There are rubber bands around my heart
essential to keep things at bay.
As the feelings get bigger,
I need to use more bands.
They cut into flesh,
barely contained.
Pulled so taught…
straining…
Snap.

When at last the sun hits the ground,
I can lie on my bed and rest.
When I sleep, I dream and I believe,
When I sleep life’s at it’s best.

In the dark no one can hurt me,
In the dark I can’t be broken.
I’m safe when my eyes are tightly shut,
I’m vulnerable when I’m woken.

Girl bent over moonlit lake,
Calm broken by a tear.
She has made a big mistake,
She must get out of here.

Her kneeling image in the night,
Is a long forgotten silhouette.
She cannot make what she did right,
She can’t return home yet.

It’s crawling through my veins,
Tearing up my skin.
Taking over every cell
Destroying from within.

Like a leech it drains me,
******* ‘til it’s done.
I pull but it won’t let go,
The creature’s all but won.

I scratch, I scream, I beg,
Much too weak to flee.
No escape, I’m trapped for good,
Battling against me.

Pouring out from the top of my pen,
flooding in a pool on parchment
everything I ever felt.
Every heartache and fear,
laid bare in black ink
for your judgement:
My fragile
paper
Soul.

I’ve told him many secrets
And we rarely are apart,
We share our lives together
But he doesn’t own my heart.

We live life in parallel
But so many things unsaid,
Spectator in my own life
Who’s this stranger in my bed?

If this does end and I’m not in pain,
Was I holding on in vain?
If I can survive and smile,
I dare say it was not worthwhile.