Why then should I even care
When you fail to meet me there
I never know where you have been
All your lies are wearing thin

If I should fall and hit my head
Fill my thoughts so full of dread
I cannot withstand the heat
Walk on coals and burn my feet

Try to hold the dream in hand
Understand its not what I had planned
Knowing well that I won't win
You see the loss is factored in.

I sing a song in the rising sun
The song of love for I have none
I wish for love though I will not cry
No tear will fall from my weary eye

I sing a song of the waining light
In the darkness alone I fight
Thought has come now dark and deep
I close my eyes though I dare not sleep

I sing a song in a past tense
The things I did did not make sense
Of all I wish that I could hold
No not silver no not gold

I sing a song of yesterday
I should have said the things I did not say
If only I could go back and make it right
Say I love you and hold you tight.

I never knew what more I could do
Instinctively I knew I'd become addicted to you.

I started my life
A wayward young man
Having no knowledge
Having no plan

I took one step
Then took another
Left what I knew
Turned away from my brother

Stood six feet four
On my own feet
Learned what I could
Always felt incomplete

Filling my life
With inconsequential things
Memories, mistakes
Stuff that life brings

Tried killing myself
Just to forget
Came very close
Haven't accomplished it yet

Stepped off the edge
Into a miserable abyss
Always getting *******
Never getting that kiss

Breaking my back
Just to survive
Never looking to tomorrow
Here I am still alive

Never doing it easy
Having been hit really hard
Paid all the dues
So I've earned my card

Tried not to fold
When the pressure was such
Failed to realize
When it became too much

So when I lay down
To sleep tonight
Perhaps when I wake on the morrow
I'll be able to get it right.

                Mike.

88
It was a long time
Not all the years were good
Battles fought and won
A life sometimes in much solitude
A book to keep her mind
A spot to sit and read
A blanket of Egyptian cotton to warm her
Never was I distracted
There should have been more time
She slipped away quietly Monday morning
I should have been THERE.

I have not lived my life
To wretched excess
I always knew I could get by
With just a little less

I have been fed well
And I have lived long
Although no one will sing
Of my life in a song

           M. H

When it's time where will you go
When it's time what will you know
Will you find yourself where you want to be
And will you now give yourself to me

When it's time will there be trust
When it's time will it be lust
When it's time what will you do
When it's time will he love you

When it's time what will you lose
When it's time for you to choose
When it's time will you be lost
When it's time will you pay that cost

When it's time and you played your cards
When it's time will it be the whole 9 yards
When it's time will it be true
Because now is the time for me and you.

She doesn't speak
When she moves her eyes
She won't give me
Any alibis

She tells me
She doesn't have a tale to tell
But I know her
And it's just as well

One day I'll say the right thing
And she will let me in
And then she will tell me
Where she has been

In the time of seriously
I went blind totally
I lost sight of things I should have seen
I wonder if you'll know you know what I mean
I sat I was still I took no action
Doing so little that was my infraction
And now she is gone I will see her no more
Now I simply wait while the tears from my eyes pour.

I listen to music sit here and write
Something that I can do all friggin night
Who though wants to hear the words of a once sea worthy man
The way that I'm living now wasn't really my plan
It seems I'm caught in the past now I can't break away
No matter if I Bang my head and rage all friggin day
The darkness has long been my friend
There are those nights that come I pray soon will end
Even when I want it to stay
the Sun comes up and drives it away
Because there are those dreams from which I do not want to escape
I wish I could record them and replay them on tape
Then a cap comes along and breaks my train of thought
And I begin to wonder or all my words for naught.

                           M.H.

I sit on the back porch
Just to watch the sunset
And envision the things
That I cannot forget

The loss of my son
When Maisey became my pet
The yoke of the loss
I can't cast off yet

The pain deep down inside
Deep in my core
It's tearing me apart
I am always sore

The time my leg was separated
Into parts 4
The personal attacks on my psyche
Which I abhor

The amnesia
The mind it grows weak
I want to get the words out
While I can still speak

The words they bore in
This thinking of death
The panting the sweating
The shortness of breath

The early morning dreams
Even the ones that I miss
Every time that I think
Of that last cherished childish kiss

The depression
That causes that flash in your skull
Or just feeling listless
Wrung out, dull

All this in one package
How can that be
Well they gave it a name
It's called P.T.S.D.

                            M.H.

My old man wanted to ring the bell
Every time he thought about it his chest would swell
You see the bell had to be rung on time
Time was the one thing my old man couldn't tell.
                           M.H.

My old man was born to fly
So he thought he'd try writing in the sky
Unfortunately that didn't work out so well
Mostly because my old man can't spell

                           M.H.

She bent over then
She did so in middle street
Why did she bend then

                           M.H.

What are you to do, when you have been misled
When somebody lied, played with your head
Wonder did they believe, the things that you said
Or were they mistaken, in the things that they read

I met someone, gave her all of my pearls
She was the one, out of one billion girls
How would I know, that she would turn bad
When I thought she was the best, that I had ever had

Was I really, just a naive old man
Just getting along alone, as best as I can
She brought something in my life, for which I had not planned
And tortured me with words, that I did not understand

She was so quick, to jump into my bed
I was not there, someone else in my stead
I fell to my knees, without God I pled
But the only color I was seeing,
was simply red

The fact is my heart, had just been caged
It would not matter how much, I ranted or raged
For less than my pleasure, this whole thing had been staged
I failed to get the message, I was not even paged

And then of course, it came to that day
The one where she walked in, and then walked away
She was the heartless one,  That's the role she would play
And it left me for evermore to stand, on my feet of clay...
                                M.H.

Can I tell you
What I felt at the start
Your spear went
Right through my heart

Now that I'm bleeding
Not sure what to do
Are you really sure
I should turn away from you

I get shaky and sweaty
When my blood sugar is low
Do you really want
Me to go

Just a silhouette
All I feel is tears
You opened me up
After so many years

Now you've shut me down
Dump the clutch with the brakes locked
I cannot go forward
My path is blocked

Have you really said
To step out of your life
I have been cut so deep
By your razor sharp knife

Will this be the last time
That I have to talk to you
I really don't know
What more I can do

I can't believe
You tell me where through
My old heart can't take
Being broken in two

So if you must run
I will not pursue
Just take my two pieces
And know we are through

You gave them to the doubts
That complicate your mind
Now once again
I am to be left behind

This is a problem
I don't know if it can be solved
Just tell me now
Was I wrong to get involved...

                            M.H.

I am not
What you think you see
I am thought
I will be or not be

I am not an exotic car
I am not a planet
I am a star
I am a trip you will go far

I am not easy to explain
I am not comfort for pain
I am a pool not easy to drain

I am not your true love
I am the one you think of
I am not a soft Spring rain
I am the hurricane

I am not going to allay your fear
I am not a tall cold beer
I am not the wheel you steer
I am not even here...

                         M.H.

I looked once
I was asked why
they said you
didn't even try

I turned and looked
I didn't lie
I dont know
I asked why.

M.H.

This is a mindless hell for me
Accused of a crime not committed you see
Still I will see inside the machine
With wide open eyes as if picks my bones clean

The commandant will stand on his box
As the officer of the machine with his keys he unlocks

The blood that is splattered inside the machine
That is one place that will never be clean

You can't wash away the screems of the men
Who have seen the inside again and again

Here on this dry dusty I'sle
The   Commandant is the only one you see smile
And after you are imprisoned here you realize after a while
He in joy's being cruel his sadistic style

They will not detail the crime you allegedly committed
There will be no cap the machine does not have to be fitted

You see it can handle yes one and all
The short and the meek the big and the small
Once you go in no one ever wins
Tattooed with a commandment by razor sharp pins

This is the Commandants  Singular invention
He wants to keep it full that is his intention
Today he has prepared a special parade
There are no trees there is no shade

Marching into oblivion they are not waylaid
They March in to the machine death to all no order is stayed

And the sick commandant
What does he say
Well now officer
This is been a productive day...

                          M.H.