In the present at this moment
As you look back at the years

May you feel satisfied, relax in peace
And there be very few tears

Remember that there are achievements
Great and small in many layers

Many lives that you have touched
Some from far, some very near

And You remain undisclosed
In some hearts and flourish in other

The timing is never right and the moment is gone,
For in the dark, behind the eyes,
Love continues to whisper

The dilemma to not cause a ripple
Makes a scream turn to a whimper

But isn't it a blessing to know you are loved
And to be cherished without any fear

The uncertainty around makes me want to declare,
A love that was never lost and will never be found

I don't know what to do and am just still
But I pretend to get through and keep moving

This is just another day
Or any other sultry night

A little shame a little regret
A heart full of pain left by the deleted love

I have to forgive myself, I have to heal,
For life is going to cause many more injuries

I just can't seem to find the strength
I feel my soul collapsing and become weaker

I don't hate you, nor am I allowed to say
I am lost for words and on mute

So once again I am reminded of being unwanted
The silence of my soul conveys its acceptance

I and my loneliness are back so close
It sure is rejoicing for nothing can keep us apart

I resign and I succumb
To this numbing pain and give up the struggle

Why can't I accept, I love him with a strength,
That is almost surreal

Is it a fleeting choice, I keep asking myself,
Isn't the way he makes me feel, enough to keep it real

The past has left many shadows,
Of lovers whose love now feels trivial

Shadows that cast a doubt,
And make me stand trial

Its my heart against me,
A testimony so thin, its almost superficial

This time its true, my heart pleads,
I feel him in my soul, like its beat he is perpetual

And so I give in and sentence myself,
I allow love to pervade me and try not to be skeptical

Now, I am alert, I am hyper aware,
I look out for a discord, a flutter infinitesimal

Stop it! my heart insists, do not resist love it says,
It dances around with joy, as I stand helpless and watch the burial.

Everything is OK
is all I can say
when someone asks if I am happy
yeah I am OK I say
for no one has the time
to look into my eyes
to see the blanket of grey
that covers the pain from the lies
the lies that I tell myself
to keep me away from myself
how could I fall for someone
who doesn't seem to miss me
how could I still be waiting
to hear something that will never reach me
and so I tell myself
just to hush...
just to be oblivious to you
Isn't it an irony then..
I sit here and pen these lines
and all I can think is of you

When I love....
I want to be free.

When I love....
I want love to welcome me.

When I love....
I want love to consume me.

When I love....
I want love to love me.

For love is not love....
When it is born out of obligation.

Don't you think it is time....
To free me of this painful situation.

Don't you think it is time....
To give in to love together.

To be free together.

Were these the settings I was with  born  
A wee bit of happiness, some love, some loneliness some pain

Of all, my loneliness seems to be the leader
With me always, for me forever

Making sure I get back to being lonely
After any pleasure and company

Sometimes, I think it is waiting to see if I change
Will I try a new approach only to invite more pain in exchange

As I rise up and fall again my loneliness surrounds me
Cushions me in its dark arms and collects my tears

Once in a while it sees me truly happy and knows it cannot touch me
Knowing for sure I am in an illusion, Oh! what an irony

I can sometimes feel it trying to change my settings in desperation  
Trying to coax me out of my submission

What's wrong I say to my loneliness ...I am used to your love I declare
For try as I might I won't find the same dedication elsewhere

And so we rest in each other's arms wondering
How nothing seems to make a difference

Beauty brains wealth and patience, I have them all
None of these seem to be of any consequence  

For I am set to be lonely by default
I am responsible for what I feel and it sure is nobody's fault

As her gloom swallowed her
And she remained in the nothingness

Hyper aware that the world was alive
While she lay regretting her life

Fate seemed to smile on her, when she saw him
Sharing her gloomy world, inside a shell of his own,that made him spin

Cheerfulness was the mask she chose
He seemed to cramp his life busy with unnecessary prose

But they both knew beneath the facade
Were two souls wanting to be free of the charade

He couldn't tell her and she couldn't ask
To trust again was such a herculean task

He made her laugh,cry and fret
She enveloped him with her love, without any regret

He got her and she got him, partners can they be?
Not in life, but in despair maybe!!