I have cried tears I would let no one see, I guess above all I'd say I am happy to just be me. I don't know others describe me for the most part do not care, as long as I have at least one person who is really there. You can't put things into prospective without paying the toll, I'm running on empty even though I've got no where to go. I'm bombarded by voices and images that weren't meant to last. It's a hell of a thing to be haunted by the past. Even though I've lived and learned and loved and lost, to sit out the pain would been quite a cost. For I've laughed till I've cried with those I call my own, and it is true where you hang your heart is home. I feel confident that I am doing quite well, not trying to listen to the stories others tell, about finding that fabled happiness some believe is just lore, and I am astonished that I still remember exactly what I am fighting for. Like everyone else I sometimes feel sad and blue, at the end of my rope uncertain as to what I can do. You can talk **** but I don't give a **** because I refuse to just sit here spitting out pieces of broken luck. Life is what you make it and although mines not all I hoped it would be, there no one that can change it none but me. I am the captain of my soul the master of my fate. Can you still save me or is too late. Corrupted by age innocent I am not but I can't be forsaken and **** sure not forgot. I make an impression that lasts awhile, no matter what I force myself to smile. I've been though a lot more than I thought I could take, turns out the more you endure the harder you are to break.
I am anything but fake real mistakes that I cannot erase everyday I make. My own problems
I now knowingly create. That is the difference between the way I used to be way back when and how I am today. At. This exact moment in time. Always traveling outside the parameters of my own mind seeking out what I doubt I'll ever find. This world has a lot of out of way places, mostly unkind. A character once assassinated is much harder to define. What is next in destiny's design? Im a perfect **** up who is getting ****** up perfectly. That is a certainty. Nowadays it feels like it's been an Eternity. Eternally I hold everything inside til I implode Internally. It's an uncomfortable uncertainty. That Inadvertently builds such a sense of urgency it really becomes a state of emergency.

When it all gets to be too much I look at my daughters' faces, they alone are the reasons I'm not just another angel who's fallen from grace. They usually trip the monsters that give me chase. Even though they quickly catch up like I've been just running in place. Nowadays I am a erratic basket case, especially when these tears i taste. Like a cadet it's then i blast off into outer space. What a ******* waste. I've become a person who is misplaced.
Nothing more than a **** disgrace. Who cannot seem to keep up the pace in this so-called rat race.
I give the Lord every bit of the praise my heart still aches as on me these dark thoughts still heavily weigh. If you ask me there is a fine line between being stupid and being brave. I know every sin of mine God has forgave. Death's bouquets still cover the stench of anything that is half decayed. Once enslaved by same old **** replayed on another day. **** I have already set it all ablaze so like ashes left in a fireplace I let it all burn the flames never cease to amaze you'd be surprised by all the people that come at me sideways. Sometimes before the come and throw me in my grave I wonder if I will break these chains and learn that instead of being good at it, it's probably so much easier to just behave.

One Mississippi
two Mississippi
three missahippie.
My sweet mama I miss a hippie though she's is completely ******* trippy.
Still the life of the party at a little past sixty.
Tonight I wished her *** was here right here with me.
I couldn't put it more simply. I hate feeling **** so **** intensely.
Incomprehensibly stupid are the people that surround.
I don't think you want to find out what's next do better don't **** around. White moise in my head the static is a deafening sound.
I chase it with clouds of smoke to ties that bind by blood I am bound deep dark thoughts so **** profound
Just merely everything i hold so dearly
I mean come the **** on now really this **** is being to get silly insincerely punished severely.
My pain is now mixed with little bits of my tranquility.
Still I'm feeling rather ****** sometimes im so glad time moves so  swiftly
whatever it is I've got coming just gimme and let me trudge on Weary. Oh my sweet sweet mama was caught up in some ******* drama and is now in county jail a possible thousand dollar bail. Into I seemingly stare.
Is anyone here right now even really there.
It doesn't matter I don't really care.
Back in my day I was the very one, from me you'd die if you had tried to run.
I am not top flight security I will not drop the **** gun. It seems like most of my life I have already been spinning with the exact actions needed when you are conspiring to be spun
against all I stood for into the  calamity automatically sprung. Words were used as ammunition while unbroken remained all of my bones the sticks and the stones really stung. The battle may be over but the war that was freshly was just waged with each sides demonic factors had been chained up and caged this war
Had just begun meanwhile back at the standpoint it was sorry Charlie you're ******* clazy
bloodshed and bodies litter the battlefield
but not even that could have ever phased me
the insane ways others often think intrigues me clearly it

The feel right now is completely irrelevant but in this room I would like to address the elephant hallucination
probably about 100 percent.
**** really even barely makes sense. Lately things have made me feel so tense
what comes next don't keep in suspense.
Head's feeling a little too dense.
I swear I only fought back on self defense
that black eye I didn't give you was no coincidence
I am claiming that ignorance is bliss the key is on that stupid **** don't place so much significance. Different places different friends different things I now intend
lower and lower it seems that I am beginning to descend with this addiction I must contend. If you asking me what I am about to do well that will depend if you and I turning in full circles like it's a new trend. I am not your foe but I am in fact a fiend my friend.
Is this some kind of superstition or is this simply a tradition.
This is just another example of the human condition
how long will it be before I break instead of just Bend.
Into the crowd I am desperately attempting to blend.
I'm sorry I really don't mean to offend
it looks like we have hit yet another dead end.
I repeat the complete insanity over and over again.
I'm just a hollowed out vessel harboring these secrets I am forced to keep.
Incomplete
I am trying to be discreet but I am seeing **** due to the lack of sleep
I am a little lost I'm  feeling rather weak I have one hell of a vindictive streak
well this is me  it is who I am  along with demons playing hide and seek now I lay me down my soul I pray to God to keep  
actions speak louder than words because talk is cheap
one day just what I have sewn I'll reap.
Through my old neighborhood slowly I creep. I
slow my roll as I roll down my old street
sporadic in my chest my heart does beat.
I think what I'm looking for is probability right out of my reach
I am unable to just accept defeat. My life is stuck on ****** repeat. Sometimes I consider being out there running with the elite.
Then into the shadows I often retreat fleeing from those moments that are at best bittersweet.
Memories that I cannot delete still my story is in set in concrete it can be anything my broken mind can conceive.
I know the  goals  I've set soon I will achieve that would actually come as a relief
I am staring at the newest version of me in total disbelief right now I don't have time to deal with this grief.  Just who the **** are you attempting to deceive.
I have nothing else up my sleeve addiction is a hell of a disease
can't someone just come and help me please the day is discouraging I prefer to just seize the night..
I know I am so **** far left I just cannot get myself right.
I try with all of my might to make sense of this gifted kind of insight. Flames in my hell don't quite burn as bright.
The voices in my head now have all gone quite
I won't grow old graceful every step of the way I have every intention to fight it.
I smoke I chief on these little green trees I pray for that sweet leaf. Offering me a little bit of a release. How could I forgotten the way my heart rate seems to increase when I start to live dangerously.
Excuse the hell out of me people they only see just what they really want to see.
I stand alone among the debris.
I just have to  live free
to me please don't pay any attention to my contributed delinquency
you have any clue on who it is I am really  supposed to be.
I give in I surender the control I have thought about relinquishing.
I myself am diminishing this project I'm nowhere near finishing
I am supposed to love myself unconditionally
but just not the case when     disbelievingly  in prayer I drop down on bent knee.
I feel like I need so one that's able to represent me.
Maybe I need someone to just reinvent me
I do all kinds of this experimentally
I try to use my resources sparingly yet I move the **** on daringly. though these dark skies I navigate wearily.
This is the story of my life apparently before I lose all my strength despairing
it probably looks like I move all so uncaring increasingly there seems to be a minor discrepancy
. It's the very definition of me trying to emerge with integrity
whole often I find myself just spinning off right out of control colder and more corrupt the older I grow
there's a hole that isn't fillable
in my dark desolate soul
that is what most people simply do not know all the secrets from all of these last years that I have been told makes me want to be like laundry just so I can fold asked no questions so lies have been sold.

They say that if you  don't ever slow down you'll never grow old
. I barely found it inside of myself to be able to hitch hike down this familiar dirt road
teeter I totter on the very brink of a psychotic episode
just give me a second let me go ahead and lock and load
  to have and to hold though the very gates of hell I have **** sure rode.
I am half *** ready to go on and explode you're **** straight if you think that I am throwed.
I slipped right back into beast mode. These big *** cracks in my moral code bodies they will easily hold when the devil made me he **** sure broke the mold I am only taking just what I think that I'm owed wish the progression could be slowed  I'm impossible to be consoled this particular street is often  heavily patrolled there have been very few times my emotions have accidentally shown.. cherished you are in the eyes of the one you actually behold. I think I am a little too exposed quite a bit I'm indisposed this isn't how I supposed this would go.  Being pulled so far down below me and the devil go blow for blow. I go where no one else can follow I wallow in my sorrow I knew that time here was only ours to barrow I am counting on there being a tomorrow Broken it's me laying here hap hazardly for a place just I wait disastrously the truth is even when Im good with all the chaos and calamity I still a walking talking catastrophe. I the job I have done unsatisfactory. Distractedly dastardly reactively to some things I feel so compassionately that to myself I think absently that you are a liability that is just part of the reality. I had a bad bad break in my mentality abnormalities help me with all these legalities that get me off on technicalities. Effectively questionable exceptionally a deception I see. I gather up my **** separately  selectively I trod on defectively I'm unable to see the situation objectively why does there seem to be so much negativity I don't want to suffer through the indignity I need a new identity can't stand the intensity cannot not hold up under the pressure yet I continue on relentlessly I suffer through the Indecently that had gotten worse as in recently halt fire increasingly. It is so hard to get through to me freezing cold I am ******* empty images the fade fleetingly I find I am indeed discontent repeatably the future I can not see fearing Indecently interfering the demons are staring at me indecent in their inhumanity somewhere between this rewritten work of fiction and a fantasy, it's something that for me is hard to fathom understandably underhandedly explicit in the lines of demented profanity. Up to my eyes I'm in elbow grease and ingenuity.  This is so unusually new to me nothing is really left
The feel right now is completely irrelevant but in this room I would like to address the elephant hallucination probably about 100 percent. **** really even barely makes sense. Lately things have made me feel so tense what comes next don't keep in suspense. Head's feeling a little too dense. I swear I only fought back on self defense that black eye I didn't give you was no coincidence I am claiming that ignorance is bliss the key is on that stupid **** don't place so much significance. Different places different friends different things I now intend lower and lower it seems that I am beginning to descend with this addiction I must contend. If you asking me what I am about to do well that will depend if you and I turning in full circles like it's a new trend. I am not your foe but I am in fact a fiend my friend. Is this some kind of superstition or is this simply a tradition. This is just another example of the human condition how long will it be before I break instead of just Bend. Into the crowd I am desperately attempting to blend. I'm sorry I really don't mean to offend it looks like we have hit yet another dead end. I repeat the complete insanity over and over again. I'm just a hollowed out vessel harboring these secrets I am forced to keep. Incomplete I am trying to be discreet but I am seeing **** due to the lack of sleep I am a little lost I'm  feeling rather weak I have one hell of a vindictive streak well this is me  it is who I am  along with demons playing hide and seek now I lay me down my soul I pray to God to keep  actions speak louder than words because talk is cheap one day just what I have sewn I'll reap. Through my old neighborhood slowly I creep. I slow my roll as I roll down my old street sporadic in my chest my heart does beat. I think what I'm looking for is probability right out of my reach I am unable to just accept defeat. My life is stuck on ****** repeat. Sometimes I consider being out there running with the elite. Then into the shadows I often retreat fleeing from those moments that are at best bittersweet. Memories that I cannot delete still my story is in set in concrete it can be anything my broken mind can conceive. I know the  goals  I've set soon I will achieve that would actually come as a relief I am staring at the newest version of me in total disbelief right now I don't have time to deal with this grief.  Just who the **** are you attempting to deceive I have nothing else up my sleeve addiction is a hell of a disease can't someone just come and help me please the day is discouraging I prefer to just seize the night. I know I am so **** far left I just cannot get myself right. I try with all of my might to make sense of this gifted kind of insight. Flames in my hell don't quite burn as bright. The voices in my head now have all gone quite I won't grow old graceful every step of the way I have every intention to fight it. I smoke I chief on these little green trees I pray for that sweet leaf. Offering me a little bit of a release. How could I forgotten the way my heart rate seems to increase when I start to live dangerously. Excuse the hell out of me people they only see just what they really want to see. I stand alone among the debris. I just have to  live free to me please don't pay any attention to my contributed delinquency you have any clue on who it is I am really  supposed to be. I give in I surender the control I have thought about relinquishing. I myself am diminishing this project I'm nowhere near finishing I am supposed to love myself unconditionally but just not the case when     disbelievingly  in prayer I drop down on bent knee. I feel like I need so one that's able to represent me. Maybe I need someone to just reinvent me I do all kinds of this experimentally I try to use my resources sparingly yet I move the **** on daringly. though these dark skies I navigate wearily. This is the story of my life apparently before I lose all my strength despairingly it probably looks like I move all so uncaring increasingly there seems to be a minor discrepancy. It's the very definition of me trying to emerge with integrity whole often I find myself just spinning off right out of control colder and more corrupt the older I grow there's a hole that isn't fillable in my dark desolate soul that is what most people simply do not know all the secrets from all of these last years that I have been told makes me want to be like laundry just so I can fold asked no questions so lies have been sold. They say that if you  don't ever slow down you'll never grow old. I barely found it inside of myself to be able to hitch hike down this familiar dirt road teeter I totter on the very brink of a psychotic episode just give me a second let me go ahead and lock and load  to have and to hold though the very gates of hell I have **** sure rode. I am half *** ready to go on and explode you're **** straight if you think that I am throwed. I slipped right back into beast mode. These big *** cracks in my moral code bodies they will easily hold when the devil made me he **** sure broke the mold I am only taking just what I think that I'm owed wish the progression could be slowed  I'm impossible to be consoled this particular street is often  heavily patrolled there have been very few times my emotions have accidentally shown.. cherished you are in the eyes of the one you actually behold. I think I am a little too exposed quite a bit I'm indisposed this isn't how I supposed this would go.  Being pulled so far down below me and the devil go blow for blow. I go where no one else can follow I wallow in my sorrow I knew that time here was only ours to barrow I am counting on there being a tomorrow Broken it's me laying here hap haphazardly for a place just I wait disastrously the truth is even when Im good with all the chaos and calamity I still a walking talking catastrophe. I the job I have done unsatisfactory. Distractedly dastardly reactively to some things I feel so compassionately that to myself I think absently that you are a liability that is just part of the reality. I had a bad bad break in my mentality abnormalities help me with all these legalities that get me off on technicalities. Effectively questionable exceptionally a deception I see. I gather up my **** separately  selectively I trod on defectively I'm unable to see the situation objectively why does there seem to be so much negativity I don't want to suffer through the indignity I need a new identity can't stand the intensity cannot not hold up under the pressure yet I continue on relentlessly I suffer through the Indecently that had gotten worse as in recently halt fire increasingly. It is so hard to get through to me freezing cold I am ******* empty images the fade fleetingly I find I am indeed discontent repeatably the future I can not see fearing Indecently interfering the demons are staring at me indecent in their inhumanity somewhere between this rewritten work of fiction and a fantasy, it's something that for me is hard to fathom understandably underhandedly explicit in the lines of demented profanity. Up to my eyes I'm in elbow grease and ingenuity.  This is so unusually new to me nothing is really left just air and opportunity sing a song out of tune off melody commit a ******* felony I admit I watch the entire scene play out only seldomly. Drastically I evacuate the building almost magically. Unfortunately I am person that is uncontrollably disturbed emotionally  unknowingly causing a
Commotion imperfectly commit a travesty another ******* tragedy violently over there balcony silently there is now a casualty. It was casually created so callously principles before personalities. I will do just what I **** well please I swallow down quite a few of those and some of these easily. I get myself ****** up pleasing to me a waste of space A space that has gone into waste now it is time to make haste because I am significantly placed  for the faceless ghosts to give chase constantly I fall far from this side of saving grace  I keep trying to save face but it's hard to keep up this quicken pace when with the memories the pain now seems to interlaced. Back to me there is nothing that can be traced steps I have placed this Just in if there is no **** evidence  there. Is no **** case

It doesn't seem like this **** should even really matter, increasingly disturbing thoughts that lately I have begun to gather. Way down deep inside I shove these feelings and emotions I refuse to let show. If I could just give it to God perhaps I might be able to let some of it go. My body has already been  by this cancer  invaded. Its progression can't be delayed or eradicated. Quite unsure what to even think I spend every moment I am awake trying to get faded. I try to forget that probably sooner than  later I'll start. Fading right to black the dark thoughts that no matter how I wish I can't just take back. Unfortunately this is no fabrication this is straight fact. Maybe years from now they'll dig me up like an artifact. Who the **** know maybe I will make it out scathed integrity still mostly intact. It's not for myself that I even really hold concern For in death I have no more lessons to learn. It's about all the loved ones that I'll be leaving behind. In so many places that are usually most unkind the things that get twisted up and rattle around inside my head leave me more than just a little perplexed. I think the hardest part in not knowing what do expect. I wish I knew someone that could tell me what is coming next. Will my loved one be those that will pine as I burn and perish will the memories they have of me be among the moments that they cherish. It's all still somewhat nightmarish. This body's merely a vessel. I have no doubt to glory my spirit will surely fly. Imanage going up, up do much higher and faster than dare I. No need for anymore alibis  no more lullabies. Just this darkness as they close my eyes. No questions no more lies. Not another misconception. This is my last masquerade costume I adorn to play the final charade. I would go completely naked if I knew I would be covered by the nights shade. For ghosts that for years now have been faceless most of my cherished heroes have been hasitaly traded I know for a while now I have been watching the world with eyes pretty **** jaded. More than it actually is it sounds so complicated. I can not help the things that I have contemplated. On my heart it has been heavily weighed how to tell those I behold goodbye. That's going to be the hardest on me myself I am beside. I pray I said.y peace as u accept this possible fate perhaps for the solace and salvation I'm already too **** late how do I know that heaven and hell are really even real will it be there that my forever wounds will finally heal my emotions I will continue to conceal everything is beginning to look kind of surreal on bent knees in prayer I kneel no more full circles will I turn. In the spreading flames I'll no longer burn. I had often wondered when the time I borrowed would adjourn.  Answers the questions I ponder is something for which I desperately yearn. When completely I am gone will my spirit walk and linger on though this purgetory of broken fairytales or will the devil himself come drag ble straight to hell. It's now I quite badly wish for those worlds that were somehow parallel I am for sure of at least one thing I'm getting off this **** carasoul if not this entire Merry go round. I am  like a stero wired for ******* sound. Head in the clouds I drag my feet along the ground never am I coming down maybe myself
I will find out if I just **** around. maybe in what I seek what I need will actually be found.  Deeper down that ever before the dark thoughts I am compelled to hide most of all I look forward to possibly kicking it with my cousin that's on the other side. that alone stays my hand from suicide. It's those kinds of thoughts in which I have no left I can confide. Since once again I am at a loss that has turned into another epic fail though I tried to no avail. In the wind I can almost hear the banshees wail. Falling in reverse from the sky in a spinning of the tail. Dance with the devil in the tainted moon light that was rather pale. Surrounded by all the smoke that has quickly grown long since stale white noise I hear the static in my head it's driving me sane for that is when I get the craziest.  This purple the fogs quite hazy. Sort of like the twilight zone to each their own me and Rod sterling walk side by side wandering lost.  While these spirits give me chase. Inside these outer limits of this Peyton place where I am constantly attempting to save face as I continuously fall from this side of my saving grace. Like the smoke and fog I should disappear without another trace no **** evidence no **** case. go on you do as you dare eventually I will have to get going it doesn't matter going where remaining my biggest question is anyone that's here right now really even all there. Forget the **** dog of the owner beware doing my damnest not to start sinking into my utter despair on me war the creatures I conjured declare my nerves are raw and completely bare for this journey I cannot prepare times now running short so I this world of nothing but opportunity and plenty air I choose to hit the **** **** while into this nothing i stare. I cross my heart on my soul I swear I appreciate every single prayer. Do not cry for me when I am gone do not morn for me today. Just like s gently flickering flame that's burning out slow Rocking my last bowl the insufferable pain burns deeper this hole in my already dark barren soul. I am colder and corrupt the older I grow. Do tell what else does anyone else need to know.

Waiting for the aftershock to subside
I failed epically even though I tried. Reclaiming all the tears that I have cried. Please God I pray you let my transgressions slide.
With the rules I do not comply. Vindictive streaked is my dark tragic sky. I keep chasing spirits and smoke clouds though I just do not know why.
No need for an iron clad alibi. I'll tell you straight I was out getting high.
Chaos and catastrophes seem to collide  pain and turmoil brought in by the rising crimson tide.
I still try to take it all in stride
riding for my ride or die
to help ride the very pride
right to the other ******* side.
Power glide.
Patience short supplied.
No one left in which I feel as if I could confide
my frequent thoughts of suicide.
Hole deep in my cold barren soul just as deep as it is wide.
Pushing the pain way down inside
my emotions I tend to hide.
When my cuz passed part of me actually died.
By myself I am beside
These drugs I self prescribe.
Into another realm it seems as if I did arrive. In this pain I still writhe. Feeling more dead than I do alive.

Dig my *** up like an artifact after I was buried beneath the chaos and the calamity that somehow I seem to  attract.
Make it out unscathed integrity still intact.
Brace myself for the impact. No brags just plain fact. Against Me all the odds are unfairly  stacked
from all angles now I'm attacked. Revenge I exact. Fell right into the trap. I think I may need a nap. Sharp as a tac. Throw out the rift raft
*** for tat tat for *** take another ******* hit. **** close to being lit legit. Another wash up misfit
That just will not quit.
I don't sive a ghit
nor do i even give a ****. Forcing myself into places that I was never meant to fit.

Sporadically my heartbeats inside my chest
as on my shoulders the weight of what feels like the world I attempt to heft.
I would give my very last breath if I had any oxygen left.
In these shinny surfaces my face does reflect.
I am not perfect.
Unless you mean perfectly ****** up. Reeking havoc out running amuck.
In a  stolen pick up truck spitting out tiny pieces of my broken luck.
Thunderstruck in an addicted mindset I am stuck
hitting the ground hard in a manner rather abrupt
falling in a reverse tail spin.
Colder and much more corrupt.
My temper is capable of beginning  to erupt. Disorderly is how to define my conduct. These walls I have to reconstruct readjust. Don't look at me with such disgust. Very few people do I actually trust. Only the ones that I must. Ashes to dust. If it wasn't for marijuana my lungs would rust.
About ready to just spontaneously combust.
Do not try to interrupt. These demons disrupt
do just as instruct.
Stand clear as I self ******* distruct.

Dancing my way out of the the masquerade, to play life's little charade. Intrusive thoughts they invade. Unafraid renegade.  Hand well played.
For a week up I have stayed
Far from the beaten path I have strayed. Orders not obeyed.
With death's  bouquet
Cover the stretch of those already decayed.
To black I attempt to fade.
Not the master of my fate.
No intentions of ever going straight.
Cannot save me from myself for that it's way too **** late.

Solace and salvation I seek actively. About this I feel passionately.
I try to present myself fashionably. But distractedly waiting to happen a disaster haphazardly casually a callously created causality
an abnormality. Get off on a technicality. Distorted sense of reality coming from my badly broken mentality. Brutality, fatality.
What in this actuality is just a principality held over someone else's haywire personality.
Never have I ever been so **** sincere in the middle of the night I am seeing pretty **** clear
I feel as the end maybe growing near. Hold my throttle
hold my beer.
As the dawn approaches i begin to ******* disappear
my mind always wondering if anyone out there right now is even really here.
Burn down all I ever held so **** dear. Swinging from the chandelier. Here is to another wild year.

I don't know what it is that I am attempting to seek actions louder than words proving that talk is cheap.
I run one true deep.
Now I lay me down... To do anything but ******* sleep
I have to many secrets only I can keep.
My eyes been wide open for about a week. My intentions reek. I gack I geek I ******* tweak. I don't trust myself not to misspeak
in the shadows I often retreat unable to admit defeat.
Trying to stay discreet
while I wander this street. Incomplete vindictive streak running from moments that are at best bittersweet. Wish I was a mistake that someone could delete
living my life like it's stuck on repeat. I'll  take my whiskey neat.  
now I will attempt to render myself completely obsolete.

I am silver that's now tarnished and growing dull
Intrusive thoughts twisted up rattle around inside of ******* skull. A broken vessel
An empty hull.  Rock another ******* bowl. Spin spun right out of control. Slow my roll before off in the nefarious darkness I stroll. Traveling where there are only  places my angels dare never to go.

Fabrications seem  to heavily fall as the toxins expell
Nothing more than a throwed off fairy tale that is demented as hell.
Ask no questions and no lies will I have to sell. I bid the a fond fare the well. As moonlight goes pale and the smoke grows stale. I tried but to no avail.
Do another hot rail
Follow a dusty trail.
Now I am weak and kind of frail.
Banshees loudly wail. Hammer into my coffin another nail.
Get ready to set sail. Spinning til I am feeling rather unwell.
In this rather unsavory prison I tend to dwell. Tension starting to swell.

Crushed here underneath this pending doom, my room has become just another tomb
For some grave digger to exhume.
My activities I try and resume but I am higher than a **** ballin animated  all drawn out like a **** cartoon red assed like a **** baboon. Nothing seems to cut though this gloom the toxic fumes the air it perfumes.  Like peacocks colorful plumes
Will I die as presume. This poison I consume.
Burning in the afternoon

Violets blue Roses red awake I lay in my bed stuck inside of my own head. Living my life like I am already three fourths dead overcome with dread this disease is now widespread decency I have not a single shread hanging on by a single thread should've turned this ****** dope right back into Sudafed. Deja Vu all things have somehow gone askew just what is it you think I am supposed to do I trust very few well maybe just two one is not me the other is not you. Given chase by things I once did pursue. Haven't got a ******* clue wonder off into the clear blue I try to keep myself out of view penance is long overdue do not judge me until you know what I've been through. Broken spirits send my soul to shatter crazier I am madder than the mad hatter not that it really even seems to matter. swing batter batter **** tends to splatter dark are these thoughts that I attempt to gather a ******* disaster from these terrors I can not run and ******* faster. Of my fate I am no master forever searching for what everyone else is after maddening is the laughter the echo still a factor all the world is a stage everyone is an actor. Prepare for the rapture recapture distractor trapper. All of this has gone straight down the crapper. Vindictive streak. I've  been up an entire week. My intentions reek I don't know what justice I intend to seek I sow now what I'll one day reap now and lay me down to... **** sleep I have too many secrets I must keep. Living my life of repeat actions are louder than mere words proving talk is cheap into the shadows often I retreat to hide from those moments that are bittersweet gone in a heartbeat I cannot admit defeat. Even when I am not able to remain discreet my situation is not so unique.  Especially when I am on straight tweak   incomplete unwilling to trust myself not to misspeak one true deep a broken heap I attempt to render myself obsolete.  A sinner  faithless chased by ghosts that are faceless. In a time that seems fadeless. Traditions that seem ageless valor that is said to be contagious when an ignoramos is made ****** famous by their intentions heinous. Shameless are the brainless that were sent to sustain us unable to cover our bareness with fairness. Nightmarish memories we hope will perish. Spread awareness. The dead stare less and  there is nothing I wish to confess. Other than Im a hot mess with emotions that I cannot seem to express. Under duress I stress more or less here hard to press issues I still need to address. I obsess repossess I congest truth hard to digest under protest. **** with the best and die like all the rest. In these chaotic frabracations,  that are really next level fairy tales demented as hell.  The heroes they have all fell Into worlds that are somehow parallel turning full circles in this **** carasoul. Until I start to feel rather unwell. Right around the time of this epic fail I bid thee a fond fare the well ask no more questions and no lies will I attempt to sell. Dubious interactions can't get no satisfaction riding off in a two wheeled contraption. Without desire withholding passion in true losers fashion. Character's assassin. A week's worth of rations. Hope just for the dashing. Thrashing these drugs here are for stashing. For a party worthy of crashing. Mention it not even in passing. Ever lasting. Broadcasting. Fasting. Reacting. Relaxing everything is so distracting.

Angels do not follow where it is I dare to go, dark is the deadened cold place inside my barren soul. How I got to this low point I don't even know. I jump right down every rabbit hole. These drugs I'm on taking their toil.  Listening to loud rock and roll. Just kinda rocking this bowl.
Because of the trauma I can't let go, I often find myself just as i start losing control. That much colder and more corrupt the older I grow. Emotions pushed down deep so they don't ever show. So **** incomplete don't know how I would ever feel whole.
Here hidden in these shadows of sinister dark, I stab myself with jagged bits of my broken heart.
I am going to do just what I want, I Don't give a ****. Sitting here spitting out the pieces of my broken luck. I am out reaking havoc, I Just run amuck. Joyriding all over this one horse town in a stolen pick up truck. I hit the ground in a manner that's quite abrupt Tearing down these walls I'll soon have to reconstruct. It's just a process that I can not interrupt.. it's another sign that sonn i will self  destruct. In this addict mindset I am struck. Im already out in the open like a sitting duck. Might as well wait a little longer til I become thunderstruck. Even better do exactly as I instruct. It will be a twisted ride, so better buckle up.w
I am the definition of disorderly conduct. Like a valcano my temper sometimes does errupt. I let my hopes just slip from my fingertips, a rose silvered here in the moons eclipse.  I prepare myself for the likelihood of the coming apocalypse. This addiction firmly holds me in it grip. Time for me to take a little trip. I blast off like a ******* rocketship.  I know the pain and suffering this lifestyle inflicts, maybe you'll get out alive if it does permit. The peace of mind I constantly seek it contradicts. The very root of so many of my conflicts. Again and again, out of my chest my heart it rips.  So many things in it's bag of tricks enough to keep you in the mix. Just feast your eyes and let them transfix. If you're going to do something better do it quick. Not that I really think that I am slick but there is a puddle on my pipe that's thicker than a brick. I will smoke it down and you'll never even hear my lighter click. Sick and tired of being tired and sick. Its time for me to flip this script. Showing others the truth this disease never does depict. I am alone in this world of **** trying to force myself into places I just don't fit. as I begin to vanquish demons that reside within. I now know this is a battle I just must win. I writhe around uncomfortable in my own skin. Thankful that mightier than by no swords of sharpene byd steel, is my little fountain pen. I am Tarnished, Silver's evil twin. In full circles I spin and spin. One day perhaps  I'll stop but I don't know when. I hide myself a way in my world of pretend.Go ahead and notify my next of kin. im a washed up has been headed for the ****** bin.
I am lost and confused with a woeful story I couldn't tell. Another basket case burning in their own private hell. Praying I won't fall into these worlds somehow parallel. I turn and turn on this carasoul. Until i start feeling rather unwell.  I tried so **** hard it was an epic fail. It did no good. It was to no avail. Far from this side saving grace I have fell. Skin like that of the living dead just as pale. In my coffin hammer the very last nail. Push me off into the sea help me to set sail. Don't cry for me i bid to you a fond fare-the-well. I just another disturbed character killed off in this demented fairytale.
What have I done. I'm a cause that's so lost. I can't pay the price because I can not afford te cost. I left complete devastation in my very wake. From me this addiction did take and take. My life it did complicate. Compounding every situation I did create. Breathing to life the things I ofen contemplate. I am not the captain of my ship nor was I the mater of my fate. To save me from myself it's now to late. Tripping over things that don't even relate. A perfect **** up perfectly ****** up to this very date. Isn't addiction just ******* great. My soul these demons did ransack. I've done a lot of **** i cannot take back. That's no brag that's just fact. Never knew this would all would cause such  a deep impact. I didn't make it out unscathed integrity intact. I was a dying vessel with a shell so cracked. That it broke all to pieces when I wa attacked. I've moved on now and I'm never ******* coming back. For all purposes now I have faded to black.