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Lupus- Mar 2020
The person behind me
Preventing any fall
There making sure
I get over it all
Never looking back
Forgetting the past
Moving on
And moving fast
Pushing me forward
Passing the limits
Never backing down
Placing my foot where it fits

The person beside me
Providing some advice
The person to prevent
A mistake from occurring twice
Not allowing there to be
Any distractions
Keeping me on the path
Following all directions
Never leaves my side
Always watching over
Never abandoning me
Always being there

The person in front of me
Keeping my eyes
Straight forward
Imagining the prize
Seeking for the best
Helping create a better future
Allowing no stops
Even under the pressure
Pulling me away
From what I leave behind
Leading me to my dreams
The ones I keep in mind

Without them what would I do
How would I continue
How would I go through
I need them to move on, don't you?
Lupus- Mar 2020
There may be reasons to cry
There may be reasons to fall
But someway, somehow
I'll find a way through it all

There may be reasons to yell
There may be reasons to scream
But I won't let anyone
Dare ruin my dream

There might be reasons to fight
There might be reasons to protect
I'll find all possible ways
To accomplish what I expect

There might be reasons to change
There might be reasons to not be the same
I won't continue playing
Life's little messed up game

I may be getting weak
I may not live any longer
But experiencing all these problems
I'll find a way to get stronger
Lupus- Feb 2020
I lied to protect you
So the happiness could continue
I lied so that the fights could end
And we could all become friends
I thought I was doing what was right
I thought I could prevent another fight
But I was wrong and nothing got better
It seems as if the pain would last forever
I didn't want to lie though
My pride was very low
I just didn't want to see you suffer anymore
Seeing you cry caused my heart to be sore
I didn't want to witness anymore of your depression
I tried to keep you under my protection
When telling you the truth I felt useless
I only created a bigger mess
So instead of being honest I created a lie
I couldn't with it. I couldn't look at you in the eye
But I was left no other choice
If I wanted to hear joy in your voice
At that moment I saw a better future
A home nicer and newer
But just like my lies, it wasn't real
The storm came back to destroy and steal
Nothing could prevent it, even as hard as I tried
There seemed to be only one solution, so again I lied
Please forgive me, I regret my actions
I only tried to look for solutions
Is it possible you could forgive me
For messing up when trying to create a better destiny
Would you forgive me when understanding my reason
To try to make things more peaceful and fun
I'm very sorry for something I didn't want to occur
I know I didn't fix anything, instead I showed failure
I hope you'll forget my responses that were fake
I hope you won't remember my mistake
I'm telling you "I'm sorry" with all my heart
Can we leave all this behind and restart
Would you begin to love me once again
After I failed to protect you and defend
Hopefully you'll forgive me soon
Until then, I'll be waiting under the stare of the moon
I don't want you or me to be left alone
Even though your trust towards me isn't as strong
I'll repeat "I'm sorry" over and over
Even if it doesn't bring us any closer
It doesn't matter if you don't talk to me
Just know I regret what I did and I'm sorry
Lupus- Feb 2020
I will try, not to cry, not to lie
I will do what I must
My heart won't turn to dust
To keep on living
No longer dying
I have to stand
Grab a hold of a hand
To not fall apart
And go back to the start
I will do my best
To finish this quest
To move on from this pain
Hoping to not go insane
I won't stop, I won't drop, I will reach the top
I'll learn from my mistakes
As long as it takes
I will grow in my own way
To survive another day
I pray to stay strong
For nothing to go wrong
To not deal with more fails
Live a life like in the fairy tales
When I reach success
I might forget I'm worthless
But until then I'll keep working
I'll make sure I keep moving
I will fight, to bring light, in my sight
I might give up, i may shut up
It may seem my life would end
But I will try, not to cry, not to lie again
Lupus- Feb 2020
There it is again, the red in my arm
Crying out red tears because of the harm
What's left after all this is a scar
A reminder of what has happened so far
People tell me it shouldn't be done
But yet there's always another one
Something always happens at the end
Bringing back my dear old friend
Either a line or a shape, but always a mark
Representing the misery visible even in the dark
A story behind each whenever it appears
Caused by my sorrow or any of my fears
The red in my arm, what I love and hate to see
The relief, the punishment both showing up to me
People think it's the idea of suicide
But really it's the tears I hold inside
I'm finally able to let go of my pain
Though from hurting myself what do I gain
It's my only way of escape
Whenever I lose my hope
Sometimes I regret my actions
My thoughts, my decisions
But it's the only way to make me feel better
The red in my arm makes me feel stronger
Lupus- Feb 2020
The mask I wear
To show I care
The mask I use
Whenever I lose
It's meant to help me pretend
To live and get farther from the end
To make everything seem to be fine
And not make it obvious that I'm running out of time
I don't want people to see what I hold inside
Wearing the mask is how everything would hide
To keep a smile and not start crying
Is how no one would find out that I'm dying
I don't need more people to think I'm useless
That I'm a good for nothing and only a mess
I wear the mask to forget my mistakes
Lying is all it takes
I wish I didn't have to do this every day
Not having to hide my feelings in any way
To show my face and not use the mask
Peace and no judgement is all I ask
I would rather have people see me as a joyful person
And not see my heart scarred and broken
If I could put away the true me
Then I'm willing to use the mask to hide my real identity
Lupus- Jan 2020
Was all this suffering worth it?
Was it best not to quit?
From my loved ones did I have to separate?
Do I still have to wait?
Is all this pain going to get me somewhere?
Would life end up being fair?
Do I have to keep on fighting?
Is there a reason to stop crying?
I came here to offer you a future
To give you a life more safer
I gave up everything else for you
To give you a change and something better to do
What kept me moving on
What caused my crying to be done
Was the idea of what you would be
Now tell me, are you going to take advantage of your opportunity?
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