Some days you feel lucky and blessed
Other days confused and depressed
And then there this certain days you are totally lost
Whether is it worth it or not
Everything else is meaningless

It is those days I question life itself
am I  benefiting?
What is the purpose?
What is my role?
When it stops, does it even matter?
Is it going towards a certain goal?

To be fair, those days do not come so often
On normal days, miracles you see
You feel love, joy, sadness and peace
You wonder upon simple creations
And you are content
But it’s those certain days that…

Hapi Isles was what my country once called before the civil unrest.
Referred to as the most friendliest people in the south pacific.

we so are so friendly in fact that we told our western allies, never mind cleaning up your World II mess. Just leave the bombs, guns, machines and junks as a way of thank you for saving our lives. Right?

like our normal phrase "Set, Set,  Tagio Tumas"(all Good and Thank very Much)

80 year later here you are at my  shore remembering your loved ones who were lost 80 years ago. and i will continue to bury my people as times goes.

as we are living on a ticking Bomb, an uncertainty of when the Bombs will explode.

crossroads, tunnels, mazes
I found, myself lost
in myself...

a little girl looking out
in a woman's eye

trying so hard but
too weak for this world..

I am lost, lost inside
myself

I dreamt of you last night
my forbidden fruit

it was so perfect that
I woke up smiling

"mucha bela chacha
kare uhlo uhlo
moko mae meka
vaka tepe mae suragha ni hoi"

"sleep my child
do not cry
or else the
white man ship
will come and take you"

sweet life isn't a piece of cake

I was glass glazed momentarily staring at an old picture
I found in an old box
I looked so tiny, as I stood beside my two brothers and older sisters
while mum and dad stood at the background.
tears starts dripping down as I look at our faces, we were so happy that our happiness was captured in a moment
it all seems like anything is possible

Wait, you said
so I waited 30 years
even though I see your
children grown into adults

dear MUM,

it takes me being a MOM to truly understand
and I love you

56 years you knew the world
half a century to be her friend
she gave you love and joy
with laughter and sadness

as the days swiftly passes by
you become tired and slow
she patiently follow your pace

until one day she came along
but you are no longer here
she silently knew and mourns
for you, like her other friends
she also lost along the way

I hear you even though
I never tell

I see you the way
you see yourself
willful but innocent

I know your pain
because I felt it too

if I have the power
we'll be somewhere
safer and happier

I will never grow weary, with you it has been a adventure
night  and day

we both understand that being in love
is a constant battle
we argued, insulted each other and break our own hearts
it is the burden of being born in the world we do not choose

I accepted your scars like you did mine
and it is enough for us to watch our children
grow

if I hold your hand and it is old and grey,
then I am satisfied we have come this far

???????
!!!!!!!!!
@@@@
??????
!!!!!!!!

I wanted to tell you
that it is my fault

I really wanted to tell you
but kept it in vault

those times you got high
hiding within you  
while mum and dad argued  
I saw you but kept quite

I should have led you
any where but home
but I could not

we were both young
now it is too late
your an addict and I am
destroyed by guilt

you asked me to tell you
reasons why I love you
I replied I can not,
but I do hope you look
deep in eyes and see my
soul longing for you

there is a tree outside the window
where I work
when I looked out I see it  everyday
I often wonder what its past life
had been like the past years

if I speak to it will it tell me secrets
it heard along the years
will it tell me stories about life
when I do not even exist
will it tell me that once lovers
meet under its shades

I often wonder a lot because
now when you see the tree
it is bare as bare can be
it  no longer have beautiful leaves
as all its branches are dead

but yet you will see it standing
tall and proud above all
other young trees around it

one day I know if I look out
I will not see this tree but I hope
this tree knows that I love seeing it
everyday

anger has aged me
I need a new skin
so I am peeling off
these dry skins
caused by pain and
hate

i give and give
while you take with no end

i would not for an hour nor a minute
but for a second

would appreciate a thank you
for me to know my self worth

somehow beyond
somehow yonder
now will be a history
a lesson learnt to
treat nature more kindly

glancing into nothingness
my mind wandering off somewhere
I sometimes see my little self
playing and laughing joyously

I looked across the road, I saw this girl
And I thought she’s wearing weird clothes  
He is be side  me also stared  
He thought she is pretty

The old man beside me saw her too
And wondered what his daughter is doing right now
The little girl standing besides
  sees her and said, she looks sad.

kan gura kuum bere pule raka
sa shea via pa soloso pia???
hita va lengu tinoni hua
tintogha san hua Gngana

raka chinoko
kani shea taku raka
pa soloso pia
chinoko kani noro

if I speak I always fail
to truly express what
I actually think

I wish you could read my
mind or there exists a place
to establish a link

sometimes I'm frustrated
because what I say did not
hit the brink

so I apology in writing
because its hard to speak

i hate you
for not knowing
how i feel

i hate you
for seeing
you everyday

i hate you
for feeling'
this way

i hate you
for believing
that you feel
the same

I can not get over
your shy smile

way you look over
knowingly

I am head over
heels

falling for you

locked so tight
keys thrown away

keeps you awake
afraid to talk in your sleep

cycle of selfness
never stops
others are things
self first serve
loving thyself
more significant
till self burst
others are there
to pick up the rot
self consumed

people hurting people every second
we are all self center in our own ways
doing and willing to do what ever benefits us either
indirectly or directly
never ever considering those we hurt to achieve
what we want

sometimes we need to stop amid this hustle and see
clearly that not everyone is running our race
look with their eyes some are just struggling to live for a day

we are not all privileged and hard heart-ted, some are too fragile that it only takes a whisper of harshness to crumble

yes, you might be a familiar face, a authority or my friend but it never gives you the right to over stay your due.

people we look, eat and sleep the same but remember we are all wired differently.

I hate your flattery words
because your intentions are not afar
than mine
making it more difficult to keeping
it cool

the constant struggle of
seeking warmth for  your cold
and empty heart just for a second
hoping for someone to hear your wonderful ideas
just for a second
waiting for the hand  to wipe the tears
just for a second
And it all hurts , struggling to be noticed

closing my eyes
means seeing you
waking up means
you are not mine

life intended that I
cannot have you

the spirit world is
beckoning and there
will I go knowing
you are waiting

running out of words to pen
fingers itching to type
but words refuses fuse

ever wondered upon thy neighbors
pains, struggles  and dreams

their constant troubles and insight about
life

ever wondered before given your opinions
which are short sighted and self bias

or are we comfortable walking in shoes
that are not rightly fit

there is a familiarity I feel towards that old house.
With broken windows, cracked walls, dusty hallways and
loose boards.I sense it sighing when the wind blows, almost like
it will crumble.

Seeing the old house makes me feel this tag in my heart. so strong that my heart sunk and a deep ache rushes all over. a tear would drop at first and a next. And I always end up crying.

there is familiarity I feel towards that old house by road. and I  must take the short cut today.

crawling into the darkness of unknown
screaming at the top of my voice
hearing only the sigh of pain and despair
holding on to the past that no longer exist
my body eking with the odor of fear
hoping for just a shed of light to appear

there is nothing new
every seconds past
is recycled for the future

past
          innocence

                             present
                                       frustration

                                                          Future
                                                                         unknown

My vessel is old
yet my souls yearns
for childhood comforts
tangled in the past

I am tired and a step
further is just painful
memories a more fonder
then the future ahead

"Tagio hola"(thank you)
for reading and commenting
for writing inspiring, sometimes weird
and head cracking poems.

I will be leaving this safe haven where
our thoughts are free to roam. I do not
know when I will be back.

keep doing what you all are doing
let it out there is always someone who
can relate. be safe and always be kind
the world is cruel as it is.

AS in my native language, "leana hola"
(Goodbye)