Little Emma Rae
Out playing by the hay.
A sweet blonde baby girl.
A once clean sundress.
Her hair such a mess.
Mud covered legs and wiggling toes.
My sugar bear how my heart knows.
Trucks. Ponies.
Goats and Swine.
The girl with the wild heart, it mirrors mine.
A baby girl.
A little sister.
A tomgirl, a farm girl.
That Emma Bear is my girl.
Panda~

October 10, 1999
I lost a baby.
Mine.

A tragic noxious night.
It’s presence forever taunting.

For it is clear as is one sight.
A part of me died that night.

As my placenta fell to the floor, you were with me...
No more.
Panda~

Isolophilia ...
Silence,  seems so loud.
While candles flicker, rain drops float.
All around.
Dark clouds.
Dark clouds, in the night sky ... make you feel the arms of pain.
Sitting.
Only.
Yet, trying to embrace the rain
Panda~

Laugh.
Even when you wanna cry.
Smile.
Yes, it’s hard to say goodbye.
Gifts are those which my memory holds.
Warm breeze.
Sweet summer air.
The many days we did share.

A young love.
A magical space.
Gone.
To some other place.

Walks and talks consuming many hours.
Never stopped us from smelling the flowers.
Violets, roses, bluebells too..
But lilacs make me think of you.
Sweet soft fragrance and delicate to the touch.
Gosh. I miss you, so much.

Barefoot playing these silly two.
Had ways of pointing to say I love you.

Two young lovers wild and free.
Dancing in a bathroom, what an odd place to be.

These movies that play in my mind...
You Sir were one of a kind.

Do I cry when I think of you?
Yes.
At times I do.

Even though we all must die
It was you that taught me how to fly..
Panda~

Olivia Marie, a moonbeam.
She must be.
Sent straight from the stars to me.
A practically perfect twinkle, in a green eye does glow.
This tiny spirit brought with her all I need to know.
Sitting in the abyss, dark and lonely.
This delicate flower growing inside me only.
My speck of stardust to cherish and hold, from here only beauty will unfold.
Panda~

Help me figure out this paradox.
Trust, when I tell you it’s not simple case of chicken pox.
Embracing fear.
A lonely tear.
I put my trust in you.
You’ll find a pill, but will it make me ill...
Panda~

An angel.
I claim has fallen from the sky.
Will this angel just pass by?

Very peculiar ..
exceptionally neat.
I fancy kissing his feet.
A man I endeavor to keep.
His name ..
well it’s “just Pete”

Eyes that shine halos,
Beautiful tis true.
Colors they change..
though I know them to be blue.
I love him so much if he only knew.

The touch of this divine being,
Far more than just pleasing.
A passionate lover.
Not compared to any other!
The most ****** of sensations..
Impossible to explain the temptation.

Gentle and firm
Oh ****, he makes my whole body squirm.

Hands.
Hands as soft as flowers
Don’t underestimate their powers.
This angel,  just Pete.
He heals souls all his hours.

To me he is flawless.
I pray.
That I have not lost this.

My heart it bleeds
And he satisfied every need.
I was mean, I was cruel ..
Why was it hard to follow silly rules.

I love this man dearly
How he feels about me..
Well how should he really.

Isolophobia
Starting over one more time..
Will the thought of you ever leave my mind?
The relationship scintillating as the sun
I truly thought had just begun.
Every touch I was all aquiver.
The first touch even, you yourself said I was like a river.
A love I found in you..
Please believe that much is true!
I’ve never felt this way I do with you.
My heart bleeds the darkest blue.
Will this be a satisfying denouement
Only you know kind Sir, I called Papa. .