For so long after your death
I felt lost, abandoned and forgotten
I never imagined a life without you
I never considered death was waiting for you
Instead, I dreamed and believed in our future
forgetting the fragility of living in presence
forgetting that the preciousness of this moment
can be taken from me anytime
And so, I learned to rise each day
without you
without knowing what was next
It took time,
It took long, painful and difficult breaths at first
but then I learned to breathe differently
I learned to breathe slowly, patiently and with deep intent each day
I learned that grief is a skill
that I had no training for
And so I searched
I listened
I practiced
I absorbed
I felt deeply
Now I Rise each day
Still not knowing what's next
But I am here
I am present
I am grateful
And in doing so,
I honor your beautiful, short and precious life