I want you to be my forever
But I don't need you to be

And of course it will break my heart
If you decide to leave

But it will not break my soul
This will not be the end of my story

And with all that said and true
I can feel the dread fill my body

That something I can't change
Will make you unable to love me

That I'll lose out on a future with you
Because I am sick and there is no remedy

"Just marry him already!
What are you waiting for?"

Except I am not the brakes here
I'm not in control

He has the wheel
And isn't sure of the destination

So I'll bear my soul
And then be prepared for the distance

You may think what you'd like to think
Choose whatever lens you'd like to view me
Happy, healthy, put-together, carefree
There are only two things that really means
Either you look and don't know how to see
The marks my mind left on my body
Or you are the audience of my scene
You see a dazzling smile, a gleaming sheen
All the pretty lights made for distracting
You view reality in this my crafted dream
So pick the poison that tickles your fancy
My deceit wasn't meant maliciously
Only meant to hide where I'm weak
and I guess it's working
They see only someone succeeding
Not the girl who is sinking

Be careful where you choose
To spend your effort

Because the efforts of
A billion celestial beings
Still burn in our skies
Centuries after they have gone silent

And you, you are no less
Incredible to behold

Wait long enough
And you can see mental health

In sunny smiles
Or suspicious scars
In honesty or
Insomnia
In a growing circle
Or a new addiction

And unless it's reversed
It's grows and grows till you know
With certainty not suspicion

He spoke and the world was
And the sun shone
And the grass grew
And man took breathe

And I am not mighty like He

When I speak
Neither the plants
Nor the sky
Nor life itself hears

But the God of them all does

And so I speak of him
Not in authority
Nor in eloquence
Nor perhaps in power

Only in complete and divine love