You bury your boys.
  We bury our boys.
  Our tears can never
  bring them back.

  What's the score in war?
  Number of men killed or
  maimed? Which is worse?
  No man returns the same.

  Those at home waiting
  will never know him again.
  He's silent or screams at
  night in dreams of war.

  The children will cringe
  at his cruelty he hates
  but never understands.
  It's war's carrion breath.

******'s sin is mine alone.
  She never understood her power.
  Bubble gum puffy *******
  I desired her perfect flower.

  Her mother died to save her
  but she saved me instead.
  We went to my bed for comfort,
  that night she finally bled.

  ****** floats wild on the wind
  her cheap perfume my seduction.
  She died birthing our sin and
  caused my Eden's destruction.

I'm on a cusp of life or death.
     Not quick like suicide, more
     subtle.  Life's habits can be
     harsh on these bodies we've been
     gifted.  Treat it like a church or
     carnival side show. It's our choice.

     Alcohol is weakness or strength
     depending on one's point of view.
     My lab results raised grave concerns
     about my physical well being.
     I'd died long ago when I lost her.
     I knew that I'd regret my choice.

     The truth is when good and bad are
     placed upon the scale of God
     I believe it will favor my good.
     What brought me here was sadness.
     Joy died long ago when I lost her.
     Forgive me for my selfishness.

For birth
for need
for jealousy
for greed
for love
for lust
for envy
for trust
for anger
for hate
for planning
for fate
for breath
for darkness
for death

Why do you always reach out for me
   when you know it's finally too late?
   You leave me living one second at a time
   breathing between heartbeats and dying
   inside broken promises. The things I
   was going to do are never started.

I shoot up and live death awhile.
  I keep dropping dead and come alive
  and die again and death holds the
  best dreams for us living zombies.
  We lose families. We lose ourselves.
  We wish prayers helped or AA or
  sponsors or your heart and soul.
  I dream of our first night *******.

Old Joe's drumming on the pots and pans
    as someone hums a harmony and starts a
    symphony as others join into the noise.
    Soon dancers move into the picture and
    flail about as only the mad can. They
    are perfect in this human zoo. I love
    every scar. We each own every flaw.
    There but for the grace of you go I.

Run away from me first chance.
I'm dangerous. I love you in ways
you've never known. I kiss you in
places you've never been kissed.
I vow to break your crystal heart
I'm your Aphrodite *****
I will be forever missed
you beg on knees for more.

The only one I ever fear
is she who haunts my dreams.
The one who carries my heart.
She loves me more than life.
She knows everything about me.
I'm her world. I'll be her grave.

Attica

At the edge of consequence
razor wire upon the fence
captured in our human cage
heartbeats full of rage
inside we all adjust
to fragile realms of trust
Attica was hearts of stone
Musketeers none left alone.
We swelled in riot as one
beat the guards and won
the right to be heard on TV
passion play on bended knee.
Some died on both sides.
The ending was denied.

We met in a bar called Ulysses.
Our puzzles fit perfectly.
I was your perfect shadow
in your perfect mirror and
you seduced me but forgot
to silence the sirens on shore
who called me to the rocks
love was eaten by a *****.

We watched from a rooftop
across the great city
4 in the morning
lit up and pretty
a little drunk but
mostly just tired
dawn broke and
I was inspired
in central park
we made our bond
you said I love you
now and beyond
I said I love you
you answered ****
love floats in jetsam
drifts in bad luck.

I told you I was broken
you silenced my spoken
word like you were dead
I stared inside your head
and wept at what I saw
the barman said last call
I offered you the drugs
you said you wanted hugs
I said they've sharp edges
you went to find tall ledges.

Each click of the second hand
    validates my life. It's seamless.
    I'm here and now. Maybe not smooth
    as time can be reduced to billionth
    of a second.  Slices of time we can't
    even begin to imagine. An incredible
    number of snapshots! Life continues.
    We desperately try to slow it down,
    somehow tame time.  This a beast we'll
    never defeat. Nothing lasts forever.

Love is a 4 letter word as is ****.
   I've given both like the ***** I am.
   If I were rich I'd buy the sweetest
   wife I ever wanted. I roll poor man's
   dice and live in walk ups with you
   and work a ****** city job bringing
   home the bacon and beer to survive
   panic attacks that last until I sleep.

Now I love low light and shadows.
     Night is my flattering friend who
     understands the ugliness of aging.
     My skin turns purple as my veins
     capture hold on my thinning skin.
     Onion skin. Thin translucent, like
     strong wind could rip it off bones.
     I was a fetching beauty not too long
     ago. Full sun on the beach I had
     men staring agog. I strutted and
     knew they didn't have a chance. I
     decided who would plant their flag.

Coworker on a bus after nightshift
Waltham to Boston. He said he was sick
in a serious way. Doctors baffled and
he feeling worse by the day. I told him
not to worry because he'd be better soon.
They always figure it out. He died. AIDS.
Several years later at an AIDS hospice
I heard the rattled breath at deaths door.
Barely able to hold his cane he stood then
struggled mighty to make it to his grave.

I was desperately drunk and desperately in love.
    I made promises I wouldn't keep. She invited me
    into her garden. I ate forbidden fruit. Nirvana!
    Pains, doubts, anxieties, fears gone instantly.

    The morning after had a sour taste.
    God and priest and nun and catholic world
    collided with our promised land of love.
    We stayed drugged with flesh and defiance.

    Pregnant, we were married in the Church.
    We had our daughter and a son soon after.
    I wish lust didn't fade with time.
    I wandered and became a ******* cliche.

I met the Cheshire cat in
Wonderland chasing Alice
and it disappeared until
I scratched its ear and it
stayed reappeared and
meows in my cups.

I'll drink your poison tonight.
It was not your fault but mine.
Forgive me but you can't because
you don't know how. Maybe in my
mourning I'll nail me to your cross
and die for you one final time.

It scares me how you turn
  your face into a wall
  how you rip your ears off
  when I call
  You turn your lips to stone
  when I try to kiss you when I fall
  in love with you and kneel at your
  feet with ****** knees after I crawl
  your just an old wrinkled crow almost
  forgotten except for your distant caw.

Do you know these people
  dirt poor with joyful eyes?
  No tears or pity asked they
  work hell's cloudless fields
  every meal fatback and beans  
  sharecropper hands of stone.
  Sunday overalls starched go
  to Church praise Jesus, atone.
  Saturday nights there's music
  and moonshine and slow dance
  they give up the ghost midnight
  still clutching in fierce romance.

Light strikes summer night
  brilliant thought is thunder
  we stare out windows to see
  what our minds only wonder.
  A distraction from boredom
  serving our life sentence out
  make love a time or two then
  lightening kills your shout.

Oh what a time we had! Bohemians.
  We drank too much and laughed too
  loud and danced wild into the night.
  We shocked the frozen faced prudes.
  We pulled the sun up, ate croissants
  and slept naked and in love 'til dusk.

Rest easy my loves. I'm at peace.
    I wish that I could take your pain
    and bury it with me. After all
    it's my fault that you feel so bad.
    I never complained in life and I
    swear to God I won't whine in death.
    No more aches and pains. The old corpse
    lies in a hole. My spirit soars above!

We know we are going to die,
just not today or in our sleep.
Pencil it into your Day timer
then you can erase your erase.

It's a lost cause
   broke Santa Claus
   corrupt without pause
   king without *****
   queen without claws
   shark without Jaws
   country without laws
   election full of flaws!

I fall in love easy
with all the others.
Snake hair and *******,
thin as ice I skate on.
We play our parts on cue.
We laugh and cry sculpted.
Life like posed in wax in
Madame Tussaud's museum.

I have no need for any God.
I rule my garret just fine.
I perch on tattered throne
broke springs drink box wine
from a chipped plastic chalice
writing my own drunk scripture
on the back of the final notice
envelope of my certain departure.

I don't pray
per say
I hold hope
in my heart
and do what
I can to help.

I just want some time away
from war and anger in me.
It feels like WW1 in trenches
across no man's land forever
bleeding and crying
going mad in moments
rats wake me chewing
on me and I begin to
just let it go as normal.
I'm no longer myself.

Boston. January. Temperature near zero.
  You had no heat. Naked under covers our
  breath smokes in passion not to be denied
  like a fire breathing dragon called Lust.

I was drowning in drunk minutes
waiting for 10 pm. Bedtime. I held
the minute hand to fight the riptide
and landed in silent seas of dreams
where my torn life is stitched back
like a monster I never understood.

As angels go Dorothy was my favorite!
She knew our talents. She believed.
She helped us believe in ourselves.
She laughed the hardest, she loved us all,
she guided this lost soul into a place of peace.
I miss you very dearly. I miss you most of all.
The scarecrow, tin man and cowardly lion.
We'll see you at the end of the yellow brick road.
Love to our dear friend, Dorothy Rengsdorff.

PTSD ADD OCD ABC XYZ
look in the Shrink's book they
pretend to know our afflictions
catalogued with treatments.
Our despair is hope in hopeless
shadows cast from burning bridges.

In the womb I got drunk
and high on ******'s junk
not even born I'm an addict
the orphanage will predict.
I've tasted and never forget
this **** storm of regret.
Adopt me and my monkey
I'll try clean but we'll see.

Alcohol stole my life.
  It made it all about it.
  It gave me pieces of me
  to juggle like I had a me.

I'm ancient my life
       packed neat in boxes
       in the attic
       by my wife
       for my final heartbeat
       and my burial
       in our plot. Send the lot
       to Goodwill to be forgot.

The music's still sweet and rocks!
  The band has liver spots and jowls.
  Fans on oxygen park in handicap and
  take walkers to their seats. Rock old!

There's a monster
that possesses me
living in my heart
never lets me be.
Angry as a boil
won't set me free.
You promise love
do you have a key?

I write a thousand poems.
  Some good, bad and so so
  and put them in bottles
  in the ocean to be found
  by The New Yorker or
  Harriet Monroe's POETRY.
  It's bad when family flies in.
You know you're almost gone
and it'll be printed in the very
next issue my favorite one.

If I kiss the ring
will I be a thing?
I just want rules
so I'm not a fool.
I'll dance faster
for the Master.
Is it Eliot York?
Timetabled dork?
Do I need to find
a place more kind?

Uh Oh!
The monsters back in town
slow burn alcohol stove
keeps its water boiling
ready to blow this place
to hell any minute now.

Women were dancing with women.
  Men were dancing with men.
  Donkeys were ****** and dogs too.
  Chains kept the whole thing civil.
  Love songs flew over mountains and
  the moon kept a billion secrets.

Each pencil is an arrow, every pen a spear,
     each typewriter key a grenade of "truth".
     Propaganda sways masses where writers steer.
     Who are we to doubt the almighty news?

Hippie times long haired
****** drunk poet
at a party as my second
marriage disintegrates
I came out of the head
naked with a beer.

Every 28 days comes
the red tide we were
gifted as girls our curse.
Our red badge of courage.
Sherry marked his white Levis.
He put a red pen in his pocket.

I'm in my cups at midnight
ready to bury my old bones
in bed once more when she
comes around. Quincy my
cyclops my one eye cat
is up all night fixing
my poems. I never could
find the perfect lines.

Got you worrying from your gate post
to the cane fields. Got you fearing for
your life while the yellow eyed
black beasts stare with hatred at your
whips and ******* cruelty without
an ounce of fear anymore.

I neglect everything.
I care for everything.
I sleep in strange beds
but dream of you
young and perfect
like impossible saints
I light candles for
in impossible churches.

Before time and matter and
love and hate and you and me
a movie started it all. Why not?
Big Bang on the biggest screen
we call universe. In a pool hall
the gods racked their ***** and
Zeus broke and sent nothing
into an acid trip of everything.
Some find their paradise.
Some find comfort dying.