I dream about a boy who will take me in the dead of the night.
Someone who will take my hand and we will fly over the streets of this town.
Someone who won’t stop or pause or hesitate in the light of the moon.
Someone who will look at me with the eyes of diablo and the smile Dios.
Someone who will lead me to a world where only light shines.
Someone who banished darkness with a simple flick of his hand.
Someone who rid the air of all the things that suffocate the lungs.
Someone who rid the air of time, where not a single soul ages.
Someone who rids the air of judgment that hangs on the dying of skin.
Someone who will dance with me on the softness of the sand.
Someone who will watch the sunrise and the moon fall with me.
Someone who when the day ends there will take me home
Someone who as the night has come to an end at my windowsill will kiss my cheek
Someone who will tell me that even though tomorrow is yet to come everything will be okay
I dream about a boy who will take me in the dead of the night.
But then I look in the mirror and realize that there is only me and no such boy exists.

I never thought of myself as a hero
I never thought of myself as strong
I never thought of myself as beautiful
I never thought of myself as good
I thought I was the villain
I thought I was weak
I thought I was ghastly
I thought I was evil
I mean that’s what you said
I mean that’s what you told me
I mean that’s what you yelled
I mean that’s what you wrote
I never thought I would be the hero
I never thought I would be strong
I never thought I would be beautiful
I never thought I would be good
I am not the villain
I am not the weak
I am not the ghastly
I am not the evil
I mean that’s what I say
I mean that what I tell myself
I mean that’s what I yell
I mean that’s what I’m writing
I am the hero
I am strong
I am beautiful
I am good
I am the hero
Because
I was strong enough to leave you
I was beautiful and confident to leave you
I was good and not evil like you to leave you
I became my hero when I left you

Past

Imagine a trailer

The smell of **** fills the closed walls

A women most would call mom

Sits in a haze screaming at her reflection

She's here but she isn't

Her body is here

Her head isn’t

Noxious chemical odors

Burn the eyes

A young girl

Two older boys

Sit and watch

Looking at my brother

He looks at me

So young

Our older brother gone

Eyes blood red

Scratches cover his arms

Daddy didn’t like him very much

Daddy didn’t like any of us very much

But that’s okay. He's gone now

Blue lights are American

Blue lights took him

Blue lights are bad

brother whispers in the dark

But they made daddy gone

So they can’t be that bad

Looking at mommy

She’s quiet now

She’s my future

She is American

I look just like her

Can’t talk

So hungry

But shhh don’t whine

Or mommy will wakeup

She’s my future daddy said to me looking at mommy

Daddy didn’t like any of us very much

Were an American family

Mommy screams. Daddy’s mad

I'm mute. Twin brother is sad

Older brother is high

Blue lights are bad

These things I know

Replaying in my head

I am American

This is

My past.

My present.

My future.






Future

Years later I'm in elementary.

Birth mom didn’t want me.

She took my brothers

She left me

But that’s okay now

Because I’m better.

I'm in school

Were American  

All the kids talk

I can only say

The first three letters

In the alphabet

My voice hurts

Everyone is kind

So much different

Than what iv always known

Adults are American

Adults are patient

They aren’t gonna hurt me

Still, I hide when they yell

When a hand raises I flinch

But it's okay now

Because I'm better

I have a family now

We are an American family

Mom doesn’t hate me

Daddy holds my hand

Teachers speak kindly

I don’t know what they say

I don’t understand their words

But it's okay now

Because I'm better

I'm American

Years later and here I am

I'm in high school

I understand the words

Well at least most of them

Friends surround me

I'm happy now

I'm better now

My baby brothers

Are my light

My younger sisters

Are my path

My friends

Make me smile

I look at my mom

Her long blond hair

She’s happy

Daddy loves her

I don’t look like her

Her blood isn’t in my blood

But my future looks like her

With a home and children

Happiness and a partner

I won’t be like my birth mom

I can do better

I can be better

I will have a better future

Birth mom and dad might

Have given me a bad past

But my mom and dad

Have given me what

Most don’t have a

Better future.

My past is bad

My present is better.

My future will be good.