I was conceived in the wrong womb.
  That's my life in a nutshell.
  It was one I never wore well.
  Greenhills, OH. Suburbia writ large.
  Lovely family and all but Bumpkinville
  so boring I took up smoking 8th grade.
  A swimming pool but I craved an ocean.
  I wanted a boardwalk and carneys and girls
  bold enough to kiss me like I needed.
  I wanted canyons of skyscrapers to wander
  and junkies and perverts and hookers who
  knew the price of meat. I wanted a library
  with every book ever writ held out for me
  to devour and digest so I'd be smarter than
  my father and teachers and the *******
  Parish priests who loved their altar boys.

Did you ever see the perfect woman?
I did. She was always on a movie screen
and larger than life itself. She shimmered
and spoke loud like a goddess might.
The light was perfect for her and I lost
my heart that night in the dark and swore
I would look forever to find her and I'd
kiss her in a final scene every night.

An institution offering shelter and support
to people who are mentally ill. Marriage.
We're all nuts! We're animals with urges we
can't control. We might as well fling ****
all over the place and parade red ***** to
the masses so they'll get we love them all.

My brain won't stop spinning.
  I've drunk my share of *****.
  What's wrong with me? Am I
  diseased? I worry I might die.
  I thank God and chemists
  I have my blessed Ambien to
  fly me into Dreamland.
  I'll live again just better.

I'll rip my face off and give
you one you'll fancy for love.
I can shape my body however
you want if you'll desire me.
I can pour gasoline on me
and burn to a cinder if you
will carry me within you
inside your secret garden.

I managed a tear at the viewing.
My heart is a piece of coal.
I'm not a sociopath but I don't cry.
I wear black and bow my head
in prayer when it's called for.
She was my mother and she died.
I carry her casket to her grave
and wonder why I wept for my dog.

I wander at 3 am in the city.
I don't sleep anymore.
I feel society's fingers on
my throat choking me silent.
I want to tell the world
about my little life that
means so much to me and
about my generation sitting
on a hill looking down on
the city lights. We howl
so anyone still listening
will know the pack waits.