David E: Poems

Mar 2021 · 115

I can't afford a light bulb because I bought alcohol instead.

David E Mar 2021

I can't afford a light bulb because I bought alcohol instead.

The condition is life, but the doctor reminds me of suicide
In the reception, I see the sun is shining, stuck in the window with me.

Before dwelling in the waiting room
I highlighted to my manager that work is just as disorganised as my mind. Writing provides uncertain clarity, and "Despite your unchanging visions, while succeeding habits. You couldn't write a poem?"

No one is as productive as me, being sick, wondering when I will clean my ****-stained toilet, wondering how long I have been wearing ****-stained underwear. It takes years of practice, tolerance to get where I am now

Symptoms are managed by isolation and drinking. Isolation and drinking lasts longer than the working week of nine to five. Today I go to half-pay, which means half-price food, as the holes in my shoes grow. The cheap drink can make me more robust than most men. I can last long into the night

And what stopping me from getting out of control is a broken light bulb, until witnessing the sunshine again.

Feb 2021 · 93

I only spit on my glasses to read, write and make unfair comparisons for meeting someone new

David E Feb 2021

I only spit on my glasses to read, write and make unfair comparisons for meeting someone new

On the first date, she told me that her grandmother died, "it was the operation, the operation that killed her"
There are things that people don't acknowledge anymore, see, think or feel.

I thought about why people have grandmothers and ordinarily
needed to talk about them.

Walking along the river reminded me
It rained the night before
That was just important as her memory
During our limited time together
I was already bored.

Each woman is self-improvement for the next

I remember walking along the same river
holding hands with another girl
and again, almost remember another
walking past her x boyfriend  without saying a word
telling me "a ****”
People don't apologise anymore.

I didn't want to understand her history, cared for her favourite films.
You could tell that she didn't like reading
or
would understand how I loss my t.v
as
Her individuality had gone

On our first date
All I wanted to know is what she smelt like
Then taste between her legs
Within  this moment is nothing
I can feel
But the sky falls, again and again, is an important fact

Dec 2020 · 86

Intervals of consumption can improve upon guessing the time.

David E Dec 2020

Intervals of consumption can improve upon guessing the time.

I often open the curtains to let the heat in
But there's no sunshine today
While sitting in a chair that's versed and infirm
Blistered brown
Bitter and dependable as the surrounding solid bricks.

Was it a daydream of fortune with laughter on my face
When a breeze, shimmed with animals within a contorted trees
In front of a typhoon of blue.

An open curtain can warm the room
As little ordinary shade of disturbance's approach
Providing unspeakable gloom
While I return to bed for an extra day.

I also can open the curtains to let people in
To forget the wasteland of silence
If even it's a peek and to avoid the reflection of my now grey imagination.

A vivid blub springs ordinary in the past
In the morning, even if there's no sunshine
There is a glint of a bright glow.

Dec 2020 · 85

I remember when I was a young man, watching taxi driver- I have ups and downs but he pushed the T.V over with his foot!

David E Dec 2020

I remember when I was a young man, watching taxi driver- I have ups and downs but he pushed the T.V over with his foot!

A long conversation.
You decided to reduced medication and focus on your emotions
While thinking throughout the night and wondering?
And honestly, you still don’t have any idea.

I.
Recognised that I self-isolate to manage symptoms or when I have questions?
I feel guilt for the people that I have let down, but I met a man today with allegations of guinea pigs and court dates for molesting his sister.

Then.
Watched my managers head, explode as they never said “hello, Hi, or my name” in any email “its “so ******* rude” as she “makes me want to ******* leave, I dislike her and can't work with her”!
“SO, SO, So MUCH I'm thinking of quitting, because of HER”.
And I switched off and thought about my xgirlfriend- - Hope you're well?

With.
A receptionist I tell her about a date tomorrow
I told her my reservations, regarding meeting some new “that she had two children” and “It' was hard to get over one boy”-

“Dave you have not met her yet, don’t think about the end”
I smile and it's true.

Nov 2020 · 92

I watched a fruit roll across the table and fall to the floor. During that moment, I thought.

David E Nov 2020

I watched a fruit roll across the table and fall to the floor. During that moment, I thought.

People like me, are not needed.
Alone in a dark room, watering flowers on the window sill.
Or is it important, while looking out the window, the rain reminds you to ****?

What we need are jobs, the same old jobs, labelled differently and act as their new jobs.
What we need are holiday’s in Spain with beautiful women
Or holiday's in Munich with misaligned boys.
However, there is more love being alone with the second hand of the clock, slicing moments of established solitude.

We need more ambition, from ambitious men.
That never dispel that our greatest moment in life is waking up at 8 am and returning home incomplete, endlessly.

We need systems that define your self worth with a picture of thumb or smiling faces that does not resemble your own. We need to be self severing and perpetuating.

What we can't have is fewer freckles, smiles or the colour red.

We need to replace our feelings, make more children to progress our mistakes
What we need is every day to be the same but not to feel the same.
Never to have been made cheapen, feel cheated or a rollover in a cold room.
People like me, are not needed.

From:
Sent: 27 December 2019 06:53
To:
Dear team, I’m am mortified with the email sent on the 18/12/2019 you would never understand the. I have left my girlfriend and cancelled my holiday in January for my birthday that cost 167 pounds for three nights of accommodation and travel because of my circumstances. On Christmas day, I had for dinner, four crumpets with cheese. The family I owe money too but my eight-year nephew posted a DVD through my letterbox unknowing- but I have no television or DVD player. I will have to sell my phone I can't carry on this way. If there is not going to be active? I need to know, as there always a way out.
With best wishes

Oct 2020 · 87

Me and my girlfriend parts always smell

David E Oct 2020

Me and my girlfriend parts always smell

I can smell her now, sedentary
Face uncomplete,
while sitting in the middle of the bed, wearing on pants.

The best parts are sometimes our faults
"I never lied to you as everything I felt and said to you was true at the time. I did not lie or act out to get attention. I did not say things intentionally to hurt or trick you. I, only ever responded to, you. In my way".

Again she says after many months and just like yesterday. Then tells me" I feel time and life are too precious to stay in connection with others who have massively different energies, as it hurts us both, in the end", While she's pulling at her hair while looking elsewhere.

My girlfriend jump into and out of bed, more than others, which often she mistakes for love
“We didn't find each other in this life, so that we could change one another feel like you resent me”.

It tiresome getting out of the bed but is being apart
And alone wishing the bedroom light stays off

Oct 2020 · 93

When I think love I think of the best sexually transmitted diseases

David E Oct 2020

When I think love I think of the best sexually transmitted diseases

I was sixteen, and my girlfriend was maybe five years older me. Living at my parents, theirs a phone near the bottom of their stairs, for emergencies and intentionally, placed so everyone could hear.

The night before, very quietly, "We need to talk, in-person". We paused in the conversation, in the middle of the bridge on the estate. Me on the way to school and were she dressed a red for work after being out all night.

We need talk in person "I don't know how to tell you this, you gave my chlamydia", "you better get checked, and the doctor said you had gave it to me".

Unwashed was ordinary and second-hand clothes. I avoided "I'm ok; my mum sorted it". Her mother bought smells of the food coming upstairs, with cold *** cheeks on the bathroom floor, with the door locked. My girlfriend, next lying down next to me, only kissed "I think my mum’s coming" repeatedly until the food was ready.

Very quietly, I nodded my head, held down by books weighing heavy on my shoulders. Crossing the bridge, the wind blew in my face while cars piled on and passed bye.
Leaning toward, I then sat at the back of the class; friends were gurning on ecstasy. If you showed promise, you gained access to the library for free, especially during lunch.
I stay with the boys that stole the money, but thinking of the library, I thought I didn't know chlamydia (a noun) was or why or "no more kissing".

The next day, alone waking to school while the cars continued below, I then joined the back of the class. My first girlfriend, I had given her an STI ?? naively as a ******.

I lost my self in that room at sixteen. I'm now surrounded by different books that have weighed on me during many years. She was never my first girlfriend, but the first with an imagination. I was poor.

Oct 2020 · 84

I pulled back foreskin back, while pissing in the sink. Then, I thought of you.

David E Oct 2020

I pulled back ******* back, while ******* in the sink. Then, I thought of you.

Hey Philip, where are your parents now
It was only my mother, that ****** me up too
Confused, with numerous dads, sharing familiar punches.

Or the possibility of that imaginary smell for bullies
the big, big boys, who lack individuality
that goes hand in hand with small *****

Or
The old ugly girls that continue to be stranger than strange

It's disabling, but there no fear inn being alone
I remove the dust off my books,
Searching familiar verses, of miseries for crazy men.
In turn, no purpose reminds me of youth
Life possesses no great ideas
Over twenty years, colliding against the sink

Oct 2020 · 66

Days offs. Acting like a genius with disorganized thoughts. That looks like you and makes my think of you, through the most unforgiven days. You considered me a failure

David E Oct 2020

Days offs. Acting like a genius with disorganized thoughts. That looks like you and makes my think of you, through the most unforgiven days. You considered me a failure

******* out your *** and ******* fives times a day
Or when reading a short story by Hemingway
Stained in inferior underpants,
Exposed, I write poems like Wilt Wittman at 5.47 am,
With my muttered papers amongst the *******
Sometimes with nonsense said, its never finished.

Unless you received a text message or being driven in a car
-On your way and bye the way "you're a nasty **** to women"., "let's have quiet and never dictate to me".

It takes years of discipline in the morning, which is not for everyone.
I am starting to get towards the end of a book as another girlfriend returns from work
While Sleeping on the sofa without love, my hand smelling of ***
I neglected my self for this poem, the short stories, which has lead onto this.

Unless you received long emails or lonely conversations “that life is too precious” and “can’t live this way” brief movements, I have to stop to wipe my ***, but the final words said “we are finished”

Each night walking into a room with clothes on the floor reminds of my of youth "My old man"
I slip into bed at 11.24 am after, considering nine cans left in the fridge
Upon waking I started again

I slowly creep around the room looking for the remainder of the things that I lost
There's no ambitious, pure amazement and delirium of remembrance.
On the end of the bed, with my hair pulled back, with missed coordination, I'm more undecided and I wait further.

all the best to you sherry

Jun 2020 · 102

I'm not at work today as I'm so angry at you. Your exciting narrative There always a YOU, never, us or me

David E Jun 2020

I'm not at work today as I'm so angry at you. Your exciting narrative There always a YOU, never, us or me

When you feel like nothing
You can pretend your someone else
Or
Being just nothing
Act like yourself

The last resort is harder
As people can get closer to you

It makes you alone as sometimes
They
Become further apart

But enjoy if they reach out to you
As its more often than not
Hold it, embrace it and if there's a chance
Kiss
Maybe tomorrow or the next
You will be alone again

Amongst the gods
In the star
Between lines in a book?
Between a pause
You ultimately, be alone again

Sometimes it's your choice
Or other people
Their beautiful things when your nothing
So why not
Forget your self

In summery- I was pushing you away, you were trying to love and support me as I was overwhelmed. You needed a listening ear and wanted to know if I was ok.  You have a pattern in contacting X partners to lead people into your cause of pretending to be a victim. You mentioned money and hinted that maybe I had taken advantage of my X partner. Throughout the relationship, I did not share information with you both is laughable. It is my responsibility to react to your unintentional catalyst, but everything is not your responsibility. You contacting her for the first and only time in our ten-month relationship where you were really worried about was only concerned about me.
My narrative is that your abusive with challenging son lied after stealing my things out of my bag and taking them into the lounge to charge his iPad. This is a common thing for a child, and I'm guessing he thought my lead was quicker/bigger to charge a ropey iPad. You maintain that Robert did not do it, and you might have had some memory loss! Due to your complete denial of the facts and your nonlinear/irrational argument about it not occurring, despite it happening, I shouted. This has an impact on me in various ways.
I was not pushing you away as I told you, what I was thinking. I was feeling due to the long-standing behaviours which you hide, your ideal fantasies and world of paranoid ideas. There have been many comments that I would find some in my new job and that you’re self-conscious. I communicated the whole time that I wanted space and way which you perceived as pushing you away. You contacted my X partner, mentioning personal things and things that you did not need to say. You were so concerned about me that you failed to tell me and keep it a secret.
After this time, you ignored me until going to the beach after you requiring time. Time for what I ask? that I do not listen to you etc. If I shouted at you again, it would be over and implied I'm not giving Robert an Eight-year-old a chance which was unnecessary and expressed this was further criticism. It's all about me when talking about you. I have shown patient/problem solved due to Roberts off the scale behaviours.
We agreed that things are complicated when not together and a consideration/agreement that we would move in with each other. Despite a plan, you made No attempts to progress forward despite my actions and planning. I consider there was an expectation of selling everything then move into YOUR home, which has excessive rules which only applies to me and does not apply or anyone else. I have not imposed any rules on you.
Am I worst off then when I met you? Yes. I have bi-polar but as your texted “depending on my mood”, I consider I to be more stable. The only time your happy is when you are attempting to get pregnant, or there is an opportunities to support your and your son with boundaries issues.
I have done things wrong, but I know what’s it's like do the opportunity and sacrifices to be in a lasting relationship, where you only know to make unfair comparisons while living in your continued past. You are better on your own, but I know you won't be as you be hooking up with some fat **** like on your computer or some ******* threesomes. Temporary things only.
I have given you cash for most you the transactions, and I got £80 so deducted that from £501 for a new bed which you contributed in selling due to your ongoing lies and false promises.
https://www.wayfair.co.uk/furniture/pdp/bloomsbury-market-saraghna-bed-cbfi1013.html?piid=35066209
I'd hoped this would be it, my love, but I do not want a future with continual arguments and blame.  I have set up £20 per direct debit which is twice as much as Rob and twice as much you deserve. I hope you do get some therapy or it would make sense in a “horrocope “in a few years.
There is no need me to contact as you broke my heart or others. You no longer have any influence on me, and your words mean nothing. If you continue to at histrionically, I will just forward the emails on to Robert or text Tasha.
You there is no misunderstandings leave me alone so I can do better things
Take care, Pi Pi
Charles Baudelaire and   Bukowski said  “Le beau est toujours bizarre” but  “Beauty is nothing, beauty won’t stay. If people like you, you know it’s for something else.”
Love man apocalypse

Mar 2020 · 113

Often it springs a limited vision, with insight there's a deeper understanding of somebody or something

David E Mar 2020

Often it springs a limited vision, with insight there's a deeper understanding of somebody or something

While standing still, I'm twice as crazy, but today, I finish work early.

Forty-five minutes more drinking, which lasts, longer than nine to five.

My boss reminds me of pay, a wife is an uncomprehending boredom.
Im unfascinated by people.

I am not wanted, either are they. which can provide great uncertainty.

On the way home I’m on my third while driving,
I either throw cans behind the passage seat or if its night from the window.

Home I'm tired, I'm alone, I think of everyone. I prefer loneliness or listening to the second hand of a clock. Which beats, coming to work, going to work or a vague life, living with others.

Never with people, providing no great ideas, I can't offer a few. With no time left, I deicide, their little l want to do

I had a day off from work and my boss refused to allow any extra hours, not because of my ability- I think there is a dislike for me as writing also creates uncertainty.

Feb 2020 · 79

I found a dream that was in front of me and reminds me of youth, that's so different from me.

David E Feb 2020

I found a dream that was in front of me and reminds me of youth, that's so different from me.

Sometimes the push you
Just go with it.
Their small minds
Create havoc.
Within their small lives
That often incomplete with others.

Do what you can and escape.
Or be prepared to be alone.
Think with
Dreaming.
Or
Even with torments in a book.
As
Small mind douth everything.

Go with it
Then do it again.
They could never be you
So be yourself.
Run
Run
Go wild with it.

"you don't write about me"

— The End —