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I am so tired
My brain is unwired
The neurones are not firing
I need rewiring
I need plugging in
Just like an AI
But I wonder why?
 Jul 2020 Elena Tanakova
erin
living like young gods in the city
your average broken kids
collecting sins
and memories
 Jul 2020 Elena Tanakova
erin
i tried floating once
i tried dripping honey and blooming flowers
i tried being as light as the wind
caressing softly, then leaving
like they want me to

i couldn't float
i taste like salt and soil
my body is turbulent, volatile
i am heavy and sink into the earth
but i am alive
that is good enough for me
 Jul 2020 Elena Tanakova
erin
this is your least favorite part

two weeks later we put our clothes back on

two weeks later i'm not in love
because i don't know love but i'm
enamored with you.
i think it will be hard to forget a boy who
filled me with fluorescent light,
someone so electric
so alive.

two weeks later you're on a plane to chicago
and i'm laying in bed listening to the empty
sounds of my body without you.
i never even got to see you drunk or see your hair
in the morning still matted
from sleep.

two weeks later i ache from the absence of you

this is my least favorite part
 Jul 2020 Elena Tanakova
erin
it's ok to decide
you don't want me.
i won't keep tugging on
your sleeve to try to
make you love me.
but after all i have given,
after all we have shared,
i deserve to know
why.
 Jul 2020 Elena Tanakova
erin
i open up
they walk away
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