Its  3 AM and I cant sleep
My friends so far away from me
They took all of our memories so selfishly,
away. from. me.
No more texts and no more calls,
No sunsets
No “goodnight Gracie~May”
Adventures with momo?
what are those?
March 27 so far far away.
While I grasp the air for those precious moments
Moments that fade too quickly into months ago
Instead of days ago

You told me to be quiet so I became quiet
You told me to hold my chin up so I raised it up toward you
You showed me an inconceivable event, so I became loud
You told me to raise my voice
I raised my voice…
But I feel it growing back into my lungs
I feel my voice fading again, but not because you told it too
The fade came out of fear…
And I know now that you are most definitely in the middle of it all
but... the fear comes not from you,
but from the dark, the same dark you let me see.
And in the midst of it you sent people,
people who reminded me that my voice is still heard, people who from across the room where they shouldn’t be able to hear me…
they heard me,
Your voice is powerful, it is not mine it is you.
You have used me, and I cannot be upset by it anymore.

Writing out in the open is fun
The strange glances as people strain their eyes
To see what the words falling on my paper are saying,
Only to be disappointed when they realize
. . .
She's writing poetry
*insert eye roll
How I wish people would just ask to see what it is I'm writing
Just so I can have the satisfaction of telling them NO!
But what can I say I like leaving people asking questions

The wall went up quickly,
And then it fell.
Five times it fell.

The next week it went up again,
It stayed.
For a whole day it stood strong

The storm that night is what did it
The waves crashed down on the sand castle.
The castle stood.
Wobbly and weaker than before.

The children always return to build.
Walls, castles, barricades…
Of sand.

They hide in the dark where they cannot be found.
In the pitch blackness of night they loom over empty fields.
They are shadows waiting to eat out the sun.
The walls trick us
We think the walls will keep us from harm's way.
Until they fall, crushing everything in their path

Layed down, brick, by brick, by brick.
Walls put up stone, after stone.
The unwelcome thoughts stay away.
But they come rushing back in like a wave on a beach
The weak barricade that had built falls.
The tears stream down my flushed cheeks.
Life goes on, but it’s not the same.
My friends all taken away.
For the first time the door is locked
My vision is blurred,
Black splotches dot the pillow.
The walls go back up stone, by stone.
Brick, by brick.
Stuck in a repetitive sequence.

breathe in and out I say to myself
What used to scare me does not anymore
The things that made me shyly smile now send tears of immense joy
Joy…. joy
A word I must learn to love
Its the feeling of knowing that life begins again
It is loving that the normalcy of life is just around the corner
The time of anxiety and depression all to slowly fade away
As i draw nearer and nearer to ozark, to Goodman, to room 319, to life
Breathe in and out brave girl
You have been brave on your own and in community
On your own it was hard; however, that time is ending
Breathe in and out your almost to the beginning
Joy and life, the two things you have yearned for,
It is now time to break the toxic cycle you started
Let the fresh air back in, remind yourself that you are in charge
Breathe in and out i tell you