core.  God opens a window when he slams a door. To the heavens above I implore. I know I can handle whatever date destiny has in store. With every word myself  my soul I outpour. I'm not even sure what to do anymore
The personality I display is not the person I am trying to portray but the person the beasts I conjure continuously betray. Life ful of so much discord and everything is in such disarray cover the stench of decay with deaths bouquet. While like a burning out flame I flicker like I will soon fade away it's all so **** cliche cannot seem to forever hold these demons at bay always it does not matter what I say it is just the same old **** on a different day. No one last listens to me anyway. To prevail I'll have to somehow find another way. Until then I will just breathe and pray. Fatal feelings emotions raw and bare auditory hallucinations wondering if anyone here right now is even really there. There is not another hell that could ever  seem to compare. Spill my secrets I will not dare awake still haunted by my latest nightmares but who the **** cares. might ought to beware when my temper begins to flare I am all about the opportunity and the air. The dead do not seemingly just stare. The hurt is something I don't care to share as I sink into the depths of my very despair. Apparently I am losing bits of myself everywhere.
Near tainted moonlight does not shine into the room there's nothing cutting though this gloom crushed under the weight of the pending doom. Sealing the room like a concrete tomb. Prior activities I assume are safe to resume. Sweat and *** hang thick in the air like a new perfume. Colorful like a peacock's plume don't inhale the solvents toxic fumes the end may be coming all too soon  silvered underneath the eclipse of a neon moon all red assed like a **** baboon acting like some dumb ******* Buffon higher than a **** balloon all drawn out animated like a **** cartoon. It's is all surreal. I can't describe what I even feel spinning around til I start feeling ill the wounds I forever carry never seem to heal. What's the ******* deal If you ask me the whole ordeal is losing it's appeal so please Someone remind me what is even ******* real. the true me I must conceal.
Three parts already dead twisted thoughts run rampant inside of my head. Addiction thoughout my family this disease is widespread. Decency I probably don't have a single shred.
I may continue to stick with just what I know. Rocking this **** bowl. Slowly again losing control. Impossible to console the colder I get the older I grow. Vast hole in my dark desolate soul places I often travel to even angels fear to go shadows pull at me from somewhere down below. I'm more concerned with finding my blow so incomplete how could I ever feel whole.
These drugs that I abuse this ****** up way of life I chose. It's all just an excuse a crutch I use. I once had completely  different views but now it's all usually just more bad news memories I confuse I am better off wheny demons turn me loose.
So much that I have lost will one day be found. Nothing and no one can continue to hold me down I'm going to turn it all around. Come back up from the very ground. No more white noise for me to drown blaring in stereo surround sound. To the ties that bind by blood I am bound. Ambitions guarded by this nefarious hellhound. Myself I still somehow astound thought rather profound.
I am not Silver I'm Tarnished her evil ******* twin another washed  up has been stuck inside the costume I wore way back when. Headed right around the bend being serenaded by the wind. Notify my next of kin that I am heading for the ****** bin for attempt to slay the beast with just a bobby pin. Uncomfortable in my own skin sitting here in a world of make believe and pretend.

I refuse to wade in a shallow pool of past regret while our shadows give chase to our silhouette. I never wish to forget how I have always pictured ourselves riding off into the sunset bullet in the pistol Russian roulette I will not let myself  get completely upset over something that hasn't even happened yet. Smoking the days last cigarette. To trails and tribulations myself  I subject perfectly imperfect versions of my former self I still protect on painful memories try as I might not to project. Collecting every single but if my self respect. Flawed I have a detectable defect. I can't seem to self reflect. Important moments intercept. I have tried to study this aspect in great depth. A loser with a lesson that should be taught notions that can't seem to be forgot.   Forgive me please I'm been thorough a lot space cadet to astronaut. I've been distraught. Over this entire onslaught. To me to **** up is to **** around and get caught. Lost deep in thought. Twisted and contorted inside of my head are the confusing feelings of dread like I am already walking  around like I am three parts dead. Red I have bled decency I feel I have not a shred this ****  disease of addiction is completely widespread awake I lay staring at the ceiling from my bed we've all been somehow misled he situations badly misread. With God's I have pled to help me turn all this dope back into Sudafed.Unchecked I've been unable to regulate all this anxiety I demonstrate. I try to help educate people about my tucked up mental state aggravate agitate abbreviate duck a bunch of hurry up just to wait I hardly ever hesitate to deactivate incriminate exacerbate inebriate tripping over issues that just don't relate isn't the throws of addiction just ******* great. My own problems I admit alone I create especially when it's harder to concentrate without going to to seemingly complicate life with the darkness I contemplate. Memories I desecrate. Alienate no hope of this pain to alleviate a **** up I am indeed to this very dare self medicate our myself half a as on sedate so these murders I will not premeditate. Self eradicate probably works better than trying to self exonerate
Characters they did assassinate.
A perfect imperfection that is being torn in More than one direction underneath my protection can't even recognize my own reflection. I will leave it to the storytellers discretion to pick out the matters more hard pressing issues that desperately need addressing investing infesting interesting depressing of all the emotions that need suppressing to be giving it all I am capable of possessing. Confessing the truth is congestion hard for digesting **** calling in just here texting its all quite perplexing.

so many questions twisted up inside of my head as I find myself laying awake staring at the ceiling from my bed lately I have had nothing but feelings of dread lately all I have been seeing is red I feel like I'm hanging on only by a thread I **** sure cannot forget that I am standing alone right here on the edge If I fall arms outstretched...
As free as this Do you think that could actually fly, flying, soaring freely though the sky above all the clouds way up high. The view would be so amazing. Oh my. Thinking about all the time that has passed me by, About the questions and I have and the reasons why. Could I reclaim every tear from up here that I did ever cry? Why have all my plans went awry? Why can't I tell my loved ones who have passed good bye? If all my wrongs I could just somehow justify. I would finally be as free as this **** butterfly. Oh what and intense feeling to Electrify. To all those I love standing nearby, I cannot come down, I cannot comply. Hereon out consider me just a firefly that life finally did satisfy. Every I should remain dry for I did not die. I just took to the sky.

Here I am tarnished, a blemished soul
searching for anything to complete me, make me whole
What you think really is irrelevant.
We all have relatives that's have closets full of skeletons
Isn't that the right, your excellence
There is no case there is no evidence
How do people keep living on in complete ignorance.
With every experience to
I pray for my own deliverance
If I had other intentions I doubt it would make a difference

Feeling like i am at least a little woke
as well as somewhat exposed
now i at standing here at this crossroad
.Im hallowed, I can't help but to be a cutthroat
I've got problems by the very shitload
teetering on the brink of a psychotic episode
My mind is begining to overload
For me it is just **** late for me to go rogue
Too soon for me to attempt to go ghost.
So as there chaos begins to unfold
I'll be right here, your **** right I am throwed
This story has since been rewrote.
My mental illness still has yet to be Diagnosed.
I am still stuck in beast mode
its possible I think I am about to overdose
Im searching for the antidote
This is some habitat, cozy little cabbage patch, where bad ideas are known to hatch. strapped with gats just so I can cap the Shorts. No brag just fact Attempting to walk out unscathed integrity intact digging myself up like an ancient artifact. In this cataphract chaos I knowingly attract
Spill the secrets that overload your very soul,
Don't let yourself lose all of your self control
Broken vessel, I'm just an empty hull
Can't stand the sounds of these thoughts, I gather until they rattle on around inside my skull...
keep in mind that i'll cut you from ******* appetite,
the flames inside seemed to just ignite
This familiar feeling seems to stir as it also seems to excite
looking in from right outside
as if I were stuck knee deep in my kryptonite
After all the things that had been sacrificed
Dissatisfied by the very changing price
on your host You tend to feed like a parasite
Anger erupting exploding just like dynomite

We roam on like we are all blind, with my very soul I outpour every word that I write
If you want my advice, keep in mind everyday I feel a little less alive'
High at times usually hiding in the shadows of these dark rhymes
An unseen evil remaining hidden behind, the tombstones, in this ancient graveyard of mine
Really was it that big of a surprise to find,
That to shine, I would usually rise
Because when push comes to shove, I have noi choice but to survive

So here I am too numb now to feel the pain
As matter of fact I do not feel anything, so I spit out these pieces of broken luck
Don't get **** twisted though because I still do not give a ****
One day I will rise above smile on my face as I go flying by tragedy has streaked my dark sky but I will stand my ground til the day I die

Woefully tragic and that ****** up ****
I don't have to like my past and I don't not even a little ******* bit
Maybe one I'll ******* get over it
Until then I don't even give a ****
To the dome I take every hit
Attempting to get ******* lit
Doubt I'll ever ******* quit
These are the puzzle pieces that just seem to fit
I am not someone that's easy to forget alone in this darkness I intend to sit
at least I am not a ******* hypocrite
nor am I counterfeit
My wrist I have contemplated attempting to slit
when at the end of my very wit

Crazy thoughts run through my mind
of times that I thought I'd left behind
but bound I am by blood to these ties that bind
time isn't something that I can rewind
i travel outside the parameters of my mind searching for something I'll never find

I follow the shadows just as still as they are dark
constantly stabbing myself with jagged bits of my broken heart
So easy it is for me to fall completely apart
It's been that way from the very start

Bombarded by the memories that were not meant to last
as time passes by me so **** fast
A hole in my soul that's so **** vast
a tragic ending I can't seem to ever get passed.

Mindful that words can cut like a knife
why do I insist on living this kind of life

I am living like I am already three fourths dead
all these visions trapped inside of my head
Humanity I don't have a ******* shred
the disease of addiction in so wide spread

Rattling around inside of my skull
my vessel is nothing more than an empty hull
I once was silver now I am tarnished beginning to dull i
n conversation there is now a lull

picked to pieces I chose to idol
I am not stupid nor am I suicidal
my emotions wash over me like waves of tidal
I am my own rival
I am only interested in survival.
Heartbeat is something that is vital
maybe my stories will one day go viral.

Tomorrow isn't promised and today is a day I shouldn't waste
I do so anyway even if I do it in haste
My ghosts for the heroes traded have chased
Like they have challenged me to beat them I raced
The consequences I have faced
these mistakes that have never been erased. This side of goodness never have I graced