this intensifying pain
glorifies
our very existence
which would
otherwise
disappear
in invisible neutrality of taken for granted-ness
drowning
in a love-less
cool-headedness

each time
she opened
the box
to find
and release hope
another evil
came out.

plain
pure
pristine
simple
sheer
mere
distilled
untainted
unspoiled
my love for you is
and therefore
                                             I am all
naked
naive
****
transparently
see-through

The woman in red is waiting for love
                                        blood red love

Ruby, the woman in a red dress
a dress of passion and blood
                                       blood red love

They would call her mad
                             how sad
Ruby owned her story of love
                                      blood red love
passion, pain, and loneliness

Ruby "the insane"
for those
who do not own their own stories
and don't ever truly love
Nobody ever waits for love for anyone, anymore
                                        blood red love

in a shallow taken- for- granted-ness
he held her hand loosely
as if she would always be there
to fill his life

I am hopelessly muddled
by the unglazed
remembrances of you
that have been scattered all over
in an already mazed
world
and I am on the ground
whirled

crawling loneliness
will not reach anywhere
a shoe without a pair is no use
one shoe is no shoe
and I am nothing without you

I could only see the joy of life in your eyes

apparently, I will not be able to find life elsewhere
...or anywhere

not easily decipherable
rhymes of love
are always there to lure
the ones who can hear
even in deafening silence

Standing at the far left of the frame of life
I have been dwarfed by the tall branches of the giant bodied willow tree like sorrow
My brain has been ****** by a poisonous arrow
under the shades that I borrow
from tomorrow

you disappeared suddenly
leaving everything behind
now I am left with only one choice
in this supposedly multiple-choice universe
I will grieve over you throughout
will I ever be able to forget
all the undesirable memories
and coat them with sugar?

when our hearts blended
under the newly emerging sun
I felt that life
would forever smile on us
you were the blanket over me in a homely,
all warm and loving cozy colorfulness
with all your attraction
that turned home
into a constant first date  "clicking" excitement

breathe in
swallow
absorb
all sorts of
poisonous
sorrows
frenzy and
unrest
"you"
is what
I need
crying
does
not help
anymore

Penguins march in my dreams
in a city that will soon be terrorized
with the dispersed paint of their black and white
I am blind in the seamless continuity of whiteness
invisibility undermines my black sorrow
left behind by the happily marching penguins

you are
a homemade soul healing soup
in a banana bread smell coziness
with notes of chocolate chip cookie essence
and a film-watching excitement
in comfort pajamas

birth pang-like contractions start
in my heart
before you depart
sweetheart
things fall apart
with a poisonous lump
in my throat
try to keep myself afloat
but there seems to be no lifeboat
around. The only way to see the rainbow
is to let my soul grow

The scar, like that on a 10-year-old’s knee after having fallen in the backyard
is now in my brain after having tripped over life
Compared to that of the child's crusted scab this eschar
is more painful and pus-filled poisoning the whole body.

With a hope that it
will blossom one day, I am
watering fake plants

seize the day before the day ceases
love me before you leave
and let me kiss you before you die

Hold my hand and lift me up
if you are there
                                          If not, hold my hand and drag me down there
                                          into the ground  
                                          if you are down there
The borders between you and me
                            split my life    into two
Leaving me in a sad and sluggish bipolar world
                           through high and low moods
We too deserve to flow and glow with love in a seamless earth

I dream of poems every night
walk through the vast sunflower fields with delight
mourning doves fly around
bringing me peace, love, and hope abound

I dream of poems every night
wander around a dense woodland bright
and a red cardinal lands on my shoulder
sent from heaven, I know you are near.

I dream of poems every night
scuffle through a crowd but lose sight
when I run around to find you in vain
you die again and again

Not all boomerangs come back
Some are used to attack
and can be lethal weapons
and threaten
when used by the skilled
many can get killed

your words
whirled
in the air  
found me there
and stabbed me  
your words will not return back to you
as they have already killed me

White clouds surrounding the crimson flame
Snowflakes coating the red blazing geranium
A pale face with a maroon lipstick
A glass of white wine and cardinal grapes
A white lace dress with burning red roses
A white night with sanguine passions
Cream and strawberries
A cotton ball with blood
White marble gravestone buried in red soil
Sad white funeral lilies soaked in blood-red tears

Through a small passage
of my coal-like burning
soul
escape the fume-like despair and anguish
the shaft of my
volcano
heart erupts the lava-like pain through a hole
the ejecta
words
the outbursts
of my hurts

I miss you
my soul is full of lumps
I just try to smooth out everything
to have perfectly blended memories of you
but all the unsaid and that can never be said
curdled in my throat

Walking towards the unknown
Away from the well known
A precious stone ornamented glamorous crown
Of a dignified and refined love and affection
This only sounds like fiction
Although we used to talk about all this with conviction
When we were waved with a magical wand
The whole world had turned into a heart-lifting and fulfilling beau monde
perfection  

The crown
Fell off and hit the ground
Turning me into a clown
All the gems and jewels spread and broke up
Like filthy germs floating around

Cuts, bruises, and a deep and scary wound
The whole life turned into a grimy pond
of ugly frogs and nauseous frogspawn
Bulged with pus, poison, and pain
Whichever you kiss
You get the icky taste
of a painful and quick death

end-less
fear-less
doubt-less
self-less
ego-less
use-less
mind-less
you-less

Pacing through the desolate forest
with the recalling voice of the chorist
rain touches my soul
as I ramble in my inner black hole

The wind washes my face
as  sorrow and sadness chase
I leave myself to the propelling wind
to leave everything behind

Thinking about all that happened when the wind blows my hair
how could life dare
separate us
and fill my heart with pus?

grief
in brief
is love
conserved
your sudden death
is like a shock- freeze of my love
and I will thaw it when you come back

it is not possible for me to use "the newly-wed" words anymore
the honeymoon with life is over,
there are no love words
or passionate looks or hugs
Life just hugs to choke me with as much anguish as possible    
life will not spoil me ever again like you did when we had our honeymoon

you have never been here at this time of the year
who cares
if the trees will not ever bloom again
nevermind
I feel like you have come all the way to witness my death anyway

reattaching to the beauties of life
is when you chop the onions with a sharp knife
to bake your grandma's homemade shepherd's pie
the recipe that you will teach your kids before you die

fully feeling things and awakening the senses
is possible through the tasty smell of the fresh herbs behind the fences
when you take out all the raspberries painted fancy plates
open a bottle of red, full-bodied Chianti and set elegant dinner tables

everything is like it used to be  
under the willow tree
we all there were free
then died he

Our love was
one of the wonders of the world
a prominent must see
a once seen never to be forgotten
therefore I plea
that you come back to shine among all the rotten

you were the shelter to all my left behind
soul

The Venus in my veins  
is dying every second
before giving birth to anything or anyone
In a love-less, infertile abstinence
through a prosperous lack of desire
a set back beauty and an overthrown victory

Honoring you each day and night with my immense sorrow
"my tears" is a tribute song to our love
and my aching heart is the statue of a you-less loneliness
I have realized that all the songs, poems, and statues are somehow heartfelt heartaches that I happily enjoyed.

The windowpane has been clouded by heavy sorrows that I cannot see the joys of spring blooming
the red tulips in the garden have been fogged with my gray spot like ***** ​sorrow
streaks and molds of my mind have shadowed the purple pansies

Forget all the things
that I have said out loud
Just listen
to my murmuring heart

Dead bodies all over
Lying down in colorful gowns
Checkered red and white shirts and
Shining night blue dresses
That man with the brown jacket
Looks like he has already turned into soil

I have been locked with you in a world that is
without you
I can no longer see you as my eyes have been blinded with  constant wet
I can no longer hear your voice as my ears are constantly ringing in a deafening murmur
I can no longer touch you as I cannot reach you
with you is without you

A magician is not someone who can do tricky card games
and allure audiences
A magician is not someone who can hypnotize
and can get things lost
A magician
can lure you
and make love last
A magician can forever love with lust
A bright magician conjures beauty up
and does not let anything get lost

my timid and feeble breath hesitates to catch up with life
when I had you all the days were bright
and it felt alright
leaving everything behind to hide from the night
feels like finding the light
but it is not quite
right
as shedding tears will blight
my soul with mold

Everything is crystal clear when
I put my glasses on
fields are green
life is not grim
lights are not dim
I see him
swim
in the turquoise blue waters

My hair has been gently touched by your hands
When they were still warm
How will I ever get it cut?
When you cut yourself off from me

take my computer away
even if I write thousands of words
I will not be able to seep my heart out
I know where to find you
but my heart does not let me
go beyond this world

immensely soaked in a breathless vision
whatever I do
I am lost in you

I am not a poet
Or a woman of letters
Not talented or gifted
I just go through enormous pain
Poems are the painkiller
Poems are the band-aid
Poems are the antidepressant
Poems are my companion
Poems hold my hand
Poems hug me real tight
Poems never leave me alone
Poems sleep with me
And wake up with me
Poems fill my heart
Poems feed me
Poems satisfy my thirst
Poems love me
I put my head on a poet’s lap
And he caresses my hair

Sometimes what pierces the heart is a void
winds pass
and storms blow through never-can be filled slits
cavities, pits, and whirlpools
immense, vast, and endless... like space
meaningless time flows
inflicting enormous pain to the coves
of life

What happened when I was gone?
If you ask...
I don't need to smile anymore...

We have become good friends with death
We both know that life is just a feeble breath
We hang out together and he gives me the strength
He kisses my heart and I hold his hand

Death talks to me and asks me no questions
He accepts me as I am without suggestions
He is trustworthy and has authentic perceptions
He is my best friend and has no deceptions

Difficult to leave and impossible to forget
He has my back no matter what
He prevents loneliness and fret
He has walked into my life after you walked out.