To come right out and say that I've never once touched anything my spirit could feel would be an all out lie. I once had the spirit of, I running, from myself and me  after being caught haphazardly  in haberdashery  like I had some audacity. This time my so called intentions lingered on dastardly, so sarcastically I joke my heart beating  so **** sporadically and my mind wandering around erratically all on its own. Most of everyone else's actions I just simply cannot condone.  I just simply cannot get down with that much complete disrespect. The thought of what is happening next has me quite perplexed because I don't know what to expect. But maybe I shouldn't let things that haven't even happened yet get me so upset. The air in the room has been heavily perfumed by the scents of sweat, ***, and sin. It's like here we go once again. Did you know that I've always been so ****
uncomfortable inside of my own skin. I was almost certain those battles I would win. It doesn't matter, I am just a sliver of tarnished silver's evil twin. How long until I break instead of bend? Off to the ****** bin for trying to vanquish these demons with a Bobby pin. I get there and they wouldn't let me in. I'm not  your foe in case you didn't know but for sure I am a fiend, my friend. Sometimes it's too much for me to even comprehend. I'm lost in my world of make believe and pretend time to make amends, pray for forgiveness for all my sins., Amen

  I must say the time I've spent with you could have otherwise been enjoyed.   At the risk of coming off sounding like I'm paranoid. I am an overjoyed unemployed humanoid that thinks just by  walking out of the house while texting on an android that I could somehow be flattened by a random asteroid. Every notion I once had has now been completely destroyed. ******* I tend to irritate so you can call me a hemorrhoid. All this crap would've  just been so **** easy to avoid. Yet here I am defying gravity as I am free just slipping through the **** void. I can't help it I'm annoyed. I feel like with my emotions someone has toyed so now weapons of destruction have already been deployed. I fried my receptors Cannabinoid. This really isn't even me I've been decoyed. My best phrases have already been coined I can't help it I jumped in the bandwagon before I realized what I had joined. From the inside it's easier to disjoint. **** it what's the **** point let's smoke another joint.

All the voices of reason slowly beginning to fade. Naked as Jay Bird I am only covered by nights shade. Being chased by the faceless monsters I got for every hero I decided to trade. Every single day comes those mistakes I just cannot erase nonetheless they were made.
well hell what do you expect me to say, oh well I wasted yet another day,
Another day, these demons of mine I try to hold at bay
although not even myself i do I ever truly obey
All of this crap was not worth the price I did pay

As I find myself starting to slowly fade
this cancer my body it does invade
It can't be eradicated nor can it even be delayed
wonder how long I have before in a shallow grave I am laid

I feel the pain I often wish would subside
eating away at me from inside
my troubling thoughts are hard to hide
It was to no avail but I tried
An epic fail, a loss in the power glide
Take all of it in great stride
Myself I am beside
Waiting for my ride or die my die to ride to help me ride that pride right on through to the other side.

There's been so much going on lately that I'm not sure what I should even be doing maybe looking for something new to my pursuing
Maybe a new sight for viewing
Maybe a new spell for the brewing

Either way it's all good, hell it's all great but to save me from myself it's too **** late
Self medicate
*** half *** on sedate
I'm a **** up still to this very date
Isn't addiction great
Does anyone else relate

My tragic skies are disastrously streaked  strongly those dastardly intentions reek.
They reek to the highest parts of hell. An extremely throwed off character I was  assassinated in the a truly demented fairy's tale. Surrounded by the smoke that is growing rather stale
I chase spirits to no such avail.
I  pretty much just fell into these worlds somehow parallel
due the full circles I kept spinning in on this **** Carousel.  
Dancing with the devil as the tainted moonlight shines in the window pale. All I  could even think to say was WhAT THE HELL?
. All the voices of reason are slowly beginning to fade.
Naked as Jay Bird I am only covered by nights shade. Being chased by the faceless monsters I got for every hero I decided to trade.
Every single day come the  mistakes I cannot erase but nonetheless I still made
way too high was the price that was paid

On the ground far this side of saving grace I hit the ground in manner that was rather abrupt. Innocent I'm not, I am cold and that much more corrupt. Sorry I hate to interrupt. I'm thinking about tearing down the walls It too me so long to construct. I am the definition of disorderly conduct. ****** if I do and of I don't I am already ******. I feel like I am lit up from the inside like soon I just might spontaneously combust. So I  was burning down the beautiful pain like it was just ashes to dust. Even in the end we are still just us. even if  our tempers erupt, one last time I self destruct.

All this time I admit I've been silently stalling
Last week was when I first heard my demons calling
I stopped then as I was listening, I started out to follow the sound
Soon after that the snow really started to coming down
I had gotten lost because to find out I had to **** around  
G  and alone I hiding in the nefarious dark, away from the fallout,
of this, now raging storm
Please God, I need you, to keep me safe and warm
That's when I couldn't help it I just started bawling
I'm desperate God, please from inside my head, can you please stop the snow from falling

Rescue me from ever nightmare
I see demons coming from everywhere
My soul is in a state of disrepair
I am frozen here blind but seemingly I stare
Please dear God, are you still there?
Won't you please answer my urgent prayer
My emotions are just as raw as they are bare
I'm beginning to fall rather unwell  
That when I had slipped and fell into the worlds parallel
I've been a prisoner for so long now in my own private Hepl
I'm just a broken vessel, hollowed out is my fragile shell
I find myself all alone going round and round on the Carousel
I spin rather quickly in these circles I fully turn
To whom ever this might  concern
Light the fire now please just let it burn
My stomach is beginning to churn
Do I never seem to learn
Why is this the time and the place often in which I usually return

I have nothing on me of value except for my soul
I have to  do just what I can because  I refuse to let that go
I have a halo but it's not even made of gold
For sale, my halo is for the price of a fiddle and a song
As I fall from places I tried to force myself to belong      

Now I have no doubt just where I went wrong
I was getting everything wrong, all along
I cannot believe I had been so headstrong
That couldn't tell night had already turned to dawn
I was completely animated like a cartoon I had been drawn
The unsavory bits of me are now since gone

Where am I now destined to roam
out here in the middle of nowhere where I am all alone
Without anyone by my side I guess I am on my own
I've been to pretty places where the flowers have grown
I took in all the sights I have been shown
Then I woke up and I was right back at home.

Thank you lord for showing me the error of my ways
I will do my best not to go too far astray
For the rest of my live long days
I will try a little harder to simply just obey.
I don't even know what else I can say.

I still hear those demons calling as they begin to yell
Trying to rewrite every single fairytale
As I'm forced to dance with the devil  in the moonlight so pale
Is this another version of my own Hell
In the freshly fallen snow I guess I fell
Once again with all my might I had tried to no avail
Oh ******* well
I couldn't help but yell
Just when I had jumped my *** right off that carousel
  


















All this time I admit I've been silently stalling
Last week was when I first heard my demons calling
I stopped then as I was listening, I started out to follow the sound
Soon after that the snow really started to coming down
I had gotten lost because to find out I had to **** around  
G  and alone I hiding in the nefarious dark, away from the fallout,
of this, now raging storm
Please God, I need you, to keep me safe and warm
That's when I couldn't help it I just started bawling
I'm desperate God, please from inside my head, can you please stop the snow from falling

Rescue me from ever nightmare
I see demons coming from everywhere
My soul is in a state of disrepair
I am frozen here blind but seemingly I stare
Please dear God, are you still there?
Won't you please answer my urgent prayer
My emotions are just as raw as they are bare
I'm beginning to fall rather unwell  
That when I had slipped and fell into the worlds parallel
I've been a prisoner for so long now in my own private Hepl
I'm just a broken vessel, hollowed out is my fragile shell
I find myself all alone going round and round on the Carousel
I spin rather quickly in these circles I fully turn
To whom ever this might  concern
Light the fire now please just let it burn
My stomach is beginning to churn
Do I never seem to learn
Why is this the time and the place often in which I usually return

I have nothing on me of value except for my soul
I have to  do just what I can because  I refuse to let that go
I have a halo but it's not even made of gold
For sale, my halo is for the price of a fiddle and a song
As I fall from places I tried to force myself to belong      

Now I have no doubt just where I went wrong
I was getting everything wrong, all along
I cannot believe I had been so headstrong
That couldn't tell night had already turned to dawn
I was completely animated like a cartoon I had been drawn
The unsavory bits of me are now since gone

Where am I now destined to roam
out here in the middle of nowhere where I am all alone
Without anyone by my side I guess I am on my own
I've been to pretty places where the flowers have grown
I took in all the sights I have been shown
Then I woke up and I was right back at home.

Thank you lord for showing me the error of my ways
I will do my best not to go too far astray
For the rest of my live long days
I will try a little harder to simply just obey.
I don't even know what else I can say.

I still hear those demons calling as they begin to yell
Trying to rewrite every single fairytale
As I'm forced to dance with the devil  in the moonlight so pale
Is this another version of my own Hell
In the freshly fallen snow I guess I fell
Once again with all my might I had tried to no avail
Oh ******* well
I couldn't help but yell
Just when I had jumped my *** right off that carousel

Oh the very heart of me is breaking
this disaster was mine to be responsible for making
Most people don't notice that I am shaking
due to all the drugs I am currently taking.
I can't help it, I self medicate
wishing I could almost put myself straight on sedate.
I end up inebriated
trying to get my *** faded
I am half way intoxicated.
Seeing through eyes that are jaded.
There are few in whom I would care to confide my thoughts about premeditated homicide.
I carry myself with all the pride
I carry all this pain deep inside
I am someone's die or ride.
I failed but I really tried.
Wiping at the tears I have cried.
Part of me has died
that part is never coming back
the shadows just as still as they are black.
I've got sunshine in a sack
no I am not talking about crack.
I didn't think that I had to still live like that
Falling a full blown panic attack
Chaos and calamity I can't help but attract
A soul can not run on a backwards track
Clickety ******* clack clackety ******* click
No one understands just what really makes me tick.
In my head my thoughts are sick.
Someone help me please help me quick.
I will burn your house down with a candle stick so you won't hear my lighter click.
Now something wicked this way is about to come
I urge the demons to get them some.
Fee fie foe fom
go to fom foe fie fee
Hoping the giant of this beanstalk don't see me.
The pain has left  me feeling completely numb
I try hard to push my way passed it all, my only rule of thumb,
The bigger they are the harder they fall
crimson Stains on the tile floor of a bathroom stall
some forgotten and ungodly hall.
I started this little trip with a eight ball
I hate all this ******* lies and all
I may look as if I am standing tall
back flat up against the wall
I don't know who the hell I could even call.
No one will catch me if I fall
I know that for certain
As my fat *** sits here hurting
close the blinds and those curtains
so no one outside can see into my room
that is filled with so much gloom.
It's starting to feel like it is my tomb
the feeling of doom
***** the air right out of the room.
I think I am starting to suffocate
I can't be lead to believe that is my fate.
I will never get this **** straight
It isn't feeling so ****** great.
Wonder if anyone else out there can even kind of relate.
We all seem to be filled with hate for each other instead maybe we should love one another.
For in God's eyes everyone is my sister or my brother.
Ease up some you are almost beginning to end up letting me start to feel like I m going to smother.
I sometimes don't have faith that from this tragedy I'll someday recover.
I really stopped being a fighter I am more of a lover
underneath the sheets I am covered.
In the sky if I could I would probably just hover. Watching everyone and everything in my sight
I am so far left they call me can't get right.
**** seizing the day I would rather rule the night my flames, in my hell's burning bright.
I think I lost my will to even fight.
I can't help wondering if I will really be alright
or if I will waste away waiting for the  arrival of my white knight

Left in my very wake
My soul you simply cannot take
I left everything on complete devastate
It's up to me to get the story out there So I create
a conversation that sparks a huge debate
Everything I touch I complicate.

As for me and these **** demons I usually tend,
I now must simply contend
Thirsting the nefarious ones of my misfortune they drink
Paired with the unpredictable demons I wait to go extinct
Teetering on a psychotic episode I Totter on the very brink
I know that everything could very well go up in a puff of smoke, in just a blink.
I can't concentrate. I don't even know what to think.

No one would have ever believed
Just how much peace into the atmosphere had  been breathed
Some of this stress has automatically been released
Hanging above me and my demons now unleashed
Are tragic skies that have been Disastrouslun streaked
My vicious inner beast
is so disembodied now its in a deep sleep
Just Like me the monsters I conjure are quite unique
Coughing choking I sound like I am dying but I am enjoying the relief
Please pass that sweet leaf

From these moments and memories that at best
bittersweet
i find myself just running away atte to retreat
I don't know what it really is that I actively seek
My very intentions are just now starting to reek
I open my mouth and accidently double speak
I cannot help the fact that I feel so incomplete
I refuse to accept defeat
Now I lay me down to do anything but sleep
I think in my addiction I am in way to deep\
Now all I can think to do is to render myself obsolete
I stand here just kind of chilling in disbelief
overcome I am with all this **** grief
That I am in fact a sick sad mess underneath
I sure could use just a. Little more of that sweet leaf if you have any to spare
So ****** up not looking at anything but seemingly I stare
My emotions are just as raw as they are bare
Is anyone that's here right now even really even there.
Don't tell me it really doesn't matter because I don't care.
I do just whatever I dare
For something to go as I had planned is very rare
For what's coming next how could I ever prepare.
Father I've come to you in prayer
Please won't you confirm that you up there.

Beside still waters, He calms his soul. Smoking a cigarette as he loads a bowl, into nowhere he stares hitting the ****. Unsuccessfully pretending nothing is really wrong. All his life he was told that pain isn't real, but then why does he feel the way that he feels. Forced to fight his foster brother just for a place to sleep, a soul full of secrets he doesn't want to keep. His mother was an angel, his father was a fiend, it wasn't this way before the state intervened. He was moved around so much he couldn't take roots, shuffled around by the welfares boots. The injustice he's suffered, oh how he was wronged, ripped away from the only place he felt he belonged. He's not only alone, he just no longer has the energy to care. When he needed someone, there was no one that was ever there. Forgotten, forsaken and fed fool's lies, he can't see that the truth is in front of his eyes. The injustice bubbling inside his soul, giving way to pent up aggression that has no where it can go.So instead it did grow and grow.  Blind hate controlling all he is and all he ever hoped to be, if he doesn't escape it, he may never be free. Sent to live in places that hold no love, and little hope, as young as he was then he turned to pain dulling dope.  His solace resting in a huge of ******* smoke. He walks in the room pretending to have nerves of steel, faced with his demons, unsure what was even real. He knew if he ever wanted to truly be free he would  have to fight. He mumbled no words, just bowed his head, his heart full of hatred, his soul full of dread. He felt like more than he was alive he was actually  dead. Before his opponent he bowed in respect as if he was hurting the very ones he had vowed to protect. All the rage he had, he could now not control, in anger he swung striking the first blow. With every strike little bit of himself he'd  let go. His opponent fell to the floor saying he didn't want anymore.  He feel to his knees tears steamed down his face, he was like a child that fell from grace. No matter how long all those bad feeling had lasted, he finally was able to just get passed it. Compared to the way he felt before he now felt fantastic. It's always a miracle to be able to overcome something so **** traumatic.

I have cried tears I would let no one see, I guess above all I'd say I am happy to just be me. I don't know others describe me for the most part do not care, as long as I have at least one person who is really there. You can't put things into prospective without paying the toll, I'm running on empty even though I've got no where to go. I'm bombarded by voices and images that weren't meant to last. It's a hell of a thing to be haunted by the past. Even though I've lived and learned and loved and lost, to sit out the pain would been quite a cost. For I've laughed till I've cried with those I call my own, and it is true where you hang your heart is home. I feel confident that I am doing quite well, not trying to listen to the stories others tell, about finding that fabled happiness some believe is just lore, and I am astonished that I still remember exactly what I am fighting for. Like everyone else I sometimes feel sad and blue, at the end of my rope uncertain as to what I can do. You can talk **** but I don't give a **** because I refuse to just sit here spitting out pieces of broken luck. Life is what you make it and although mines not all I hoped it would be, there no one that can change it none but me. I am the captain of my soul the master of my fate. Can you still save me or is too late. Corrupted by age innocent I am not but I can't be forsaken and **** sure not forgot. I make an impression that lasts awhile, no matter what I force myself to smile. I've been though a lot more than I thought I could take, turns out the more you endure the harder you are to break.
I am anything but fake real mistakes that I cannot erase everyday I make. My own problems
I now knowingly create. That is the difference between the way I used to be way back when and how I am today. At. This exact moment in time. Always traveling outside the parameters of my own mind seeking out what I doubt I'll ever find. This world has a lot of out of way places, mostly unkind. A character once assassinated is much harder to define. What is next in destiny's design? Im a perfect **** up who is getting ****** up perfectly. That is a certainty. Nowadays it feels like it's been an Eternity. Eternally I hold everything inside til I implode Internally. It's an uncomfortable uncertainty. That Inadvertently builds such a sense of urgency it really becomes a state of emergency.

When it all gets to be too much I look at my daughters' faces, they alone are the reasons I'm not just another angel who's fallen from grace. They usually trip the monsters that give me chase. Even though they quickly catch up like I've been just running in place. Nowadays I am a erratic basket case, especially when these tears i taste. Like a cadet it's then i blast off into outer space. What a ******* waste. I've become a person who is misplaced.
Nothing more than a **** disgrace. Who cannot seem to keep up the pace in this so-called rat race.
I give the Lord every bit of the praise my heart still aches as on me these dark thoughts still heavily weigh. If you ask me there is a fine line between being stupid and being brave. I know every sin of mine God has forgave. Death's bouquets still cover the stench of anything that is half decayed. Once enslaved by same old **** replayed on another day. **** I have already set it all ablaze so like ashes left in a fireplace I let it all burn the flames never cease to amaze you'd be surprised by all the people that come at me sideways. Sometimes before the come and throw me in my grave I wonder if I will break these chains and learn that instead of being good at it, it's probably so much easier to just behave.

One Mississippi
two Mississippi
three missahippie.
My sweet mama I miss a hippie though she's is completely ******* trippy.
Still the life of the party at a little past sixty.
Tonight I wished her *** was here right here with me.
I couldn't put it more simply. I hate feeling **** so **** intensely.
Incomprehensibly stupid are the people that surround.
I don't think you want to find out what's next do better don't **** around. White moise in my head the static is a deafening sound.
I chase it with clouds of smoke to ties that bind by blood I am bound deep dark thoughts so **** profound
Just merely everything i hold so dearly
I mean come the **** on now really this **** is being to get silly insincerely punished severely.
My pain is now mixed with little bits of my tranquility.
Still I'm feeling rather ****** sometimes im so glad time moves so  swiftly
whatever it is I've got coming just gimme and let me trudge on Weary. Oh my sweet sweet mama was caught up in some ******* drama and is now in county jail a possible thousand dollar bail. Into I seemingly stare.
Is anyone here right now even really there.
It doesn't matter I don't really care.
Back in my day I was the very one, from me you'd die if you had tried to run.
I am not top flight security I will not drop the **** gun. It seems like most of my life I have already been spinning with the exact actions needed when you are conspiring to be spun
against all I stood for into the  calamity automatically sprung. Words were used as ammunition while unbroken remained all of my bones the sticks and the stones really stung. The battle may be over but the war that was freshly was just waged with each sides demonic factors had been chained up and caged this war
Had just begun meanwhile back at the standpoint it was sorry Charlie you're ******* clazy
bloodshed and bodies litter the battlefield
but not even that could have ever phased me
the insane ways others often think intrigues me clearly it

The feel right now is completely irrelevant but in this room I would like to address the elephant hallucination
probably about 100 percent.
**** really even barely makes sense. Lately things have made me feel so tense
what comes next don't keep in suspense.
Head's feeling a little too dense.
I swear I only fought back on self defense
that black eye I didn't give you was no coincidence
I am claiming that ignorance is bliss the key is on that stupid **** don't place so much significance. Different places different friends different things I now intend
lower and lower it seems that I am beginning to descend with this addiction I must contend. If you asking me what I am about to do well that will depend if you and I turning in full circles like it's a new trend. I am not your foe but I am in fact a fiend my friend.
Is this some kind of superstition or is this simply a tradition.
This is just another example of the human condition
how long will it be before I break instead of just Bend.
Into the crowd I am desperately attempting to blend.
I'm sorry I really don't mean to offend
it looks like we have hit yet another dead end.
I repeat the complete insanity over and over again.
I'm just a hollowed out vessel harboring these secrets I am forced to keep.
Incomplete
I am trying to be discreet but I am seeing **** due to the lack of sleep
I am a little lost I'm  feeling rather weak I have one hell of a vindictive streak
well this is me  it is who I am  along with demons playing hide and seek now I lay me down my soul I pray to God to keep  
actions speak louder than words because talk is cheap
one day just what I have sewn I'll reap.
Through my old neighborhood slowly I creep. I
slow my roll as I roll down my old street
sporadic in my chest my heart does beat.
I think what I'm looking for is probability right out of my reach
I am unable to just accept defeat. My life is stuck on ****** repeat. Sometimes I consider being out there running with the elite.
Then into the shadows I often retreat fleeing from those moments that are at best bittersweet.
Memories that I cannot delete still my story is in set in concrete it can be anything my broken mind can conceive.
I know the  goals  I've set soon I will achieve that would actually come as a relief
I am staring at the newest version of me in total disbelief right now I don't have time to deal with this grief.  Just who the **** are you attempting to deceive.
I have nothing else up my sleeve addiction is a hell of a disease
can't someone just come and help me please the day is discouraging I prefer to just seize the night..
I know I am so **** far left I just cannot get myself right.
I try with all of my might to make sense of this gifted kind of insight. Flames in my hell don't quite burn as bright.
The voices in my head now have all gone quite
I won't grow old graceful every step of the way I have every intention to fight it.
I smoke I chief on these little green trees I pray for that sweet leaf. Offering me a little bit of a release. How could I forgotten the way my heart rate seems to increase when I start to live dangerously.
Excuse the hell out of me people they only see just what they really want to see.
I stand alone among the debris.
I just have to  live free
to me please don't pay any attention to my contributed delinquency
you have any clue on who it is I am really  supposed to be.
I give in I surender the control I have thought about relinquishing.
I myself am diminishing this project I'm nowhere near finishing
I am supposed to love myself unconditionally
but just not the case when     disbelievingly  in prayer I drop down on bent knee.
I feel like I need so one that's able to represent me.
Maybe I need someone to just reinvent me
I do all kinds of this experimentally
I try to use my resources sparingly yet I move the **** on daringly. though these dark skies I navigate wearily.
This is the story of my life apparently before I lose all my strength despairing
it probably looks like I move all so uncaring increasingly there seems to be a minor discrepancy
. It's the very definition of me trying to emerge with integrity
whole often I find myself just spinning off right out of control colder and more corrupt the older I grow
there's a hole that isn't fillable
in my dark desolate soul
that is what most people simply do not know all the secrets from all of these last years that I have been told makes me want to be like laundry just so I can fold asked no questions so lies have been sold.

They say that if you  don't ever slow down you'll never grow old
. I barely found it inside of myself to be able to hitch hike down this familiar dirt road
teeter I totter on the very brink of a psychotic episode
just give me a second let me go ahead and lock and load
  to have and to hold though the very gates of hell I have **** sure rode.
I am half *** ready to go on and explode you're **** straight if you think that I am throwed.
I slipped right back into beast mode. These big *** cracks in my moral code bodies they will easily hold when the devil made me he **** sure broke the mold I am only taking just what I think that I'm owed wish the progression could be slowed  I'm impossible to be consoled this particular street is often  heavily patrolled there have been very few times my emotions have accidentally shown.. cherished you are in the eyes of the one you actually behold. I think I am a little too exposed quite a bit I'm indisposed this isn't how I supposed this would go.  Being pulled so far down below me and the devil go blow for blow. I go where no one else can follow I wallow in my sorrow I knew that time here was only ours to barrow I am counting on there being a tomorrow Broken it's me laying here hap hazardly for a place just I wait disastrously the truth is even when Im good with all the chaos and calamity I still a walking talking catastrophe. I the job I have done unsatisfactory. Distractedly dastardly reactively to some things I feel so compassionately that to myself I think absently that you are a liability that is just part of the reality. I had a bad bad break in my mentality abnormalities help me with all these legalities that get me off on technicalities. Effectively questionable exceptionally a deception I see. I gather up my **** separately  selectively I trod on defectively I'm unable to see the situation objectively why does there seem to be so much negativity I don't want to suffer through the indignity I need a new identity can't stand the intensity cannot not hold up under the pressure yet I continue on relentlessly I suffer through the Indecently that had gotten worse as in recently halt fire increasingly. It is so hard to get through to me freezing cold I am ******* empty images the fade fleetingly I find I am indeed discontent repeatably the future I can not see fearing Indecently interfering the demons are staring at me indecent in their inhumanity somewhere between this rewritten work of fiction and a fantasy, it's something that for me is hard to fathom understandably underhandedly explicit in the lines of demented profanity. Up to my eyes I'm in elbow grease and ingenuity.  This is so unusually new to me nothing is really left
The feel right now is completely irrelevant but in this room I would like to address the elephant hallucination probably about 100 percent. **** really even barely makes sense. Lately things have made me feel so tense what comes next don't keep in suspense. Head's feeling a little too dense. I swear I only fought back on self defense that black eye I didn't give you was no coincidence I am claiming that ignorance is bliss the key is on that stupid **** don't place so much significance. Different places different friends different things I now intend lower and lower it seems that I am beginning to descend with this addiction I must contend. If you asking me what I am about to do well that will depend if you and I turning in full circles like it's a new trend. I am not your foe but I am in fact a fiend my friend. Is this some kind of superstition or is this simply a tradition. This is just another example of the human condition how long will it be before I break instead of just Bend. Into the crowd I am desperately attempting to blend. I'm sorry I really don't mean to offend it looks like we have hit yet another dead end. I repeat the complete insanity over and over again. I'm just a hollowed out vessel harboring these secrets I am forced to keep. Incomplete I am trying to be discreet but I am seeing **** due to the lack of sleep I am a little lost I'm  feeling rather weak I have one hell of a vindictive streak well this is me  it is who I am  along with demons playing hide and seek now I lay me down my soul I pray to God to keep  actions speak louder than words because talk is cheap one day just what I have sewn I'll reap. Through my old neighborhood slowly I creep. I slow my roll as I roll down my old street sporadic in my chest my heart does beat. I think what I'm looking for is probability right out of my reach I am unable to just accept defeat. My life is stuck on ****** repeat. Sometimes I consider being out there running with the elite. Then into the shadows I often retreat fleeing from those moments that are at best bittersweet. Memories that I cannot delete still my story is in set in concrete it can be anything my broken mind can conceive. I know the  goals  I've set soon I will achieve that would actually come as a relief I am staring at the newest version of me in total disbelief right now I don't have time to deal with this grief.  Just who the **** are you attempting to deceive I have nothing else up my sleeve addiction is a hell of a disease can't someone just come and help me please the day is discouraging I prefer to just seize the night. I know I am so **** far left I just cannot get myself right. I try with all of my might to make sense of this gifted kind of insight. Flames in my hell don't quite burn as bright. The voices in my head now have all gone quite I won't grow old graceful every step of the way I have every intention to fight it. I smoke I chief on these little green trees I pray for that sweet leaf. Offering me a little bit of a release. How could I forgotten the way my heart rate seems to increase when I start to live dangerously. Excuse the hell out of me people they only see just what they really want to see. I stand alone among the debris. I just have to  live free to me please don't pay any attention to my contributed delinquency you have any clue on who it is I am really  supposed to be. I give in I surender the control I have thought about relinquishing. I myself am diminishing this project I'm nowhere near finishing I am supposed to love myself unconditionally but just not the case when     disbelievingly  in prayer I drop down on bent knee. I feel like I need so one that's able to represent me. Maybe I need someone to just reinvent me I do all kinds of this experimentally I try to use my resources sparingly yet I move the **** on daringly. though these dark skies I navigate wearily. This is the story of my life apparently before I lose all my strength despairingly it probably looks like I move all so uncaring increasingly there seems to be a minor discrepancy. It's the very definition of me trying to emerge with integrity whole often I find myself just spinning off right out of control colder and more corrupt the older I grow there's a hole that isn't fillable in my dark desolate soul that is what most people simply do not know all the secrets from all of these last years that I have been told makes me want to be like laundry just so I can fold asked no questions so lies have been sold. They say that if you  don't ever slow down you'll never grow old. I barely found it inside of myself to be able to hitch hike down this familiar dirt road teeter I totter on the very brink of a psychotic episode just give me a second let me go ahead and lock and load  to have and to hold though the very gates of hell I have **** sure rode. I am half *** ready to go on and explode you're **** straight if you think that I am throwed. I slipped right back into beast mode. These big *** cracks in my moral code bodies they will easily hold when the devil made me he **** sure broke the mold I am only taking just what I think that I'm owed wish the progression could be slowed  I'm impossible to be consoled this particular street is often  heavily patrolled there have been very few times my emotions have accidentally shown.. cherished you are in the eyes of the one you actually behold. I think I am a little too exposed quite a bit I'm indisposed this isn't how I supposed this would go.  Being pulled so far down below me and the devil go blow for blow. I go where no one else can follow I wallow in my sorrow I knew that time here was only ours to barrow I am counting on there being a tomorrow Broken it's me laying here hap haphazardly for a place just I wait disastrously the truth is even when Im good with all the chaos and calamity I still a walking talking catastrophe. I the job I have done unsatisfactory. Distractedly dastardly reactively to some things I feel so compassionately that to myself I think absently that you are a liability that is just part of the reality. I had a bad bad break in my mentality abnormalities help me with all these legalities that get me off on technicalities. Effectively questionable exceptionally a deception I see. I gather up my **** separately  selectively I trod on defectively I'm unable to see the situation objectively why does there seem to be so much negativity I don't want to suffer through the indignity I need a new identity can't stand the intensity cannot not hold up under the pressure yet I continue on relentlessly I suffer through the Indecently that had gotten worse as in recently halt fire increasingly. It is so hard to get through to me freezing cold I am ******* empty images the fade fleetingly I find I am indeed discontent repeatably the future I can not see fearing Indecently interfering the demons are staring at me indecent in their inhumanity somewhere between this rewritten work of fiction and a fantasy, it's something that for me is hard to fathom understandably underhandedly explicit in the lines of demented profanity. Up to my eyes I'm in elbow grease and ingenuity.  This is so unusually new to me nothing is really left just air and opportunity sing a song out of tune off melody commit a ******* felony I admit I watch the entire scene play out only seldomly. Drastically I evacuate the building almost magically. Unfortunately I am person that is uncontrollably disturbed emotionally  unknowingly causing a
Commotion imperfectly commit a travesty another ******* tragedy violently over there balcony silently there is now a casualty. It was casually created so callously principles before personalities. I will do just what I **** well please I swallow down quite a few of those and some of these easily. I get myself ****** up pleasing to me a waste of space A space that has gone into waste now it is time to make haste because I am significantly placed  for the faceless ghosts to give chase constantly I fall far from this side of saving grace  I keep trying to save face but it's hard to keep up this quicken pace when with the memories the pain now seems to interlaced. Back to me there is nothing that can be traced steps I have placed this Just in if there is no **** evidence  there. Is no **** case

It doesn't seem like this **** should even really matter, increasingly disturbing thoughts that lately I have begun to gather. Way down deep inside I shove these feelings and emotions I refuse to let show. If I could just give it to God perhaps I might be able to let some of it go. My body has already been  by this cancer  invaded. Its progression can't be delayed or eradicated. Quite unsure what to even think I spend every moment I am awake trying to get faded. I try to forget that probably sooner than  later I'll start. Fading right to black the dark thoughts that no matter how I wish I can't just take back. Unfortunately this is no fabrication this is straight fact. Maybe years from now they'll dig me up like an artifact. Who the **** know maybe I will make it out scathed integrity still mostly intact. It's not for myself that I even really hold concern For in death I have no more lessons to learn. It's about all the loved ones that I'll be leaving behind. In so many places that are usually most unkind the things that get twisted up and rattle around inside my head leave me more than just a little perplexed. I think the hardest part in not knowing what do expect. I wish I knew someone that could tell me what is coming next. Will my loved one be those that will pine as I burn and perish will the memories they have of me be among the moments that they cherish. It's all still somewhat nightmarish. This body's merely a vessel. I have no doubt to glory my spirit will surely fly. Imanage going up, up do much higher and faster than dare I. No need for anymore alibis  no more lullabies. Just this darkness as they close my eyes. No questions no more lies. Not another misconception. This is my last masquerade costume I adorn to play the final charade. I would go completely naked if I knew I would be covered by the nights shade. For ghosts that for years now have been faceless most of my cherished heroes have been hasitaly traded I know for a while now I have been watching the world with eyes pretty **** jaded. More than it actually is it sounds so complicated. I can not help the things that I have contemplated. On my heart it has been heavily weighed how to tell those I behold goodbye. That's going to be the hardest on me myself I am beside. I pray I said.y peace as u accept this possible fate perhaps for the solace and salvation I'm already too **** late how do I know that heaven and hell are really even real will it be there that my forever wounds will finally heal my emotions I will continue to conceal everything is beginning to look kind of surreal on bent knees in prayer I kneel no more full circles will I turn. In the spreading flames I'll no longer burn. I had often wondered when the time I borrowed would adjourn.  Answers the questions I ponder is something for which I desperately yearn. When completely I am gone will my spirit walk and linger on though this purgetory of broken fairytales or will the devil himself come drag ble straight to hell. It's now I quite badly wish for those worlds that were somehow parallel I am for sure of at least one thing I'm getting off this **** carasoul if not this entire Merry go round. I am  like a stero wired for ******* sound. Head in the clouds I drag my feet along the ground never am I coming down maybe myself
I will find out if I just **** around. maybe in what I seek what I need will actually be found.  Deeper down that ever before the dark thoughts I am compelled to hide most of all I look forward to possibly kicking it with my cousin that's on the other side. that alone stays my hand from suicide. It's those kinds of thoughts in which I have no left I can confide. Since once again I am at a loss that has turned into another epic fail though I tried to no avail. In the wind I can almost hear the banshees wail. Falling in reverse from the sky in a spinning of the tail. Dance with the devil in the tainted moon light that was rather pale. Surrounded by all the smoke that has quickly grown long since stale white noise I hear the static in my head it's driving me sane for that is when I get the craziest.  This purple the fogs quite hazy. Sort of like the twilight zone to each their own me and Rod sterling walk side by side wandering lost.  While these spirits give me chase. Inside these outer limits of this Peyton place where I am constantly attempting to save face as I continuously fall from this side of my saving grace. Like the smoke and fog I should disappear without another trace no **** evidence no **** case. go on you do as you dare eventually I will have to get going it doesn't matter going where remaining my biggest question is anyone that's here right now really even all there. Forget the **** dog of the owner beware doing my damnest not to start sinking into my utter despair on me war the creatures I conjured declare my nerves are raw and completely bare for this journey I cannot prepare times now running short so I this world of nothing but opportunity and plenty air I choose to hit the **** **** while into this nothing i stare. I cross my heart on my soul I swear I appreciate every single prayer. Do not cry for me when I am gone do not morn for me today. Just like s gently flickering flame that's burning out slow Rocking my last bowl the insufferable pain burns deeper this hole in my already dark barren soul. I am colder and corrupt the older I grow. Do tell what else does anyone else need to know.