all i want from this world
is to love the people in it
and to be loved sometimes
it doesn't have to be beautiful people
or a pure love
i'll take the messy, ugly kind
one that will match mine

i am still proud
of hiding it
of pursing my lips
and starving it
the need to be seen
and held at my worst
until i know
how bad my worst
can get

i'm watching myself
unfold
i try to stuff
what's falling out
inside
maybe i
can go for
one more week
maybe then
i'll feel i earned
a sigh

i'm on my way
i'm on my way to you
i sit and watch through the window
as grass is turning greener
with every kilometer
less from where you are

to walk amongst sleepers
(early sleepers and
not enough sleepers)
on the way from
the six am bus

to mingle with them
and their serious business
with a head still full of
butterflies

to whisper quietly
into your cup of coffee:
are you also waiting
for someone
to ask

isn't this all such a farce?

maybe someday
i won't be filled
with dread
after every choice
waiting to wake
in cold sweat
forced to hear that voice
that whispers
baby
don't pretend
you believe that
this can end
we'll trade old fears
for new fears
and bless new years
with fresh tears
that's just our way

and when you said
'i'll never abandon you'
it wasn't a promise
it was just an off-hand remark
and it wasn't true
because what can we know of forever
when we supposedly become
someone new every seven years

but the lie echoed in the kitchen
as you poured my cup of tea
causing resonance in places where i keep
the most desperate things i wish to hear