Our crop failed another year.
Naught grows in dust and wind.
I'm weak with thirst and hunger
and have no more tears left.
I can bear doing without.
My hungry child's desperate
eyes bring me to a brink I never
knew existed. I'm perched on it.

Church choir grabs my heart and soul.
My anger disappears. I reach for all
your hands to help me to Monday's
challenge to help my child die easy.

As I ascend to the heaven of her shot
  I think of your taste and smell and
  almost get an *******. Blood flows in
  veins of her creation. I almost love
  you more than ******. I did in rehab but
  it seems so long ago now we die together.

Let Kellee live. Take her cancer
and if it needs to be someplace put
it it in me. I've spent most of life.
All I have is loose change and she
needs Time. It's Yours to give.
Just do me this favor, God?
I see. You don't do favors and
she dies. Why bother with God?

I pray on my knees every night
to my plastic Jesus bleeding on
his made in China plastic cross.
My world is ***** and pillaged.
I still believe church and state will
jail the guilty and save us fools.

I was obsessed with you back then.
I can't remember your naked body
or eyes or voice that was music or
your fragrance or thighs and all.
You're a lovely piece of memory.
I miss the rest of you. I loved you.

I'm hurt that no one ever thought
  highly enough about me to steal
  my identity. I wouldn't want to
  but I know how boring it all is.
  I'm not rich. I'm married to Jane.
  She's complex. She's wonderful and
  horrid. She's just like me. Complex.
  We bend. We roll our eyes. We see
  our flaws and ignore them anyway.
  Who wouldn't steal this identity?

I've traveled on this grey ribbon
since I was born looking for my destiny
following my heart and biology to God
knows where. We're beasts we don't know
with desire we fear and love we need.
The herd moves on. I die alone in night.

It ticks and tocks the second hand
on the wall counting in jazz rhythm
my slow but constant disappearance
from this to that behind the mirror.
I've never felt solid. I may be a ghost
from the start. I slept with many angels.

I'm an old man with my young man memories
  that would make a ***** blush after all.
  Lots of ***** and naked and *** and more
  was how it unfolded and I loved them all
  and still do. I know I can't reach back to
  say hello. Some of them blame me for their
  unfulfilled lives with empty wombs but I
  can't save me and can't save them after all.

I left my love on the subway for
a stranger stole my heart with
glances and smiles and good vibes.
I'll marry her tonight in my dreams.

If I were a younger me
I'd steal you from your
so called life and show
you how we could live
without the fences. Lust
would be our guide to an
ending we'd always regret.
The wonders we'd know on
the way would be worth it.
Grand kids would never forget.

If you and I were in the vicinity
of the same age I'd invite you to
get coffee. It's an invite to be lovers
but now I'm just a ***** old man.

If I were a younger me
I'd steal you from your
so called life and show
you how we could live
without the fences. Lust
would be our guide to an
ending we'd always regret.
The wonders we'd know on
the way would be worth it.
The kids would never forgive.

If I could be remembered for
the rest of time we have on Earth
I would never be a savior nailed
onto billions of walls in rooms on
a plastic crucifix. I'd be a simple
man with a message of import
that seems to always be lost in
time. Treat others as you would
like to be treated. Protect the
weak from cruel monsters.

If I could die for you I would.
I see you withered from cancer.
You're young with youngsters
and I'd be you in a firing squad.
I'm spent and ready for blindfolds
and a shot in the heart. I wish.

Free! I won't have to walk the dogs.
I won't have to put the garbage out.
I won't worry if I can sleep or not.
Am I a drunk? Doesn't matter now.
The guilt that hangs heavy like moss
from the branches of my soul is gone.

Would you believe my I Love You?
If I made promises to quit ***** and
quit destroying Christmas and the
kid's birthday and our date night
can you ever believe me? I can't.
I'll never be sober again.
Will we ever make love again?

It clicks and clacks beneath my fingers.
  Letters make words make lines make poetry.
  I love and hate and lob grenades in foxholes
  you hide in when we're fighting. I'm drunk
  and dangerous pieces of truth ooze out of
  my dangerous mouth I can't control. I'll
  sleep and wake blinking in dismay and wish
  I had a weapon to click and clack beneath
  my fingers to write my despair and love.
  Can we forgive another day? Try again?

I'm a ****** Romantic.
I keep falling in love.
I've been through Love's
terrible pain forever.
I'm 71 but pheromones
spin their magic and I
can't stop wanton desire.
Susan is my target tonight.

I meet you over and over again.
We're perfect together then not.
I like the cut of your jib until I don't.
My Medusa the curly haired
realtor with ******* beckoning.
I eat you up and suicide again.
Ella with daddy issues is a love
I had long ago. We **** and suicide.

I killed my God by mistake.
I thought He was all powerful.
He made everything I loved
a sin. My sins piled up so fast.
I thought I could confess fast
and keep the curve flat but it
became a huge mountain
and my guilt buried us both.

Familiarity breeds contempt.
How can we stay together?
I adored you. Now I don't.
You adored me but not now.
We're tangled up in living.
I can't leave anymore.
I can't start over again.
The Valentine in my shirt
won't last much longer.
I'll finally die on time.

I had no idea it was happening.
      The world caught fire and I blinked.
      My skin smelled like cooked meat.
      I was hungry and couldn't help myself.
      When I came to strapped down I thought
      I had died. I talked to you tomorrow.
      We spoke of beaches and sand and sun
      and salt that we would visit yesterday.

If my life is a mosaic of people
I meet, no matter if a lover or
a waitress taking my order, then
it's my universe every inch along.
They disappear as death takes pieces
of the puzzle. I lost people, I'm less.

I think your synapses and wires and circuits
are state of the art. Your beauty is flawless.
You're a '57 Chevy with a 4 in the floor and
a V8 engine that screams along the highways.

We met in an airport bar on our ways to who
cares anyway? We fell in love and cancelled
flights and left it all to the carrion eaters.
The circus was in town. We went and never left.

I live day shifts. You live night shifts.
   Lovers living through different lives.
   We have a grown girl and dogs and a cat.
   I want more and you want more. Goodbye.

I look the same day to day like the
dogs and cat and cereal and toast.
I wake a stranger every day afraid
of different outcomes with unknown
villains plotting my demise. You are
the only constant in this universe.
You are my sword and armor and
resolve. You are my Bedlam with
restraints and pills and cruel men
with straitjackets for my comfort.
Strength is deep inside us all.
It's our ever present Hallelujah.

I don't crave attention like other poets.
    I couldn't care less about your opinions.
    You never read my poems anyway. Too long
    or short or blah been done to death yeah.
    I never was published and I'll die on a toilet
    in black and white like Elvis. I'm just you.

She took my order at a drive thru.
She asked if I wanted the meal deal.
She helped me find a book on gods
of Greece at the library.
God's timid, humble doesn't
want to show off. He vents
with thunder and lightening.
He reminds us hurricanes and
tornadoes are His creations.
I met God at an AA meeting
at my bottom. He said  we all
have ups and downs and don't
despair. There's always love
waiting for us in dark shadows.

The clocks all move backwards. tock tick.
My skin is parchment and my heart beats
in slumber quiet as a mouse.
I might have died last night.
I was old and palsy struck. I don't
think anyone is ever ready to die.

My life is smoke from years ago I
can't remember with clarity.
The feelings are sharp as razors.
I miss everyone and everything.
******* my lap was fire in my ****.
I'm still in love with that poker card
with my first time you know what.
I miss time past. I'll miss time wasted.

I lie like a five year old. I'm 71.
     I'm like the freaking beacon of truth.
     I can't eat anything that died in pain.
     When I **** we both lie dead and squirm.
     Never cheat at war or tax returns. Always
     pay parking tickets and buy tags for pets.

can we ever know?
are we really here?
we write our poetry
and stories and tales
as if a universe cares
about incidental atoms,
dust mites, extinction.
goodbye, dear friends.

I'm 71 and want another lover
who can drink my wine and laugh
at my jokes and dance in the dark
while I kick her shins and hold her tight
and she shares the smell of her hair
and we lie naked in bed and ****
like teens and never act our age.
I'm an absolute beginner and I'll
love you forever. Just keep smiling
then there's nothing more I need.

I drool wearing the crown
and a bunch of people dry
my chin. I must matter but
I have no idea why. I just
want to blow stuff up. I have
cannons I aim at France and
order them fired and clap
and laugh at silly wars.

Maybe it's my insecurity or your indifference.
We pretended as long as we could but our true
selves had to break out from the masquerade.
Bared **** at the party. Wasn't that my show?

I've seen a universe in my bedroom.
   In a ray of sun it looked like dust
   but I saw an order in the chaos and
   knew 6 Alcott was on a speck of dust.

It's unjust, mistaken, rained upon the lambs.
  They're all innocent. I own each ounce of anger.
  Brutality lurks just beneath my smile.
  I inherited my war broke dad's rage as my own.
  I keep it at bay best I can. Addiction is my lover.
  She holds me. She calms me. She makes me forget.

You planted your red rose in my heart
    and I was in love with you. It's all that
    matters. We bleed all over everything
    from thorns but being in love saves us.

War requires absolute insanity.
  Suspend every decent thing you
  learned growing up. You must ****
  a man or woman or child. Anonymous
  means guiltless. They're the enemy.
  ***** and carry on. It gets easier.

I'm invisible. I'm inevitable.
I'll snake my way through the
veins you hide with sleeves
and excuses when you shoot.
You'll disappear in crumbs
left to pay your way to dust.

Thin lipped men without souls
    in million dollar suits with
    thousand dollar ****** steal
    livelihoods of working stiffs.
    Inside the DC beltway they feed
    on governments' billion teats.

I gave you my heart but
    knew you couldn't keep it.
    I'm still expecting you to
    hold on to Love to a finish
    line that doesn't even exist.
    I set fire again and never look
    back. I smell the burning
    flesh. I hear familiar screams.
The burning flesh is mine alone.
The screams are in my head.

I want to love you
again like before.
We were kids. ***
was our gift. We
had no use for food.
We only wanted more.

When you dig scarce ice cubes
   from the water logged cooler
   it's close to bedtime. Take one
   more shot of courage to face
   one more tomorrow and do it
   all again as if you mean it.

He makes me feel inadequate.
I'll never measure up so **** it.
Like a mother who hates how you
make your bed and does it over
every time and I start to see the
cracks in her shell and the madness
that finally brings her to her knees;
visits to a shrink to put her back how
she used to be but the puzzle is short
of pieces and nothing ever seems right.

I still remember your naked *******
   and the smell of my hand in your jeans
   and youth's innocence lost. You were old
   beyond your years. You tamed my beast.
You wanted me to be your first.
I was lost to you in the sunlight.

I'm almost 71 years old.
I'm lost in a changing world.
I still have hope for progeny.
I still believe in True Love,
Santa Claus and happy endings.
I don't think I'll ever really die.

There's a terrible storm in my heart.
    It's fire and ice. There's no in between.
    Love memories and dead ones. I laugh and cry.
    I live the best I can in the middle of it
with vultures always in my sky.
How I wish for you today, Preston.