Why not me
Why couldn’t it be
What was wrong
Was I not strong
Was I too weak
Was I too meek
I was not alone but I was afraid
   In the home that you made
You promised me care
But that was rare
Love is what I sought
Though I got naught
I wished you not come near
Your screaming voice filling me with fear
My hate for you grew to be great
Seemed it would never abate
Even at the end
I could not pretend
You died alone in your hospital bed
Nothing was left to be said
But life had some lessons to teach
My forgiveness was not out of reach
Maybe we shared more than a name
Maybe we are the same
Were you also not alone but afraid
In the home your father made
What was wrong
Were you not strong
Were you too weak
Were you too meek
Was the love you sought
Also for naught
I think it is time for this to end
Time for me to finally mend
I know the hell you wrought
Came from the same demons I have fought
The train stops here
A new track I adhere
The love my children have sought
Has not and never will be for naught

You keep calling my name
But I know it won’t ever be the same
Once you made me feel on top
Then came the day I could not stop
Hands a tremblin,covered in sweat
Till once again we met
Days and nights all a blur
That’s just how things were
Try to stop, life I could not face
So off to oblivion I would race
Friends and family I did not care
You left me with no feelings to spare
All I wanted was sweet sweet relief
In return you took all of me like a thief
Of course the time came you gave relief no more
You had nothing left for me, yet I wanted more
I begged stop the pain
As my tears fell like rain
What could this be but pure insanity
Ask for help, what about my vanity
Where do I go from here
Which way do I steer
So full of fear
I want outta here
Don’t wanna live don’t wanna die
Feels as if its all a lie
Tired of the fight
Just ain’t right
I must stop just give in
Is the only way to win
Surrender my will
Peace I’ll feel

Written by
Bill