n: Poems

Dec 2020 · 159

dopamine

n Dec 2020

dopamine

a full stomach
a roof and a bed
what else is left

dope
i mean
dopamine

Dec 2020 · 120

old commercials

n Dec 2020

old commercials

something bothers me about old commercials

you can tell the young actors didn't have to work as hard to fake their smiles

Dec 2020 · 91

colorblind

n Dec 2020

colorblind

she went on about auras and thanked me for wearing a hat.

i never though much of crystals.
or the position of the moon.

maybe we just prefer the quiet.

all water looks shallow in the dark.

Dec 2020 · 102

what's a quarter worth

n Dec 2020

what's a quarter worth

when my mom told me to keep the coins in the fountain,

that they are someone else's wishes about to come true,

all i could think about was gumballs.

Dec 2020 · 91

turtlenecks belong in the past

n Dec 2020

turtlenecks belong in the past

your papa's got a a camcorder and wants to save some memories but nothing's going on.

the neighbors took the good cartoons from blockbuster so you grab a stick instead.

under this infinite sky you recite the lies from the next grade up. at least jenny speaks to jesus but you still don't like to be alone with the burden of her damage.

a squirrel just tried to talk to you and you pretend to understand. will the day ever come when you finally get what everyone pretends to know?

this is that moment you second guess the hole you'd dig to china.

and now your neck itches.

https://youtu.be/7E0MSF5Z7KU

Dec 2020 · 90

ash

n Dec 2020

ash

if i'm my own ashes must we accept that we've failed? or at least served our purpose?

now we return to the earth to help others grow

i started loaning out my used coffee grounds to a friend. she says they make good fertilizer. i know how fast they can grow mold so i belive her. i guess they'll do better with the plants than in some landfill. a part of me is also kicking myself because i never got addicted to cigarettes, somehow they never did it for me. they just gave me a headache and made my throat hurt. still i sometimes wish i could get more out of life by simply quitting something. i've got a lot of work started but can't seem to finish anything. this time of year it's harder to get to sleep but harder to get up. if you're still reading this for some reason, the next time you get a chance to sleep in, take it. you deserve some rest and hopefully it will make you feel a little better.

Dec 2020 · 93

american screenplay

n Dec 2020

american screenplay

an old jukebox rest in the center of the frame

the setting: a dive bar some time in the recent past.
wood panels, shades of browns and greens backlit with the ambiance of neon lights.

a forgettable song plays faintly in the backround.

camera pans left and focuses on a bathroom door.
it swings open and hangs slightly slanted.

[enter hero]

hero: "i've never learned a lesson in my entire life"

hero lights cigarette. music stops and the audience falls back to sleep.

Nov 2020 · 61

last year

n Nov 2020

last year

this time last year
it was unusually warm
i watched the rain make trails down the front window at the bar

it's been a long time since i could sit with that kind of quiet
strangers close by minding their own lives as if we weren't all connected

and we were all making plans
or daydreaming of escape
doing something with our hands to keep our minds busy

there's some kinds of sadness that are nice to share. like a hooded sweatshirt walk through the warm rain

as we look in the eyes of a long winter not yet arrived
i'll pause and remember to take a breath while i can

Nov 2020 · 81

language

n Nov 2020

language

sometimes i wonder
if i managed to learn a separate language,
where the words sound the same as english but all have different meanings

and somehow
no one i've spoken to has been able to tell the difference

Nov 2020 · 69

fall soft

n Nov 2020

fall soft

you'll never make it out of the bottom of this well if you beat yourself down when you try to stand up.

you'll never make it out of the bottom of this well if you beat yourself down when you slip climbing up.

let yourself fall soft.
let the pain sink in and try again.

there might be someone up there who could use your help.

https://youtu.be/bgFUgOyCEVk

Oct 2020 · 70

dilution

n Oct 2020

dilution

water dissolves salt
oil dissolves rust
gin soaks the feelings and
whiskey stokes the flames
smoke fades in wind
and human bodies float

Oct 2020 · 91

proverb

n Oct 2020

proverb

what doesn't **** you
only hurts you longer.

Oct 2020 · 74

silence by the lakeside

n Oct 2020

silence by the lakeside

this moss covered bench somehow holds my weight

after all this time

though forgotten it still does its job

age has softened the wood and made it more comfortable

like a dying dog panting quietly at its owner's feet.

the faces along the trail are vaguely familiar

these days strangers all resemble people i've met in the past
as if in a dream

i'm still bad at remembering names and I guess there's some shame in that

i don't know why but the falling leaves make me wish i had something to say

or someone to say it to.

https://youtu.be/ySaR84EdhgM

Oct 2020 · 63

low tide

n Oct 2020

low tide

how come none of the songs about the the ocean mention that low tide smells like ****?

if you're going to get lost in an infinite horizon,

praise the reflection of sunlight,

and drink the salt from the air,

at least look at what's in front of you.

https://youtu.be/wMIXSDVa0Dc

Sep 2020 · 73

drive safe

n Sep 2020

drive safe

in time all hands learn the art of letting go

i wonder where gravity would take us if there were no ground

the illusion of spinning,
toxic vertigo

a seat at the table with those who missed their chance

drive safe,
it was nice to meet you

Sep 2020 · 62

vacancies

n Sep 2020

vacancies

there's a stretch of miles on the pennsylvania highway where no one sleeps.

we make apologies to the rearview mirror and beg for the last taste of sunlight before the motel signs turn on.

https://youtu.be/bMVAEoZE6d0

Aug 2020 · 73

tresspasser

n Aug 2020

tresspasser

my problem isn't being alone,
it's just feeling like a tresspasser

Aug 2020 · 67

ode to new orleans

n Aug 2020

ode to new orleans

there's nothing like the taste of a hurricane

mixed at molly's in the new atlantas.

last time i saw blosuming love at a temporary marriage,

madi gras beads with ***** on them,

and split an irish coffee with a french aunt.

i slept in the stairwell of a fancy hotel.

there was a grave shaped as a pyramid and music in the streets.

your back up plan is sinking.

https://youtu.be/Iz5Vree9J18

Aug 2020 · 76

lullaby

n Aug 2020

lullaby

i used to get angry at the cracks in these walls

now i just serenade the bedbugs

Aug 2020 · 69

different people

n Aug 2020

different people

i need something to do
i need something to blame
you want someone to use
you want someone to hate
so we find ourselves in our old ways

we had a chance at
being very decent people
in the past

and let it go to let the good times last

Aug 2020 · 71

modern lohengrin

n Aug 2020

modern lohengrin

this is the first wedding i've ever attended where i have to pick out a formal mask

to look good for the pictures and not **** the grandparents

Aug 2020 · 74

the romantic bum confides in the pidgeons

n Aug 2020

the romantic *** confides in the pidgeons

no my heart's fine, but i think she broke my liver

Aug 2020 · 79

camarones en chipotle

n Aug 2020

camarones en chipotle

there's a certain kind of privilege in the shame of ordering sea food at a mexican restaurant after walking away from a fight

feel the sting on your cheek but know there's no mark

to look in a man's eyes and see a child begging to be punished

embers of a soul longing to be stomped out.

here over the amber bricks on the back patio baked by the sun

somehow you lose your appetite

Aug 2020 · 103

how the millennials killed baseball

n Aug 2020

how the millennials killed baseball

at some point a few of us found our own sport

pick a leisurely sunday afternoon
sunny, clear skys, 98 degrees

when the birds won't shut the **** up

wake up shaking and nauseous
run a cool shower with the lights off

curl up in a ball blocking the drain
and watch the water rise

Aug 2020 · 54

taste

n Aug 2020

taste

what an awkward way to say "i love you"

you show up in dreams unannounced
and hide in the tastes in the back of our mouths

last nights drink, a forgotten meal
familiar fades to stale and then it's bitter

i guess i should learn to brush my teeth

no one asked for that apology
just lend us your voice every once in a while

Aug 2020 · 81

change shortage

n Aug 2020

change shortage

hey kid,

you're gonna have to pour that slushie out.

i know it will go to waste but we can't take cash

we need exact change
not just change

not that much change
that's way too much

no, we need the right change

the change my boss wants

https://youtu.be/gBn6w5BSxjs

Aug 2020 · 77

untitled

n Aug 2020

untitled

the hardest part of losing parasites is shedding your own blood

Jul 2020 · 63

ego

n Jul 2020

ego

the ego is either me
a myth
or a myth of me

i don't know who i'm fighting
or who i'm fighting for

but when you always find me
and call on darkest nights

i wonder what which of us is hiding
and what we're hiding from

Jul 2020 · 69

gas money

n Jul 2020

gas money

the cold kiss of concrete
the rain in july
your soft sigh of relief
as you empty your mind

you made me a liar
when you dressed us in white
thought acting like angles
could *** us a ride

you said drive me to heaven
don't mind the lights
lets miss these long mornings
for the rest of our lives

Jul 2020 · 59

really?

n Jul 2020

really?

you're trying to tell me
there's actions to my consequences?

Jul 2020 · 77

lottery

n Jul 2020

lottery

despite this disease,
the jackpot's at 62 million

*113 million

Jun 2020 · 66

hammer

n Jun 2020

hammer

i  saw this kid outside my house,
holding this hammer.

he asked me if i had cash.

i  said "no".

he said "your pocket knife won't save you".

i  didn't have a pocket knife,
so he just walked away.

up the street some kids lit off fireworks.

i  stopped to watch.

"did you hear grace baptist just raffled off an ar-fifteen?"

all i've got is this hammer.

Jun 2020 · 57

know & no

n Jun 2020

know & no

i saw this on a sign today so i know it can also be spelled:

know justice. know peace.

Jun 2020 · 66

wishful thinking

n Jun 2020

wishful thinking

it'll never happen, but if it did;

wouldn't it be nice if our protests became parades?

Jun 2020 · 52

space

n Jun 2020

space

it's not just the sun that lets us live but our distance from it.

May 2020 · 58

price in full

n May 2020

price in full

hey
it's not alright
but it'll be fine
just give it some time
god knows you've tried

but you
still got all this debt
the borrowed lines
and bummed cigarettes

if you paid your price in full
what would be left

the hum
of telephone wires
been drowning us out
half of out lives

the truth
its kiss is a knife
get out of my room
get out of my mind

i went and paid my price in full
you say it wasn't in time

May 2020 · 82

good as gone

n May 2020

good as gone

every day
i wake up and beg and pray
for a better offer

when it fades
i wait and lay and lay in wait
for the rising water

and in my dreams
you've been screaming at me for too long

so it seems
that this future's as good as gone

in my pockets
this withered window to the world
casts my reflection

it only echos
all the things you've always heard
of the last election

May 2020 · 47

untitled

n May 2020

untitled

it's rare for me to wake up without some feeling of sickness. the lingering substance i'd use to borrow pleasure from the morning to get me through the night. but somehow i woke up in a world where i am passively hiding from an invisible disease. the news comes from the same screens i use to earn my salary.

i know i have been withdrawing from the world. but now i watch the world withdraw from me. we can no longer stand in a room together out of fear of the toxic air we can breath. and now the music i would hear from my friends comes through that same screen.

somewhere in the chunks of this bile are pieces of myself. the telephone wires hum faintly as the cars pass by.

May 2020 · 59

credits

n May 2020

credits

the only way to truly end a story is to **** all the characters.

— The End —