when in this lifestyle we stay long
we start to feel this is a place we can belong so we allow ourselves to carry on pretending we are being strong. It used to be we would be up all night long hitting the **** ****. waking up that way too should tell us that there is something wrong 9 times out 10 by noon I am altready gone animated like a cartoon I've been drawn. I am not satan's spawn now am I someone pawn the grass always does appear greener in someone else's lawn. After all the heartache we have undergone why in this area are we so **** headstrong. Why is it so important for us outperform, our own tales of woebegone. This hackathon. if this misery we must prolong, The dangers we forwarn it's quite possible to be left out in the shitstorm. Now it has to run its course. From it very core it rages likes war. This is where all our pain is stored. So when we twist off we will scorch. So this is a last resort. Our stolen horses turned out to be unicorns. Knock me out with the chloroform. Hold down the fort and sound the alarm. For such a show of force there will be no reward. Go 0n tell that to your noble Lord. Let him be the one you misinform. Turn our addictions into an art form.

You see they are clever keeping us willingly hooked forever. They have become our transgressor, Always looking down on us like we are lessor. In our suffering they take pleasure. I know I wish we had never embarked on this endeavor. They aren't thinking about what is going to happen to us whatsoever. Of course he voiced his steller displeasure. Beating us again just for good measure. To get out 0f here we will have to ban together. We will ***** up her ledger. Make it seem as if she had been writing seductive letters to a number of lepers. However this time it wasn't us that was under all the pressure. He dug us up and buried her just as if we were all hidden treasure. Before we are the ones they recapture Lets escape into the lands of never never. Where they won't find us, ever!

Well **** here we go again, losing ourselves rambling on in our world of pretend and make believe. Captivated though that whole story I could barely breathe. Now you must be in such state of grief that your spirit is screaming for release. addiction is a hell of a disease. It will easily bring you to your knees, tearing you down treating you however it does please. completely destroying entire lives with concerning ease. It's like it is now autumn and us addicts are blowing in the breeze, just as if we are falls falling leaves, Falling away at such great speed we should all prepare to take heed. stop feeding the need for we are killing ourselves indeed. cut me and it is still red I"ll bleed. I am still me underneath. I grew accustom to being one to retreat instead of facing any memory that was bitter-sweet So now I can not render myself obsolete not until the circle is complete. Not at all will it be discreet. our stories are not chiseled in to concrete Victorious we can still bring defeat for we do recover. We can lay these addictions down at our feet hopefully kicking them completely out reach.

Here I am tarnished, a blemished soul
searching for anything to complete me, make me whole
As usual i'm starting to lose all my self control
My only interest in anything at this point is just rocking this **** bowl.
There are demons out on patrol
More corrupt and so cold I get the older I grow
I was always meant to lead instead of follow
The truth is sometimes quite hard to swallow
The time we have on this very plane is only ours borrow.
In past regret and sorrow I refuse to sit here and wallow
I swear I will try to do and be better tomorrow

How strong do I have to be? Strong enough to get back up at least one more time.
I'm more than just a little outside my mind.
Craving exactly what I don't think I'll ever be able to find
No sense running from the past if you can't leave it behind
Moving  forward right into the unknown. wandering blind

Armed with only my wit and a fountain pen.
I battle my enemies with only my words again
These battles either way I am going to win my friend,
So I guess I'll being see you on the other side then
In all of the chaos Discord stands a force for you to reckon with
For she is larger than life a legend not a myth
while I end up polishing off the rest of this fifth
I can't help but wonder if this is it. is this as good as it gets?
I try to show that I have at least a little intelligence
Oh the ******* hell with it
What you think really is  irrelevant.
We all have relatives that's have closets full of skeletons
Isn't that the right, your excellence
There is no case there is no evidence.
It's a hell of an existence
When a handful of sensitive Benjamins insisting on innocence
fonder your heart grows in their very absence
How do people keep living on in complete ignorance.
With every experience
I pray for my own deliverance
If I had other intentions I doubt it would make a difference

He swung open the door and there I stood alone in a thick cloud of smoke'
This empty room is really a sick sad twisted Joke
Smoke that is so stale and so thick you can't help but to choke
Feeling like i am at least a little woke
as well as  somewhat exposed
now i at standing here at this crossroad
.Im hallowed, I can't help but to be a cutthroat
I've got problems by the very shitload
teetering on the brink of a psychotic episode
My mind is begining to overload
For me it is just **** late for me to go rogue
Too soon for me to attempt to go ghost.
So as there chaos begins to unfold
I'll be right here, your **** right I am throwed
This story has since been rewrote.
These demons of mine i end up intentionally trying to provoke.
Just by the spirits that have chosen to invoke
My mental illness still has yet to be diagnosed.
I am still stuck in beast mode
its possible I think I am about to overdose
Im searching for the antidote
Not exactly the message that I was wanting to promote
Things haven't quite gone as I had hoped,
No I haven't been coaxed, nor have I been coached.
I am now here forever shadowed
as I lock and I reload
I didn't make it out but almost
Like a parasite feeding on its host
Dethroned, dead I decompose
That's the way it goes I suppose.
Im constantly sitting here steadily  ******* up
I don't even care if I happen to get caught
Bring on the onslaught
As the puddle in this bowl thickens so does the **** plot
I am just what I am and what I ain't i'm not
I have put quite a bit of thought into becoming a distraught astronaut.
I  may have very well been forsaken but I"m not going to be easily forgot
Everything that's going on is really rather a lot
So let the **** bodies just sit here and rot
and we will go and smoke some ***.

Spill the secrets that overload your very soul,
Don't let yourself lose all of your self control
Broken vessel, I'm just an empty hull Can't stand the sounds of these thoughts, I gather
until they rattle on around inside my skull....
I wish that this pain would just subside
What am I going to do next?
i can't decide                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
In the very heart of me,
parts of me
have already died
increasing are these intrusive thoughts
that frequently turn to suicide
Keep all my feelings shoved way down deep inside
I don't know what a happy life
could actually provide
washing over me is this crimson tide
So its mine
all my emotions have been long since denied
Tell me why that you seem to be so taken back.
I wasn't going to make it out unscathed,
but my integrity mostly still intact. Distract, my chest heaving,
from back to back
full blown panic attacks
From my soul,
I felt my power drain,
everyone, I once knew,
nothing but a fading crimson stain.
God please forgive me
for all the dark thoughts I entertain
My grief masked by words that drip with much disdain
An addict ruined pretty much from the start
relying on the wisdom
other's seem to unknowingly impart
Eternally stabbing myself
with jagged bits of my broken heart turned off all this emotional crap
a long long time ago
colder I am just that much more corrupt
the older that I grow
so somehow spun it was
out of all these **** tales of woe
All that's left now are the smoldering embers
from the fire once
warm and all aglow
keep in mind
that i'll cut you
from ******* appetite,
the flames inside
seemed to just ignite
This familiar feeling
seems to stir
as it also seems
to excite
looking in from right outside
as if I were stuck
knee deep in my kryptonite
After all the things
that had been sacrificed
Dissatisfied by the
very changing price
on your host you tend
to feed like a parasite
Anger erupting
exploding just like dynomite
so go ahead and dunk me in formaldehyde
bury me only by candlelight
despite all my pain and sorrow,
I'll somehow be alright
We roam on like we are all blind, with my very soul
I outpour
every word that I write
If you want my advice,
keep in mind
everyday I feel a little less alive
High at times
usually hiding in the shadows of these dark rhymes
An unseen evil remaining hidden behind,
the tombstones,
in this ancient graveyard of mine Really was it that big of a surprise to find,
That to shine, I would usually rise Because when push comes to shove  I can have no choice but to survive

Violets blue Roses red
awake I lay in my bed
stuck inside of my own head.
Living my life like I am already three fourths dead
overcome with dread
this disease is now widespread decency I have not a single shread hanging on by a single thread should've turned this ****** dope right back into Sudafed.
Deja Vu all things have somehow gone askew
just what is it you think I am supposed to do
I trust very few
well maybe just two
one is not me the other is not you. Given chase by things I once did pursue. Haven't got a ******* clue wonder off into the clear blue
I try to keep myself out of view penance is long overdu
do not judge me until you know what I've been through.
Broken spirits send my soul to shatter
crazier I am madder than the mad hatter
not that it really even seems to matter.
swing batter batter
**** tends to splatter
dark are these thoughts that I attempt to gather
a ******* disaster
from these terrors I can not run and ******* faster.
Of my fate I am no master
forever searching for what everyone else is after
maddening is the laughter
the echo still a factor
all the world is a stage
everyone is an actor.
Prepare for the rapture
recapture
distractor
trapper.
All of this has gone straight down the crapper.
Vindictive streak.
I've  been up an entire week.
My intentions reek
I don't know what justice I intend to seek
I sow now what I'll one day reap
now and lay me down to... **** sleep
I have too many secrets I must keep. Living my life of repeat
actions are louder than mere words proving talk is cheap
into the shadows often I retreat
to hide from those moments that are bittersweet
gone in a heartbeat
I cannot admit defeat.
Even when I am not able to remain discreet
my situation is not so unique.  Especially when I am on straight tweak  
incomplete
unwilling to trust myself not to misspeak
one true deep
a broken heap
I attempt to render myself obsolete.  A sinner  faithless chased by ghosts that are faceless.
In a time that seems fadeless. Traditions that seem ageless
valor that is said to be contagious when an ignoramos is made ****** famous by their intentions heinous. Shameless are the brainlessthat were sent to sustain us
unable to cover our bareness
with fairness. Nightmarish memories we hope will perish. Spread awareness.
The dead stare less and  there is nothing I wish to confess.
Other than Im a hot mess with emotions that I cannot seem to express.
Under duress I stress
more or less
here hard to press
issues I still need to address.
I obsess
repossess
I congest
truth hard to digest
under protest
**** with the best
and die like all the rest.
In these chaotic frabracations,
that are really next level fairy tales demented as hell.  
The heroes they have all fell
Into worlds that are somehow parallel
turning full circles on this **** carasoul.
Until I start to feel rather unwell. Right around the time of this epic fail
I bid thee a fond fare the well
ask no more questions and no lies will I attempt to sell.
Dubious interactions
can't get no satisfaction
riding off in a two wheeled contraption.
Without desire
withholding passion
in true losers fashion.
Character's assassin.
A week's worth of rations.
Hope just for the dashing.
Thrashing
these drugs here are for stashing. For a party worthy of crashing. Mention it not even in passing.
Ever lasting.
Broadcasting.
Fasting.
Reacting.
Relaxing
everything is so distracting.

Family traditions,
memories that will never fade.
Down my face the tears  do not cascade.
On my whole heart all of this heavily weighs.
Inside of my very soul it all stays. These moments will be here with me, always.  
This is what I still crave.
The memory The memories invade
Emotions they enslave
Rant vent rave
I'm good at it I don't know how to behave
From myself me I must now save.  Stay safe
no evidence no  **** case
disgrace
what a waste
mistakes that cannot be Erased
save ******* face
spirits give chase
pass right by me like I'm running in place
free base
for the impact I brace
trying to keep up pace
bitter taste
lose the race
louder than words actions speak.  ******* spun I geek
been awake a ******* week
will I ever find what I seek
pray to God my soul to keep
one true deep
you'd fall in love and  l'd Fall the **** asleep
through me these thoughts slowly creep
vindictive streak
incomplete
cannot accept  defeat
onto Bottom rock I land rock bottom In a broken heap
when off this mortal coil I did leap price to pay way too steep
stuck on ******* repeat.
What I sow I will reap
Rotten to the core my intentions reek
I may very be a freak
into me these demons sneak  salvation beyond my ******* reach This is not something I can teach. The gifts he gave to each.
Listen to the imposters preach.
Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
I can't be anyone but me
and I have no clue who that's even supposed to be
Tomorrow holds no guarantee whatever is coming will be here eventually.
So I am ****** essentially
a **** up I am sometimes intentionally
I am traveling dimensionally
You seemed to be concerned about me genuinely
I am going to **** up continuously
This nightmare goes on and on endlessly
Like the dope in this bowl
that I now rock, I burn slow
in my dark barren soul
there's a big hole.
I keep spiraling, spinning right of control.
Impossible to console,
colder and much more corrupt the older that I grow
These blessings he did bestow
What comes next I just don't know into the nefarious darkness I blindly stroll
I guess I like it better like this
Ignorance is bliss
Offhanded remarks I'm quick to dismiss
I still taste fates lingering kiss
Life's a ***** then you die
So ******* what I get high
No need for an iron clad alibi
Tragedy streaks my dark sky
Chasing smoke clouds and spirits though I don't know why
With society's rules I don't comply
An answer to your question I will not dignify
Memories from my past my brain does Preoccupy
With as Queen misfit I Identify
From here on out I transmogrify
Soon I hope to disappear in the sweet by and by
Into the stratosphere i fly
I guess this is where I say good bye
Unconscious sigh
Modify
Problem I
Turn a blind eye
Rock a bye
Direction I
Drop supplies
Rocks lie
Detoxify
solemn high
Remarks apply
Horrifyingly
Pardon my
Watchful eye
When Dolphins cry
Today I die

To come right out and say that I've never once touched anything my spirit could feel would be an all out lie. I once had the spirit of, I running, from myself and me  after being caught haphazardly  in haberdashery  like I had some audacity. This time my so called intentions lingered on dastardly, so sarcastically I joke my heart beating  so **** sporadically and my mind wandering around erratically all on its own. Most of everyone else's actions I just simply cannot condone.  I just simply cannot get down with that much complete disrespect. The thought of what is happening next has me quite perplexed because I don't know what to expect. But maybe I shouldn't let things that haven't even happened yet get me so upset. The air in the room has been heavily perfumed by the scents of sweat, ***, and sin. It's like here we go once again. Did you know that I've always been so ****
uncomfortable inside of my own skin. I was almost certain those battles I would win. It doesn't matter, I am just a sliver of tarnished silver's evil twin. How long until I break instead of bend? Off to the ****** bin for trying to vanquish these demons with a Bobby pin. I get there and they wouldn't let me in. I'm not  your foe in case you didn't know but for sure I am a fiend, my friend. Sometimes it's too much for me to even comprehend. I'm lost in my world of make believe and pretend time to make amends, pray for forgiveness for all my sins., Amen

  I must say the time I've spent with you could have otherwise been enjoyed.   At the risk of coming off sounding like I'm paranoid. I am an overjoyed unemployed humanoid that thinks just by  walking out of the house while texting on an android that I could somehow be flattened by a random asteroid. Every notion I once had has now been completely destroyed. ******* I tend to irritate so you can call me a hemorrhoid. All this crap would've  just been so **** easy to avoid. Yet here I am defying gravity as I am free just slipping through the **** void. I can't help it I'm annoyed. I feel like with my emotions someone has toyed so now weapons of destruction have already been deployed. I fried my receptors Cannabinoid. This really isn't even me I've been decoyed. My best phrases have already been coined I can't help it I jumped in the bandwagon before I realized what I had joined. From the inside it's easier to disjoint. **** it what's the **** point let's smoke another joint.

All the voices of reason slowly beginning to fade. Naked as Jay Bird I am only covered by nights shade. Being chased by the faceless monsters I got for every hero I decided to trade. Every single day comes those mistakes I just cannot erase nonetheless they were made.
well hell what do you expect me to say, oh well I wasted yet another day,
Another day, these demons of mine I try to hold at bay
although not even myself i do I ever truly obey
All of this crap was not worth the price I did pay

As I find myself starting to slowly fade
this cancer my body it does invade
It can't be eradicated nor can it even be delayed
wonder how long I have before in a shallow grave I am laid

I feel the pain I often wish would subside
eating away at me from inside
my troubling thoughts are hard to hide
It was to no avail but I tried
An epic fail, a loss in the power glide
Take all of it in great stride
Myself I am beside
Waiting for my ride or die my die to ride to help me ride that pride right on through to the other side.

There's been so much going on lately that I'm not sure what I should even be doing maybe looking for something new to my pursuing
Maybe a new sight for viewing
Maybe a new spell for the brewing

Either way it's all good, hell it's all great but to save me from myself it's too **** late
Self medicate
*** half *** on sedate
I'm a **** up still to this very date
Isn't addiction great
Does anyone else relate

My tragic skies are disastrously streaked  strongly those dastardly intentions reek.
They reek to the highest parts of hell. An extremely throwed off character I was  assassinated in the a truly demented fairy's tale. Surrounded by the smoke that is growing rather stale
I chase spirits to no such avail.
I  pretty much just fell into these worlds somehow parallel
due the full circles I kept spinning in on this **** Carousel.  
Dancing with the devil as the tainted moonlight shines in the window pale. All I  could even think to say was WhAT THE HELL?
. All the voices of reason are slowly beginning to fade.
Naked as Jay Bird I am only covered by nights shade. Being chased by the faceless monsters I got for every hero I decided to trade.
Every single day come the  mistakes I cannot erase but nonetheless I still made
way too high was the price that was paid

On the ground far this side of saving grace I hit the ground in manner that was rather abrupt. Innocent I'm not, I am cold and that much more corrupt. Sorry I hate to interrupt. I'm thinking about tearing down the walls It too me so long to construct. I am the definition of disorderly conduct. ****** if I do and of I don't I am already ******. I feel like I am lit up from the inside like soon I just might spontaneously combust. So I  was burning down the beautiful pain like it was just ashes to dust. Even in the end we are still just us. even if  our tempers erupt, one last time I self destruct.

All this time I admit I've been silently stalling
Last week was when I first heard my demons calling
I stopped then as I was listening, I started out to follow the sound
Soon after that the snow really started to coming down
I had gotten lost because to find out I had to **** around  
G  and alone I hiding in the nefarious dark, away from the fallout,
of this, now raging storm
Please God, I need you, to keep me safe and warm
That's when I couldn't help it I just started bawling
I'm desperate God, please from inside my head, can you please stop the snow from falling

Rescue me from ever nightmare
I see demons coming from everywhere
My soul is in a state of disrepair
I am frozen here blind but seemingly I stare
Please dear God, are you still there?
Won't you please answer my urgent prayer
My emotions are just as raw as they are bare
I'm beginning to fall rather unwell  
That when I had slipped and fell into the worlds parallel
I've been a prisoner for so long now in my own private Hepl
I'm just a broken vessel, hollowed out is my fragile shell
I find myself all alone going round and round on the Carousel
I spin rather quickly in these circles I fully turn
To whom ever this might  concern
Light the fire now please just let it burn
My stomach is beginning to churn
Do I never seem to learn
Why is this the time and the place often in which I usually return

I have nothing on me of value except for my soul
I have to  do just what I can because  I refuse to let that go
I have a halo but it's not even made of gold
For sale, my halo is for the price of a fiddle and a song
As I fall from places I tried to force myself to belong      

Now I have no doubt just where I went wrong
I was getting everything wrong, all along
I cannot believe I had been so headstrong
That couldn't tell night had already turned to dawn
I was completely animated like a cartoon I had been drawn
The unsavory bits of me are now since gone

Where am I now destined to roam
out here in the middle of nowhere where I am all alone
Without anyone by my side I guess I am on my own
I've been to pretty places where the flowers have grown
I took in all the sights I have been shown
Then I woke up and I was right back at home.

Thank you lord for showing me the error of my ways
I will do my best not to go too far astray
For the rest of my live long days
I will try a little harder to simply just obey.
I don't even know what else I can say.

I still hear those demons calling as they begin to yell
Trying to rewrite every single fairytale
As I'm forced to dance with the devil  in the moonlight so pale
Is this another version of my own Hell
In the freshly fallen snow I guess I fell
Once again with all my might I had tried to no avail
Oh ******* well
I couldn't help but yell
Just when I had jumped my *** right off that carousel
  


















All this time I admit I've been silently stalling
Last week was when I first heard my demons calling
I stopped then as I was listening, I started out to follow the sound
Soon after that the snow really started to coming down
I had gotten lost because to find out I had to **** around  
G  and alone I hiding in the nefarious dark, away from the fallout,
of this, now raging storm
Please God, I need you, to keep me safe and warm
That's when I couldn't help it I just started bawling
I'm desperate God, please from inside my head, can you please stop the snow from falling

Rescue me from ever nightmare
I see demons coming from everywhere
My soul is in a state of disrepair
I am frozen here blind but seemingly I stare
Please dear God, are you still there?
Won't you please answer my urgent prayer
My emotions are just as raw as they are bare
I'm beginning to fall rather unwell  
That when I had slipped and fell into the worlds parallel
I've been a prisoner for so long now in my own private Hepl
I'm just a broken vessel, hollowed out is my fragile shell
I find myself all alone going round and round on the Carousel
I spin rather quickly in these circles I fully turn
To whom ever this might  concern
Light the fire now please just let it burn
My stomach is beginning to churn
Do I never seem to learn
Why is this the time and the place often in which I usually return

I have nothing on me of value except for my soul
I have to  do just what I can because  I refuse to let that go
I have a halo but it's not even made of gold
For sale, my halo is for the price of a fiddle and a song
As I fall from places I tried to force myself to belong      

Now I have no doubt just where I went wrong
I was getting everything wrong, all along
I cannot believe I had been so headstrong
That couldn't tell night had already turned to dawn
I was completely animated like a cartoon I had been drawn
The unsavory bits of me are now since gone

Where am I now destined to roam
out here in the middle of nowhere where I am all alone
Without anyone by my side I guess I am on my own
I've been to pretty places where the flowers have grown
I took in all the sights I have been shown
Then I woke up and I was right back at home.

Thank you lord for showing me the error of my ways
I will do my best not to go too far astray
For the rest of my live long days
I will try a little harder to simply just obey.
I don't even know what else I can say.

I still hear those demons calling as they begin to yell
Trying to rewrite every single fairytale
As I'm forced to dance with the devil  in the moonlight so pale
Is this another version of my own Hell
In the freshly fallen snow I guess I fell
Once again with all my might I had tried to no avail
Oh ******* well
I couldn't help but yell
Just when I had jumped my *** right off that carousel