They wait where there's an absence of light. where all is pitch black. they are just waiting for the chance to jump out in a surprise attack!

These older versions of me feel as if they are lifetimes, old. just corrupt and I am cold!

This fire,  it rages on as it burns inside my soul,  leaving a huge void, I can't fill, a giant hole!

Barely I escape, the clutches of some extremely evil entity. that wants to drag me to hell for all eternity. That certainly doesn't sound like it would be a very enjoyable journey to me!

I am currently seeking solace, but most of all I search for the salvation. that, for I desperately need. I'm also pursuing some motto-vation I need to smoke some ****!

Go ahead like my sincere warning has no merit like this **** demon how dare it.

I am but a walking talking disaster, a catastrophe. Living with chaos and calamity. In no small capacity. I **** **** up randomly. Just like the rest of my family. I ever so frantically question my sanity. This is pure agony. Is it possible that distorted is my sense of reality? caused by a bad break in my mentality. Callously I causally throw mother ******* from a balcony. Creating a casualty, would it be such a travesty to say it was a tragedy? Where is the humanity?

Why is life so **** unjust. Here's to hoping that No one dares to interrupt while I self destruct.

Looking in the mirror with such disgust, it's been from ashes to dust like there is not one left that I can trust. Why the hell is this life so I unjust?

There are few in which that I can confide my all too frequent thoughts of suicide. I'm outside inside, waiting for the pain to subside. Deep within these monsters reside. So if I must I'll swallow the Cyanide. The ties that bind are now somehow untied. Those that do not stand united will fall as they divide.  I hope you're satisfied with the things I decide. myself I am completely beside.

Clack clickety clickety clack this train. Is picking up speed as it goes down the track moving forward  because It cannot run back  smoke steadily rolling out it's stack

It was seen as it was driven by a demon idol at its  wheel feeding coal into the  burning ember of it's life it's fire like one's unbridled passion burning hot with pure desire.

Never before and not once more have I ever seen a sight as such as I have thought I had once seen.
I cannot tell you truly if what I thought I viewed was real, Imagined or something that I dreamed

Off into the quiet night this band of demons and devils have teamed breaking the very silence as they screamed

Glowing red eyes Alligator skin with sharp yellow teeth just rotten enough to sink right into your grief Yet it convinced in fear contrary to such popular belief

Barely escaping the clutches of this extremely evil entity that has been chasing me trying to drag me though hell for all eternity.

I don't know about you, but doesn't sound like an enjoyable journey to me only the blood of the lamb has the power to keep these demons off me.

Leave it to me and it would be no abnormality for me to volienttly throw them from a balcony. Casually yet so callously creating a causality now would that really be such a travesty.

Nefoius growls come from out of the blue are they real or imagined perhaps all of it is in your head or maybe right under your bed
You might actually be so much better off if you were already more than half dead.

Before this demon insatiable hungers for your very core as it swallow your soul whole and so very much more

Pulling you though the darkness that is entirely so sinister black that there's no chance you are ever coming back

AS evil attempts to smother me in it's embrace, just as I slip right out of it's grasp the pain and the sorrow Im feel I don't show I mask  Hiding myself in then sinister dark that has since became a part of my very heart. I am but a vessel that's been broken I am just an empty hull all these twisted thoughts rattle around loudly inside of my skull. I have gone to a pretty place now where then flowers grow. looking for a graveyard in which I can bury my cold dark dead soul, Out of all the horrors I have ever imagined, the worst one is at least to me it seems salvation maybe absent
Does that mean that I am stuck here in this God forsaken place constantly falling so far from this side of my saving grace. I am just as cold as I am empty inside It's almost like a vital part of me has already died. Am I to be crushed underneath this weight of this pending doom or will I find a way to escape from this hell on earth soon. I am a sinner but I am not faithless yet I am still chased by these ghosts that are faceless. demons seem to be lurking in the shadows that are just as still as they are black
waiting for just the right moment to jump out and attack
Instead of trying to save me from these demons maybe someone could possibly save myself from me or at least end my suffering, stopping my pain and my misery.
I say what I mean just I mean what I say not that it matters no one listens to me anyway
I am always standing here screaming into the wind to no avail so into these worlds that are somehow parallel I tripped and fell now Im am blindly strolling in places I have never before been Hoping that somewhere maybe some good sameriatain will take me in. I have always been one to force myself to fit in places where I knew that I didn't belong At this very crossroad I have been standing for so **** long. For these restless and sleepless nights I feel I have already paid the price even with the cost so steep forever harboring all these **** secrets that I am forced to keep
i have better things to do than to sit here contemplating my own demise It's sad when my own reflection in the mirror is not one that I reconize  
I am but a lost soul that wandering about aimlessly looking for something that I seriously doubt I will ever find as I continue my journey outside the parameters of my own **** mind, I am damaged I am broken I am incomplete I am always trying my best to render this monster in me obsolete bombarded by the faces and images that seems like they just were not meant to last Time has a Way of passing by me ever so fast. Until time for me to disappear I will be sitting here blowing clouds so thick as strong I tend to smoke
pretending that I can see this life as anything more than a sick and twisted joke.
with every single breath that I take I am possibly an little bit closer to my death wonder just how many breaths that I have left.
not that it matters much for once I am dead and gone as in from this earth I did perish maybe I will finally awake from this horrible dream that is so nightmarish.

Now I lay me down to **** sleep I can sleep when I am dead should've turned the dope back into Sudafed for I may not be your foe but my friend I am fiend  I don't really know if I can be redeemed  the air has been perfumed with the sent of *** and sweat and the lingering dread over things that have not actually happened yet. I find very little comfort in rocking this **** bowl especially while spiraling so fast completely out of control. I am spitting out the pieces of my broken luck but dont get **** twisted because still in do not give a flying ****. it is what it is and it is  not what its not I hope all the dismal and dark times can somehow be forgot.  now in then tainted moonlight that shines brightly in these windows clear is anyone that is suppose to be there right now even really here. so I will climb high to get myself higher just as I have always done and will continue to do in the days to come. taking every hit straight to my head that gets so loud  hiding myself  away from the light of day in a shadow in a cloud. I am the very monster that is difficult to conquer because I am the one onen the beast accidently did conjure, So in this final episode the last crusade I pray the Lord keeps my soul before my enemies lay me in my shallow grave

So it seems that the very things that seem to make me tick are like the secrets that keep me sick. The breeze is blowing but the tide is coming in quick. You think I give a **** if you heard my lighter click. I am a perfect **** up I am ****** up perfection What can I say in the mirror I do not recognize my own reflection. Then again upon further inspection I can almost spot the deception. Why oh why did I take my day to day for granted. I feel as if there is something shady going on that's down right underhanded here in this far a way land where I am now stranded a land that they say is enchanted.
These age old habits have pretty much grown to be quite automatic I am very much still active and very much still an addict and now I just have to have it. Heart full of snow head filled with static not to be so **** dramatic but everyday life has become so problematic is it not truly tragic. This God ****** so called drug abuse has me using any and every excuse it's just like a crutch I use while waiting for these demons to turn me loose. Why am I still pursuing something that I doubt that I ever find I know that I am a little bit outside my rabbit *** mind searching for my very grand design spitting out pieces of this broken luck of mine Just don't go and get **** all twisted up because I'm telling you that I still do not give a flying ****. We don't have that kind of luxe so out here in the lightning storm like a sitting duck attempting to get thunderstruck, that is until it's time to once again. Self destruct. Twinkle twinkle little stars so far a way that I wish I might I wish I may one day actually change my ways and end up with much brighter days I see the clearest when it is the darkest part of night I'm so far left that I will never get right. I don't see with my eyes I've been gifted with a different kind of sight. Hell no what would ever make you think that I'm ok I climb high to get myself higher than the trees that back and fourth sway so I don't have to hold these demons at bay I am **** sure not the person you seem to think I protray
The pain I feel inside I do hide I masked it like somehow I had gotten passed it. Perhaps I am a little overenthusiastic over this tale I'm trying to tell that is sounding rather fantastic. No brag no fact just fabricated fiction meant to entertain I find it difficult to try to explain just how I actually maintain. Every word I wrote is explicit and profane. I just do not feel right unless I am doing something wrong like staying up all night long staring off into nothing as I hit the **** blowing out thick clouds because I tend to smoke strong Instead of feeling alive I feel like I am pretty much dead. Decency I haven't a single shred. There's already been way too much blood shed did you happen to see in the distance eyes glowing blood red? When I storm like I am about to pour down rain can you see my eyes get cloudy the music and the beat rattles around in my skull quite loudly sometimes I can't help it I have to get rowdy but still I stand my ground proudly go ahead I have no a single doubt that if you keep ******* around you will find out that I am no where close to being a girl scout I just cannot seem to go that route I am a walking talking catastrophe a natural disaster and I keep on flying faster and faster while I go crazy the night sky echoing with laughter running from the things I once was after. Ask me no more questions and no lies will I sell these stories of different worlds that are somehow parallel tales to tell of nightmares and fairy tales right as I jump my *** off of this **** carousel now I bid the a fond fare the well as right back into my yesterday I fell. Crushed underneath the weight of the pending doom that keeps any ray of light from cutting though the gloom tainted light shining in the window brightly from the neon moon I'm all animated you know drawn out like a cartoon so don't assume that the toxic fumes aren't as colorful as a peacock's plume I challenge you to a duele at high noon. I am going to find a way out of here soon. These diseased minds really did some substantial damage and now I feel as if I am at some sort of disadvantage so like a sleeping savage I have no choice but to rise up and start reeking havoc ripping the space and time continuum just like fabric. I have gone way up into the stratosphere the best way that I know to just disappear. So hold close all you hold dear and try not to cry not one more tear.

When everyday you wake up feeling as if you were already three fourths dead then it stands to reason the evil you only thought you had imagined isn't just in your head. Illusions of gradure come to life at every single turn leaving you with just cause for great concern. All kinds of nefarious beings seem to gather where there's an absence of light. There's no telling what is out there lurking in the dead of night. It really is quite difficult to determine what is even real here where the shadows are just a black as they are still. In this neon moon's tainted light I can almost make out images that just aren't quite right. The wind serenades the beast that lives inside, the Monterous parts of ourselves we usually tend to try and hide. When demons call your name with voices hushed do not panic nor let yourself be rushed. Yet if I were you I would quickly pray. Pray that for at least a while longer these demons will be held at bay.  The stench of corpses that have already started to decay cannot be covered by the fragrant scent of death's bouquet. Forsaken now in such a Godless place so far from this side of my saving grace. I grasp for the cold emptiness just for it to fail my grip. That when further into this unfamiliar hell I seemed to suddenly slip. Feeling as if indeed my very life may be in peril, I attempt to flee. Only to realize that there will be no one coming to save myself from me. Knowing that this might very well be the battle in which I was meant to fight, In silent fear I feel myself begin to shake ever so slight. Every line I've written is just as twisted as it is perverse. Yet the question that remains is are we in fact alone in this universe. If you ask me the hardest of any monster to conquer is the one that you didn't mean to conjure.  As usual now I am in pursuit of something that I doubt that I will ever find as I am still traveling outside the parameters of my own **** mind Everything you have just seen that I have written is explicit and profane just as it drips with much disdain sporadically inside my chest my heart does beat while I lose pieces of myself in these memories that are bittersweet. In some vain attempt to save my very soul I continue on to the places even angels fear to go. As cold and corrupt as I could ever be. I wish there was somewhere some place where I could  feel as if I were truly free. Not here crushed underneath the weight of pending doom. Where not a single ray of light is cutting through the gloom. So while I am standing here in the most sinister black I pray these demons do not attack. Especially right here in the heart of the very place where good and evil seems to coincide.  Chaos and catastrophe seem to just collide. Jumping at the sound of the very explosion that has broken the heart of me wide open. There are some beasts of burden I feel as if I, alone should bear. Is there anyone that is here, right now even really there? The villain of this story I seem to know fairly well. Well enough to tell if this was meant to be a nightmare or a fairytale. Perhaps it is a never ending scene meant to awaken you with a silent scream. Teetering on the very brink of yet another psychotic episode I feel as though the gates of hell I alone have rode Ask me no more questions and no lies will I sell I say as I'm turning in full circles until I start feeling rather unwell. There is no one that knows just what makes me tick I promise you these thoughts inside my head are really rather sick. These thick clouds of stale smoke make me choke with every breath I take. I wonder how far I will continue to bend before I actually break. In the interest of the secrets that I am forced to keep I feel that someday off this mortal coil I should leap. I hide myself away just out of sight so I am safe from the things inside the dark that like to bite. Bite right into my tattered heart and torn soul searching for anything that completes me and makes me whole. With wild abandon emotions run unregulated and unchecked leaving me to question just what happens next. What should I expect. I'm not bragging I am just stating a fact I will make it though this unscathed integrity still intact. I wonder where that glimmer of hope could actually be it's all I need to restore the darkest in places inside of me.  If you do not believe as I do you may never fully understand that faith as much as a mustard seed can move mountains grand. This fire, it burns everything down to nothing but cinder and ash. Hallucinations are not exactly manufactured mass. When ashes turn to mere dust blowing in the wind I can't help but wonder if you know that I am a fiend my friend. Just another addict with a heart full of snow and a head filled with static Go on do whatever it is that you must can a person actually spontaneously combust. From dusk til dawn I almost completely gone lost in this life that's merely a sick twisted joke with a halo that is tarnished and wings completely ******* broke. The heroes for the ghosts I traded have begun to give chase catching up to me so quickly it's like I was running in place. I have gone to what was once a pretty place where flowers used to grow in search of a graveyard where I could bury my dark dead soul. The others are dying to know just where I have been, as the air of  this night has been perfumed with the scents of *** sweat and sin. It matters not where I am as long as I am standing tall  or if I move to you suppose that I will fall. The creatures of the night tend to disappear as we approach the break of day. Just as I myself, take this time to attempt to fade away. Just like a flickering flame that has been spent and it slowly dies. Silence is a deafening sound as it rips across my dismal and  grey tragic skies I love with my whole heart and all that I am if you do not like me I really do not give a ****. I am supposed to be the captain of my ship the master of my very fate Go on now save yourself for me it's way too late. I cannot give up and I cannot give in to let this demon actually win would be the ultimate sin.  This cool drink of water was such a relief to my parched thought crafted In blood instead of ink was this book that I had wrote I hold on tight to this unrelenting pain tears do not cascade down my face like the falling rain. Into the worlds that are somehow parallel I lost my balance and I slipped and fell. Alone, lost and terrified there are few in which I can confide my all too frequent thoughts that turn to suicide. The story is now over this tale is fin that is until we begin yet again. Mightier than swords of sharpened steel stainless is this pen with which I write bringing in this storm the perfect sight you're **** right that means dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight.

The desperation, the tournament and the anguish pours right out of my cracked open soul. Flooding my entire being with such intense emotions that are so hard to control
I cried out in unrelenting pain but no one heard my plea there was not one that could save myself from me

Feeling as if my life was indeed in peril I was lost in a darkness I could not describe it was obvious that my only thoughts then were just how was I going to survive

These words seemed to have lept right off the page colder I was now corrupted with age
There was this huge hole inside of my very ******* soul, of course right though it the coldest winds did blow.

Losing myself further in what appeared to be a different time another place a place so forsaken
It seemed to be the perfect spot for someone with a broken heart oh how I was mistaken

The demons that lurked here you could not clearly see yet once again I cried out for some to save myself from me
Seeking out what I could only call salvation why was I swallowed up by the chaos upon my very creation

Roasting over the open flames in my own private hell I harbor forever all the secrets I can never tell
Tears do not cascade down my face I will not cry I just sit here quietly waiting for my turn to die

I travel on wearily to places even angels fear to go seeking out anything that could complete me make me whole

The deafening sound of silence was all I could hear filling me completely with dread doubt and most of all fear
I was destined to be among the ****** as long as I chose to remain right here.

So through the sinister night I strolled blindly for there was nothing at all I could see
I seemed to be chasing spirits that taunted follow me

So off in pursuit of something I was sure I would never find I once again traveled outside the parameters of my own mind

To error they say is to be human but to forgive is said to be divine. There has to be some kind of flaw in my grand design

My character has been assiasnated by people who know not who I really am they do not see the hell I have walked through they do not give a ****

All alone I now am wondering just what I should do confused and at my wits end I have no clue

I continue on moving forward attempting to adjust So I pine, I burn, and I perish leaving behind nothing but ashes that turn to dust

In this tainted moonlight that shines in the widows bright
I let go of every ache and pain with every word I write

My lines are twisted and perverse as well as explicit and profane and where would I be If I were not crazy going sane.

I have no other option but to confess that I am nothing but a hot mess heart beating sporadically inside my of chest filled with emotions mere words alone can not express

Fading to black just as thick clouds of smoke pollute the very air we breathe the most dangerous monster of all is the one we don't believe

The hardest one of all to conquer is the one we ourselves seemed to conjure even if I was in fact soon to be a goner I was determined to go out with honor

Lately the thoughts in my head leave me saddened
horrors relived that most couldn't have never even imagined
I am feeling a little bit stagnant
kind of like a **** magnet
life's been hell but somehow I've managed, even though it has left me sitting here all dark and damaged.
From the start I was at a disadvantage
I'm no princess from a far away land enchanted
nor am I shady and down right underhanded
I'll rise up just like a sleeping savage
**** with me and I'll start reeking havoc
I'm not just being dramatic
now days it's pretty much automatic
I'm quite the active addict
head and heart full of snow and static
it keeps me well distracted
lost in an age old habit
my skies still streaked tragic
welcoming the demos who have come in uninvited
there are some days that I just cannot fight it others days there's no way for me to hide it
flames in my hell reignited
yet here I am burning trapped inside it

Glowing red just like a burning ember
There are times I easily loose my temper
for as long as I can remember
I've been just another sinner surrounded by darkness that I can only describe as sinister
I am no where near a beginner
I did disfigure silver
there's so much I should reconsider dreaming of times much simpler
learning from my inner prisoner
who is always quoting Scripture
in barely a whisper
spinning like a a twister
pain and anguish becoming a permanent fixture
I stand back trying see the bigger picture my voice of reason sounds just like my sister
something about this is so familiar
Now I get twisted losing my way so much quicker
my flames are beginning to flicker
the taste of misfortune is very bitter washing out my mouth with water from the river
now if only I could stand and deliver
instead I can only sit here and shiver
like I'm outside in the dead of winter
by now I should've burned down to nothing but a cinder
lost on another ******
wounds still tender
barely even let out a whimper
searching for the hope I lost looking hard for that glimmer.
One day I will rise above wrapped up in heaven splinder.