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Carolann Mar 2020
I'm eluding my colors and fading to black
I've come to the crossroads there's no turning back
I'm lost in this hell, this concept of me
This painful desire to set myself free
What are the choices that i should have made
Why didnt i listen to the life i craved?
When will i realize this was not meant to be
This withering lifeless body of me
How did i get here, and why did i go?
When did my  breaths become achingly slow
Why didnt i listen or pretend that i see,
How can i be living this dying of me

carolann
Carolann Feb 2019
A smile so bright
Eyes hazel and sprite
Cheeks round and rosy
A nose small and cozy
Brownish locks bounce and swirl
Frame the face of this little girl
Fingers and hands,
Long and slim she stands
Actively she runs and plays
Full of energy throughout the day
she is 4 years old
She is sweet tiny and bold
She shines pure love
through her heart of gold
Carolann Apr 2019
I search through days that have been
hard and try to understand
the many trials that I have known,
the life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind
so confident and strong,
yet when I am alone
question just where do I belong.
I often try to hard to find
to analyze and guess
to scrutinize, investigate
my life i will confess.
For somewhere deeper
there must be a meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
give a reason for this strife.
Is there a hidden meaning
some agenda to be found.
A greater purpose waiting,
if  i care to hand around.
It teases and it taunts me
always slightly out of sight.
A hazy vision  out of reach
where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring  clarity
to what awaits me there
and yet this Weak illusion
always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that i try
to focus through this haze.
It just seems to serve more questions
upon my tired endless gaze.
Perhaps i make it harder
then it has to be sometimes .
But will my searching bring to me
my meaning over time.
or will it leave me perplexed
as i feel now
While questions bring no solitude 
 to this my wrinkled brow
Carolann Feb 2019
He looks into the air ,
Himself falling rain
Dripping of sorrow
Drenched beneath pain
Insides so heavy
Riddled with shame....

A whispering spirit now,
An angel through the air
Falling breeze whispers
You'll always be there.
We wait for answers
Feeling such pain
Searching for some reason
Someone to explain .
Unweave these mysteries,
These secrets you now hold
Only souls passing
Such mysteries be told..

Searching through the book of fate
Desperate  to erase this  tragic date.

Clouded judgement as i recall
Cast upon this shadowed wall
Memories made in the blink of an eye
Reflections of you in these tears that i cry
Trails of tears scattered debris
Spread your wings my friend
In peace may you fly free
Carolann Mar 2020
As I stand silently
waiting to unfold...
External forms lying vacant..
Craving warmth to hold.
Desperate to remember
Lost dreams that nightly
embraced my sleeping soul...
Leaving me peacefully suspended
Between moments I once owned
Carolann Mar 2020
I am rapidly falling
my soul bares the trauma.
Eyes seeing years
now reduced to a comma.

Faded I remain,
Left tarnished and jaded.
Emptiness echoes through
this soul long evaded.

Consuming the spaces
where dreams once did guide me.
I now pause, cry release
from this grip that confines me.

Memories now voiceless
lay fragrant in silence.

I grow tired of this
uncaring exposure.
I struggle to regain
once familiar composure.

Remaining suspended
between an illusion so hollow.
Tears are the only
company to follow.

I can only cry
as i now understand.... this journey
i've started,  has claimed its demand.

carolann
Carolann Apr 2019
Living this adventure we journey toward its end,
experiencing pieces of a puzzle we don't fully comprehend.
The hues of our emotion paint a picture of our past,
as we hurtle toward a destiny that is not meant to last.
Youth a canvas all in white, not knowing what awaits,
feel caresses of a brush that which we know as fate.
Love so very true in reds, that beat within our heart,
shadows black take form as rage which tears a soul apart.
Greens of joy and happiness,  lush beauty beyond compare,
Sorrow shrouded depths of blue the waters of despair.
Yellow screams of sadness which we all must endure.
Guilt and shame are shades of grey that rattles to the core
Earthly brown desires are that for which we lust
the loss of which comes with age, like chrome begins to rust.
The image changing constantly as time plods slowly on
taking shape in many forms as twilight gives way to dawn
our futures are ours to create   paintings  filled with love
its easy to see the destination was the gallery above ...
Carolann Mar 2020
Faded images of  moments intended.
Looking out from lost eyes, ...silent.., suspended....
again yesterdays questions decay seasons once mended.
so....
I drift away, bathed in aqua blue.....
Drowning internal vessels my heart knows its through.
As.....
Passion holds fast amazed by it's beauty
Regret replaced the vision  I loved you truly
Faded images of these dreams intended....
wishing this brightly my hues again blended.

— The End —