I want pleasure. Mother's milk
and rock me gently to dreams.
I want laughter and kisses and
wine and lovers dancing naked
in midnight's full moon who
make me think I matter.

She seems so real and perfect
  I want to be with her forever.
  Don't take an ice pick to my brain.
  Please don't make me better. Let us
  live our wonderful life in my head.
  Why ruin true love as rare as it is?

It's like holding your own heart.
Doubt beats metronome like in me.
I've never seen a miracle.
It's fiction, not fact.
My fables faded over time.
Santa died. Easter Bunny died.
Tooth fairy died. Mommy died.
Love finally died inside doubt.

The plans are everywhere. How to
   live the American Dream. Be born
   on her soil in projects or mansions.
   Tame your anger like a stallion and
   ride it hard chasing the dream forever
   until you rope and tie it. Live it.

These nuthouses are full of
   sad stories. My heart bleeds for
   our circumstance. Sad is all.
   When they asked about you I said
   she's right as rain, a perfect wife.
   They said you were dead.  They lied
   and put me in a room full of dark.
   Bury her in my shadow if you find it.

I was obsessed with you back then.
I can't remember your naked body
or eyes or voice that was music or
your fragrance or thighs and all.
You're a lovely piece of memory.
I miss the rest of you. I loved you.

I'm your king.
I wear your crown of thorns.
My throne is broken hearts.
My scepter is lovers' lies.
I wear a robe of bruises.
My kingdom is your heartbeat.

Where are the accolades?
One more beer and I'm Yeats.
Another **** I'll be Frost.
If I die on tour in NYC I'm Dylan.

I was searching for TP at Walmart.
I turned into the frozen aisle and my
heart told me this woman in this flowing
revealing dress was the reason I was born.

Life is indifferent to our pain.
It weaves too many tales to know
when our heart breaks or pet dies.
You care about me. I care about you.
We're small gods on our tiny altars.
We share tears and laughter and grave.

They trust our blind allegiance to their lies.
    We will bury them with their own arrogance.
    Forget your petty differences with the world.
    We're in a lifeboat, the Titanic ******* us down.

I'm lost in the dark ink black room.
  A single candle lights my way as I
  walk from room to room looking for
  broke levers or jammed gears of fear.
  A tiny flame tries to die in the wind.
  My psyche is vast, with desire and sin.

This old poet poses with his worn out lines.
     Tender poetry of youth and love's beginnings,
     faltering steps beyond puberty's uncertainty.

     I've pounded my love on typewriters, each letter
     has a part to play in this drama with a weight
     all its own. Smash a key and it opens old wounds.

I'm 71 tomorrow and I'm losing ground.
I still run but slow. I lift less weight.
I know we die in increments. I don't want
to live forever and watch my friends die.
I'll take my turn and go on time. I hope
to see Bailey settled in her own nest.

We hunger for our own kind.
    Ordinary people touch us not.
    I yearn for the broken and bent
    like me. We color outside lines.
    We are on a spectrum invented by
    some cog in the wheel of boring.

We're on the beach while
   the sun surrenders the horizon
   to the Harvest moon.
   I'm stunned by the display.
   My world is swallowed by
   saints who sin for sinners.

I used to believe what they said,
but I finally grew up.
People are full of **** and say
anything that will get them laid.

Plague has shut the world down.
Everyone is suspect. Family and
friends and dogs and cats are lethal.
Move to lonely and sad and live alone.

I sit on the castle wall drunk.
I tilt left and right and back and forth.
I'm Humpty Dumpty the big egg.
My destiny is to fall and break.

Do you know the answer?
Do you even know the question?
We're all just dumb beasts of burden
when all is said and done.
I want pleasure where I find it.
I'll pay the wages of sin for it.
I'll betray Christ for the silver
or hand God to the atheists for
an hour with a pipe or needle.
Don't hate me for my addictions.

I loved each of you with all my heart.
     You were my fierce light in the dark
     corridor that is my life. I treasure
     each touch, smile and secret we shared.
     You were my favorite. You always are.
     You were all just as broken as I was.

Help! On a deserted island.
I desperately need toilet paper.
A bottle of scotch would be welcome.
Carol from junior prom please.

The sun looks angry today.
Harsh shadows are everywhere.
Winds are kicking up and fires are
running wild. Pity the wildlife.
Abandon your homes in the hills
and hope the brave can save you.

Everybody struggles.
Rich, poor or in between.
Some have everything.
Some have nothing.
We all fight our demons
and suffer in our own hell.

Laborers in ties tending computers.
  9th floor and paper airplanes out
  the window. Benny Boo night shift
  games with Joe and Rick and Bill.
  Candy machine our pinata. We clutch
  our essence desperate not to be cogs.

Buildings stand shoulder to shoulder
  like giants ready for battle.
  The rich live in ivory towers. The rest live
  in concrete boxes in this city of extremes.
  Our hearts beat faster. Our desires burn hotter.
  We live with blind eyes and silent protest as
  atheists **** God with science and formulas
  while we light candles and put coins in a box.

The clocks all move backwards. tock tick.
My skin is parchment and my heart beats
in slumber quiet as a mouse.
I might have died last night.
I was old and palsy struck. I don't
think anyone is ever ready to die.

We were giddy with the promise of war,
adventure of a lifetime after all.
We were boys on men's threshold.
We saw our generation explode in
****** mist and die like fish on shore
with the mustard gas. Broken men
returned home and never
could love or forgive again.

Zoot suit, straight jacket, Tuxedo.
We are what we wear.
Rock, paper, scissors.
Hoodlum, insane, sophisticated.
Prison, asylum, penthouse.
*****, *****, ****.

I've fought this war with me in
  flooded rat infested trenches
  I die in me over and over and
  all I see is barbed wire blood.
  I want victory but will accept
  a truce. Pride tears me apart.

Don't bother. I'll just break my own heart.
I always do what's necessary to keep me in
misery.  I'm just a country music song.
Pickup and boots and flask and goodbye!

I drop my frozen tears into
my cup of wine for comfort.
I pray for your soul and visit
you often at your grave to
share gossip and heal my
heart just one more time.

She always had a place in her heart just for me.
  I don't know why but she never judged me. She had
  me and my ***** wife stay at her mansion open arms.
  She knew things about my life I was too young to know.
  My war torn father had PTSD anger I was too young for.
  She was gentle and kind. She knew things I never knew.

You seem to hate me. Have we met?
  You call me horrible names and wish
  me dead. I'm not a ****. Have we met?
  I reach out. bjdonovan50@hotmail.com
  Dare to touch my soul and talk to the
  devil you think I am. Let's be friends.

Grandma taught me everything I know
    that really matters. Irish to her boots.
    She was kind to everyone, never spoke
    ugly and took me to special places.
    We took the El to the track. She showed
    me ways to win and ways to lose.
    We stopped for ice cream before we
    went to her bar full of friends.
    They all fussed over me and filled me
    to my top with Cherry Cokes.
    I never saw such happy people again.
    We caught the last train home and
    she tucked me in bed and kissed me night.
    She said life's a pie full of comedy and
    tragedy. Eat it all and you'll die happy.
    She died. I laughed when I kissed her bye.

Maybe it's my insecurity or your indifference.
We pretended as long as we could but our true
selves had to break out from the masquerade.
Bared **** at the party. Wasn't that my show?

Sister ******

    Strung out full of needle marks
    still proud defiant and sneering
    with black teeth and bag of bones
    you say "*******". So I go away.
    I come back in the morning. You're
    gone to emergency or morgue? I try
    to find you for our kids' sake. We love
    you but we can't compete with ******.

They were bigger than life
  and moved mountains to bend
  time and possibility for a
  future we never imagined.
  They're long gone but we
  still know e=mc2. We all
  orbit around sun and God
  might or might not be dead.

Crown of bobby pins and bandana,
   she hoists a beer bottle scepter,
   dime store paste royal necklace,
   moth holed sweater Queen's cape,
   her well worn lawn chair throne.
   She keeps watch from  her tower,
   surveys her realm on Alcott Lane.
   Nothing escapes the queen's watch.

I still see you in the garden
strong and bent over tearing
weeds from the fragile flowers
keeping our children safe.
We're Jews in Berlin in 1938.
A dragon's breath is on our necks.
A crooked cross beckons to nail
us to some wooden hatred.

I was born in the deepest winter storm.
Made by God's own children I was packed
strong and given heart and brain and courage.
I was destined for great things but couldn't move.
I knew the meaning of life and was God's voice.
I was mute and by summer I was forgotten.

Coney Island, Cincinnati

   You were glorious and spectacular
   more fun than a barrel of monkeys
   a thrill a minute with roller coasters
   and Ferris wheels and side shows, cotton
   candy and near beer to persuade dates
   to the tunnel of love and a kiss or 2.
  
   Now the splendor is just rusted iron
   and rotted wood and peeling paint and
   graffiti and broken windows. We live
   old and fat and bald in misery we got
   used to long ago. We ride this Beast in
   terror and thrills to our bitter ends.

Time
Space
Gravity
Appetites
Addictions
Scars
Broke bones
and hearts
History
Trapped in a body
Caged in a mind

I have nightmares and dreams.
  I hope for the best and fear the worst.
  I'm just one of God's creatures in a zoo
  called my mind. Walls everywhere I can't
  go beyond. Gravity, time, our biology
  keep me inside my tiny world tethered
  to my appetites. Will death set me free?
 I live again in nightmares and dreams.

Life's a carnival, a festival and
    a tragedy and comedy in one pie.
    It's a terrifying and wild roller coaster
    and that first time in the deep end
    when you thought you'd never find
    another breath but did. It is lost
    time in the bumper car ride at Coney.
    It's kissing grandma's corpse goodbye.

You want to see naked truths?

    Look into the sun.
    War makes billionaires.
    Puppet dictators make billionaires.
    Slave wages make billionaires.
    Addictions make billionaires.
    Bought politicians make billionaires.

    Look into the moon.
    Most of us are fools
    who live by rules.
    We wear denim and flannel
    and pray to God Almighty.
    We buy a suit off the rack
    to wear to weddings and dances
    and funerals. We'll be buried in it.
    We eat casseroles and drink cheap beer.
    We stink from the work we do.
    We laugh as hard as anyone, maybe more.
    You'll find us pinching pennies at Walmart.
    We just have one spouse from high school
    and we sleep in the same bed and cuddle.

    Look into the abyss if you can stand it.
    It's pitch black. Blinded by the sun or just
    sick to death of truth's brutality?
Buried in forever midnight.

You broke my heart then
I broke your heart later.
On death's bed do we ask
why love even keeps score?

Noun, adjective and impossible to be is normal.
  It makes us hide our nervous tics and twitches.
  I have panic attacks and breakdowns and need
  pills, ***** and endless lovers to feel normal.
  I see shrinks and dealers for the drugs offered.
  I'm a one trick pony that wears out welcomes.

I knew I'd break again. It was just a matter
of time. The insane monster inside of me
drives me mad. The whole **** thing needs to be
destroyed and buried deep inside my psyche.
We all live with these beasts in our heads. It
whispers, "I don't live normal like everybody".

You bring the casket and I'll
     bring the corpse. Wear black
     and arrive drunk on love.
     We'll drive a Hearse to the
     graveyard and howl at a full
     moon until the 6 foot hole
     demands its sacrifice. We put
     her in easy and sprinkle dirt
     with a prayer and send her away.
     We finally buried the past.