There will be good times

And there will be bad times

We're having the time of our lives.

It's out there
Or maybe it's in here already
Waiting on a door handle
In a hello
In the air I breathe
I breathe
That is my right
I will breathe if I want to.
Except it doesn't know patience
It doesn't know anything
It doesn't have anything
But the need to exist
And if it kills me
Or itself, it will just shrug.
The worst kind of enemy.
So I take it back to a room
With curtains and a bed
I am allowed that much
And bread and water
Left by someone ouside my door
I hear their feet hurrying away
The world is moving away from me.
And all night and the next day
For as long as it takes
My hands will be around its throat
And its around mine
As we stare into each others' bulging eyes
Me, remembering life
It, trying to imagine survival
And suddenly it does know something
That I am all it's got.
And in the morning
Shapes file quietly into the room
And I start to recognize faces.
They prise my fingers away
From around the rotting corpse's neck
Then kick it under the bed
You did it, they say.
You won.
This time.

There is a chill in the air
Time to dust off
My battered old coat
The one I wore when I saw
You, really saw you
In all your majesty
In all your finery
In all the regal splendour
Of your soul
When you walked with me for a while
And that was just the start of it
Through rain and sleet and snow
You name it, we walked through it
No ****.
Those were the golden miles.
And in the pocket when you first
Held my hand on a frosty evening
I found some loose change
And a sweet wrapper
And a scrap of hope
Rolled up in a scrap of love
In a scrap of paper
A note to self
It reads something like this
It wasn't meant to end like this.

The time travellers are always there
But will only be visible to our earthly eyes
At the end times.
Which feels like now.
Until the lights change
We are a captive audience
But the seven trumpets
Sound more like pneumatic drills.
Why did we come this way?
Weren't the signs clear enough?
We could have gone a longer way round
Even risked getting lost.
Are we going to be here forever?
They shake their heads
Grin at our impatience
Knowing none of this really matters
If they can't fill in
The hole in the sky.

The city is a circus tonight
Panic rife as we glimpse
The ghosts of animals.
A few time keepers
Escape the mêlée;
They screech into the road
And rush inside before the authorities spot them.
Their front doors slamming shut seem to answer
Something impanted in their heads,
A morbid roll call.
And every fifteen seconds
The wailing ambulance siren,
As welcome as a loudspeaker
Telling us when to eat and sleep.
My neighbour didn't make it back yet
His dinner is going cold;
His wife's face has just turned to stone.

In days not long after hopscotch
Stories of wild parties began emerging
Of music played too loud
Friends holding hands
And cider, invented by older boys.

With your long flowing hair and flashing smile
You were always the first to be asked
And I watched from a safe distance
Fascinated by the circle you drew,
Thinking that you had never even noticed me.

Until the day that changed my life.
Preceded by whispers and giggles
I received your invitation, as if one was ever needed
To meet up after school in the Block B Chemistry lab.

The room was dimly lit,
There was a Bunsen burner hissing romantically in the corner
And a spotlight on the desk where you sat,
Surrounded by phials and corked flasks.

Measuring, pouring, mixing, stirring
I had no idea what it was possible to create
As I stood, spellbound, watching over your shoulder
Not knowing how far to go on a first date.

These are the brave gentle speeches
No-one wanted to make,
Unscripted pauses
Openly challenge our dignity
Intrude on private silences.
But when they are all said
And drinks, laced with bitter, sweet tears
Are toasted away forever,
Guests arriving as strangers
Exchange addresses and promise to keep in touch
Before filing quietly away as friends
To renew their day
Like children with no understanding
Of why some remain
And others are suddenly taken away.
Weeds are not allowed in the little garden
Where flowers are lovingly watered in
For where a man lies buried
Memories can only begin.