I wake up at 6:00 in the morning
My adoring husband lie next to me
I go to my kitchen
And make my three kids breakfast
I drop them off to school
My husband kisses me goodbye
I go to the office
I sit in my cubicle
Staring at the computer screen
For eight hours
Then cook dinner for my family
I put my children to bed
I lie next to my husband
In our queen sized bed
And I stare at the ceiling
Wondering where I went wrong
Stuck in the treacherous never ending cycle
Of the life I was terrified to live
Then I drift to sleep
Knowing I'll duplicate this day
Over and over and over

I loved her
I loved her silky enchanting dark black hair
I loved her deep forest green eyes
I loved her freckles that illuminated her skin
I loved her endless curiosity
I loved her perseverance, her dreams
I loved her empathy towards her worst villains
But I never told her that
And I never will tell her that
It’s too late
Because her black hair lay next to her
In a coffin
With her green eyes
Shut, for no one to see
Her freckles
Faded into her forever, no longer glowing
Her beautiful curiosity
Buried into the earth
Her dreams
Will never be reached
And her empathy
Well I guess it got the best of her
Her battling villains
Won her war
Her internal war, not a soul knew about
Before it was too late
But maybe, just maybe
If I told her I loved her
I could have ended the war
Maybe I could have saved her
From the villains attacking her soul
Too late

He stayed quiet
He held back
He thought too much
He talked too little
She stayed quiet
She held back
She thought too much
She talked too little
Both were meant to be
But both will never speak

She never ate at lunch
No one looked at her
No one thought twice
She wore long sleeves every day
No one looked at her
No one thought twice
She didn't smile
No one looked at her
No one thought twice
She didn't have friends
No one looked at her
No one thought twice
Until one day
When she wasn't there
To eat at lunch
To wear long sleeves
To smile
To have friends
That's when everyone cared
When she wasn't even there

Everyone says I’m lazy
When I don't have motivation
Everyone says I seek attention
When I want to die
Everyone says I’m too dependent
When I can't take care of myself
Everyone says I’m dramatic
When I can't live anymore
But what will they say when I’m gone?
Would I finally prove them wrong?

It's just medication
That made mommy fall asleep while driving me to school
It's just medication
That made me have to cook my own meals every night
It's just medication
That never let me have friends over to my house
It's just medication
That caused child protective services to knock on the door
It's just medication
That took away from mommy forever
It's just medication
That that's stole my mommy life
It's just medication
That turned mommy from a sweet, caring, stable, loving mother
Into a reckless, incapable, depressed, broken women
And I miss mommy
The one who fell down the dark never ending pit
The one I’ll never get back
But it's just medication

Depression
The infection growing in my body
Decaying
My heart
My soul
My brain
My emotions
Turning me numb
To nothingness
To emptiness
To hollowness
Until there's nothing left
When I really am absolutely
Nothing