Every year that passed
The hope faded until

Long ago, without my knowledge,
It extinguished completely

In my prettiest dress,
I slumped lower each hour

Until the sun set and
I'd know you weren't coming

Mom would have to try
To convince me again

And now I won't dress nice,
Not for anyone.

And I won't be vulnerable
Never again.

Because you taught me to believe
That I'm not worthy of your time

And my only defense was pretending
You weren't worthy of mine.

I dreamt of a place
That only a few knew about
A place between two spire
Where I always used to go

It's too far back a memory
To remember if it's real or not
Made up by a brain
That must have needed somewhere to go

But it came to me in wakefulness
A memory of a place
That even if it once existed
Can't be real anymore

It was beautiful
Sandy untouched beaches
Chest crushing waves
That were hard to endure

Maybe it was just a place
Where I'd go in my head
Or maybe it was a real place
And I'll stumble onto it again

Still there all these years unchanged
Not that I'll chase you off if seen
But I hope that if you see me there
You'll let me be alone

Through the driveway that connects the road to the lane
The purple in my sunglasses makes reds a darker shade

Making the man on the bicycle look short of breath


I come so far for the worst tasting tea
I don't care what anyone says boiled is better than microwaved

But the kids at the counter are so eager to please


My little ones have fun for an hour and a bit
The silence is supposed to be a reprieve

But I miss them terribly when they aren't with me


Counting the seconds until I can return again
'Til I return home to cuddles and stories and little hands

Up over the bridge past the sunset


Pressing buttons for traffic lights and learning how to wait
Until we all get home again

And to sleep and to wake to another day


And one day they'll be grown and gone
Their hands full of little hands of their own

But I'll always remember that lane


The weather warming and then cooling
Looking back, it wasn't such a long driveway

Looking back, I'd walk it all again

I feel old, and the cold's creeping in
And my hiding makes me more aware
That I'm too scared to show

My heart's whispers are louder
Whispering quietly but incessantly
That the time to move is now

To quiet such a chatter is impossible
All that is left to do is "do"
But the heart that prattles on is a blessing

A heart that is silent is a saddened heart
Or one that is muffled with drink
I choose my big, loud, thumping heart over any silent thing