Have you ever fit a *****
Only to find it tweaked?
Have you ever replaced a door hinge
Only to find the new one squeaked?
Or fixed a concern with another?
Because I'm afraid, right now, that's me.

I filled my head with helium
And it keeps trying to float away.
My hands shiver as if cold
On this warm and sunny day.
My heart kicked up its tempo
Though my body only sways.

I think might be dying,
At the very least I'm green.
How long can it freeze my brain,
Clogging up my blood stream?
Until finally I wonder how much
Is too much when taking in caffeine?

There is no space with enough space
And certainly no beauty or grace
In these knee-buckling bouts of anxiety
When sanity comes apart at the seams
And crazy doesn't seem a description too extreme

Crazy must be what I am
Because how did I let my life get so far out of hand?
That I'm here, now, melting down like a nuclear plant
Radioactive but not like the hulk or superman
Just hoping I have strength enough left to stand

I believe I'll make it out eventually
But until then
I am the enemy, the survivor
And the battle they fought in

I love you enough to be honest
Even when it's hardest
And to let you close when I'm weakest
Though I'd rather you not see this
Because you've come and you've stayed
Through the blackest nights
And the longest days

I love you enough to have listened
With judgement suspended
And to push you to grow
And hold you when you're low
I love you enough to see your demons
And not see you differently
Because you really aren't them

I'll love you with my words
Until you believe what you've heard
And when my words aren't up to *****
When they don't say enough
I'll have my actions speak
And pick up the trail
Where my words ceased