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rejection.

No one
Looks here toward my direction often.
Like the plant which seems to have only little direct
sunlight
Then, I prefer to find myself reaching
upward

My own eyes flicker

And then they will close
As if it's their task.
This day was my birthday
One year ago
Today.
That day is rare
Trying like everyone else  -

Just
Trying only to
See
How old that they can get
While you
Turned 80

I threw a curve
ball.

You said that you liked it.

I mean,
What the ****?   -

And is at these times that I have liked it, As well.
At other times, I am
Filled with a hatred
And with Misunderstanding.
Not everyone else could take it
Nor are all expecting it.
It is almost as rare, here,
As is being
Uncircumcised;

Maybe it's that I only wanted to believe what you said,
And didn't
About my *****.

I remember
My having been in Florida then
In the mornings
My Coffee with grapefruit
On Bonita Beach,
Or was it on Bonita island;
Richard Marx singing us to sleep.

The Veranda and audible waves hitting shore

Rock Hudson movie idol

Swimming pool.

Bio
Best seller,
That year.

Jesus I can’t hear you enough,

I don’t hear your name enough.

I’ll repeat it a thousand
Times more, louder
.
What of my Godmother,
Godfather
Who stood over me?

What about the crush on the boy who was from Detroit,
We two teens -  Sean and I, up in Vermont in bunk beds

Who could have been the love of my life,
Except for his orientation?

I’m an American. I’ve transplanted
Myself
to the birthplace in Boston, MA.

Who invented
The pursuit of happiness? I bet

I had something to do with it.

I just want to plant my poems each
Inside of books
To watch them live
And to smell them up

I want to go to a bar and to plant

Myself permanently on a seat there

I have too much to do

And now I'm not doing anything.

Keep track of my movement.

I will tip the bartender and he
Will fall over
Who is cute

Be the mess

Be your own Best.

Let the light be the light.

Be actress or gymnast
Or a U.N. Ambassador
Or just yourself.

Be angry,

Be uncool.

Make the rules up
And don’t follow.

Don’t just rely on the clay, perse.

Live life
From the spirit,
Listen- to it.

There is no death
Only life
Or the lack thereof

Or there is only light or dark.
No time
but only space.

Everyone who was anyone is still,
Will always be with us.
Carole King is a part of me.
All of the remakes of King Kong are also me.
I am also The Women. A Star Is Born.
Hello Dolly.

I don't know,
  Am I up to 52 of my poems this go round?

I've been to a school of hard knocks-

I've shaken hands
With the devil,
You know.

Or God, was it?

I have colluded

With Russia
I've told Putin that he is a *******
Royal,
And he went along with it.

Will that be my non crime,
Or my sentence
Along with other criminals.

Every sentence
Must have a period.

I didn't make the rules up,  
Dude,
Man, how does this hang

Be mindful
Billy Joel.

Sensitivity means you can be weak
Hear Ye-  , hear Ye;
Being right all day long
Means you can be strong,
As you are.

I meant to die in a bathtub
Melting
The muscles' tension

Wine,
Falling asleep
Drowning
Innocently.  Like Whitney.
There's a Heaven
And
I am waiting

For myself there.
I will always
Cherish you

My bed is a cocoon.


A floating
And moated sand castle
and I unravel

in a dream of reality


Come into my humble,

Pretentious abode
A bubble

and stay the night
Draped in silken sheets.

Madonna…

Not THE  madonna,

French Canadian girl.

Pale blue or  green

Eyes,  brown flowing hair.

My grandmother and my mother.

You are like

A distant cousin


I feel Like a ******

Who has never been touched at all;

This will be my homily

I sit alone
In Green chair
Throughout all time
And throughout the eleven years
Beneath this roof.
I sit alone
In a chair
Made for one
To sit on.
A homemaker who is Alone, who is
Back from the Dead.

I will never forget
You, but still,
I was not expecting it,
  
When I looked up
And then I Saw you there
You turned me
Back Around Again-
I can only say That now
You always will be with me.
He, a friend I have met
Along the way to Oz, and to The Emerald City when we both
Were young.


So, Now look at us.  

So


Beautiful.

My major contribution
Toward my life
Will be that I didn't end my life.
Everything else will be Gravy.

I have hurt myself, because
I did not want to live authentically.

There is 
Within echo
Chambers  *
No response towards my cries

Within four walls encased;
Punished

For my being hidden
And for being looked over.

Still, I ask to hear God's voice
Who calls my name
Then it feels like

Home

Why did I think that
he would ever
(not)
be that into Me,

Even though he may have
Just
Said as much.

Should never have betrayed my own ears

Yeah, when I
Happen
To
know always

Just

Better than anyone else does here;

I am always standing

Just

That one step
Ahead of you.

So, Then
What is this Answer?-

I will close the door
In mens
Faces,

I will pray

On Christmas Eve

For Christmas Morning,

And for
It’s delivery.

Hopefully life in Jesus is not over
If it is, I would then

Send it off.

So many things And people have come
And gone,

And I have
either survived
Or am in another form

On earth.

I have No humility, no pride

It turns out that I have been amorphous
A living entity
I turn on heel
From ego;
I have written eleven books of miracles
Which I oversee

Growth for me is always slow
And painful.

I am Just Right.
I'm not
Too cold, not too Warm.
I have
Golden locks.
You wish you were Me, day and Night
Even as you discriminate
And exclude

And choose

Elsewhere;
You

Contradict yourself,
Even as I am
A contradiction

Opening Salvo


Art and Beauty reside side by side along with
Reality and toughness .
The sooner I can transform
(Bring it forth,)
The better

As far as I'm concerned;

Never the two shall meet
Inside of me

I lived

Once

I'm not short
You're tall

Listen to the drums
I want to die,
Every year
In time.

Every year, I will be a little less
Here.
You are
A star is born,
You are just

Nothing at all -

I was a boy.
As a  boy/girl   I don't need to fit
Your descriptions. I don't need to be
Published. I don't need a date to take
With me

To the dance.

I won't need to worry; Won't need to look
At you,
Won't need to be married
Civilly,
Or inside a church
Don't have to be elected.  I can just dream
For my entire life

Every time I write a poem it doesn't matter.
Every time a hurricane kills a town it doesn't matter
Every time I am born,
Every time that I die
It doesn't.
When I am angry
It doesn't-

My back hurts and it feels like I am being swallowed by my ******* house.
 - And it Doesn't,
Either.

What is it going to take to make a difference-

A serious crime
Like my handwriting.

I am alone as Hell

And lonely as hell
And you know you are an *******, for
Leaving me alone

Yes, you do

Don't
You.

*****.

The

Price is right
You are
A dime a dozen and I
A diamond

In the rough

My life is my  Wegmans’ now
Still it could be worse
It is cold
Inside -
But I know you can
Be warm.

Tell me to

Take my time,
Things are cooking
On stove,  This iz my
Opening salvo.
Cow bell.  -Back beat.

I am following the yellow brick to a destination,
But I am already there

Oh my God that chin.
Oh my God that nose and flared nostril
Oh my God that mouth. Oh my God
those eyes,  that hair, impossible  Oh
my God your neck,
long
I want you to speak
From God,
Give chance to Get up and
start the dance
Married and divorced
Productive mother
To the end  .

When you die you become Hard like cardboard or plastic
The reason that I became a man...
because
I have taken the fork in the road
To get here
And everywhere
In between.

I Would have been one or the other
Call me naive
Call me stupid
I thought you were a star
Before I knew what a star was on your own.

I Love Myself More than I Love You



You have just lost My Lottery of Love.
Don't ask questions cause you're too dumb

To understand,
So I
Won't even explain how you got to be an *******
And right now I'm going to do
Everything to you that you've done to me.

Too much random or

Idle cruelty

I want to die

There's no one home with the lights on

I don't want to be alone tonight.

I could understand what it's like to be rich and to lose
A million dollars,
Or to lose a family

Though I've never been rich.

She's not my mother she's a ****.
Well everybody has to come through a ****, I suppose.

I was just trying to make a statement, a singular one
With my entire life

But my life is incomplete

The pieces drawn
From many other sides,

But I am gone
Now. -
What statement?

My life is over. My

Lord

That was such a long time ago
There were different people on the earth
Yeah, maybe, I was.
I could be your Father Figure, I could kiss you
Like I am kissing my self,
A taste of salt
Come clean

Straight is the obvious choice
Gay is a bit more of a challenge
That's what makes it worth it. -I am not having
Any of it

Nothing is coming my way.
Gravity is bringing up the ground
I am like an Angel trying to muster my will
AND strength.

You are still on a different trajectory
Than me.  
Your mouth is moving away from my lap.
You are a sap
Just a lame drum beat

Nobody can stand the truth.
But that is what I'm here for



60

There’s physical death of a man,
and the death of a gay man,
Which is he being
cut off
from being gay,

or Bein’ a man
in every way.

Touching it
Daily
And, then, it begins to fade, a dying flower.
a dry tongue
no saliva
no blood.

**** and You Don't Mesh


Everyone needs their own version of hope-
Hope for you,
Hope for me. It sure can look different
At times
And through the many different eyes.
But it is always the same.

There are people who like to demonize,
To scapegoat the obvious weak choice-

But behind that
Always
Is someone who is in many ways

Just you.  Are you not to blame?

I see you dancing
And I must compress it into the form of
the modern poem,

Feel my voice as it leaves my body
And must
Distill it now.

What more, what more

Can I do or can I say.

Your Christ has left with me the
impression of

Light from light.

I’m here to win it,
I’M here to make it.
I am going to be updating this poem

Did I come out
Or did I die