I wanted all the things
You wanted
I just didn't want them
With you

Constant battle
Thinking they know best
One pounds in my head
The other in my chest

I've always had a fascination with death
First I was afraid of it
Then I longed for it
Now I'll embrace it
Whenever it decides
To come for me
Hopefully not by my own hand
But only time can tell

Five letters
One word
Two syllables
I used it
Until it
Lost all meaning
Five letters
One word
Two syllables
It's the only word
I can offer you
But I know
You don't want it
Five letters
One word
Two syllables
Maybe one day
I can put meaning
Back into the word
But not today

I painted a pretty picture
In my mind
Of what life should be
Perfection and beauty
Reflected in each stroke
I painted a place
For me to feel safe
Content
Satisfied
Now I'm trapped
In this painting
And can't seem to escape
No matter how hard I try

I wish I was
As scared
Of the decent
Into madness
As I was
The decent
Into sadness
For I should
Know by now
That one
Inevitably
Leads to the other

the lost conspire
for some oblong heresy:
the earth says must,
yet the heavens desist.

so long to hope,
or so they say,
that which leaves the soul
for better judgement.

or heaven yet
might visit your doorstep
and send you a sign
in the shape of a smile.