i don’t look
like i’m crying
when i cry.
i’d rather die
than have to try
to explain it.
i’m not worth
most of the compliments
i receive.
the people around me
say too much
without talking
and for me
it’s the opposite
and i can’t seem
to get the right words out
so i keep blubbering on
about how
nobody will ever love me
when they have
but too fast
they fall away
like they were never there
from the start.
i am lost in myself.
chained down
to me.
and i think
i’m ready to be freed.
but that’s a journey
i will be making
by myself
because self love
is so evident
to an onlooker.
and i want to be seen
with it on.

Yes,
My eyes are brown
Richer than the sea.
Yes,
My eyes are brown
The color
Of coffee beans.
Yes,
My eyes are brown
And if there’s nothing I can do
To take your breath away
That’s alright.
Because yes,
I have the eyes
Of a lover
Not a fighter
And I intend
To keep them this way.

Nothing here to see
Just you and me
Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Loving and fronting
Just you and me
High on life
Up in the trees

She’s the type of person
Who has the ability
To change a girl
From perfectly straight
To nothing
But wavy lines

When you’re sad
It’s as if
Everything is too bright
And nobody understands
Who you are
Or where you came from
Even if they’re the ones
You’re coming from.
You feel trapped
In yourself
In what you are expected to be
Seeing your flaws laid out
On a map
Tracing the route
From where you are
To where you wish you
Could be
But maybe
I would be happy with me
If I would stop
Speaking without saying anything
And talking without being heard.

You know
You’re in trouble
When the silence
In a room
Is louder
Than the static

87.
Once
I went
To an old folks home
Breathing in
The smell of
Death
Breathing out
Grey air
Wisps of smoke
Puffing out
Until they’re not really quite there
Anymore

One of the
Best compliments
I have ever recieved was
“I could write a book about you”

I fell asleep last night
Wearing nothing
But a face mask

Things happen.
The past
Is the past
And there
It will stay.

That baby in the womb
Will grow and flourish
Just to come out
To a world
Full of so many things
Good and bad
The bad being the worst
And the good being the beautiful
They will grow into the people
They will be
They will be influenced
By every single person they see
Shaping themselves into
The future of our tomorrow

Everyone
Always leaves
In the end
Whether it’s on their own terms
Or not

When you left
The world didn’t end.
But mine did.

Who am I to be
Without you
Being me?

My emotions are
Eating at me. And
They
Are hungry.

You were you
And I was I
And we
Were perfect
Until you decided we weren’t
Or maybe
It wasn’t you
Maybe
It was societies view
Of what is and
What is not
Right

Let’s be happy
You said
But the confines
Of my worries
Distracted me
Into something
A little less than happy
And a little more
Of not quite something else
I was
Pulling myself down
In the chains
Of my thoughts
Confined
To the chains
Of my brain
Feeling everything
To the extreme

You smell
Like the rest of my life

I need him
In the ways
The grass needs the rain
And the plants need the sun
And the sky to be blue
All I want
Is to feel him
His body
Intertwined with mine
Moving with me
In a dance that
I could do
From memory
Again and again
Until it’s all I think about
The only thing
In repeat
On my mind
The feeling
I get
When I’m with him
And he’s with me
And all is right
Because I have
The world

Who am I to say
What I feel
After all, I’m just a girl
Trying to live in a harsh world
Seeming like people
Are dying to hurt her
And never knowing who’s on my side

The way he looks at her.
And the way she looks at him.
Magic.

Nothing
Is as pretty
As it used to be
When I was in love with you
And you were in love with me
The trees look a duller green
The flowers look
A sadder grey
And I do not feel myself
Now that you’ve gone away

There was a boy
One who made me smile
One that I could see my future in
One that I loved to the
End of the earth and back
But that wasn’t enough for him
I wasn’t enough for him
And now he’s gone
Because he didn’t understand my feelings
And why I felt them
He didn’t understand my thoughts
Or why I thought them
He didn’t understand
The real me
Maybe if he’d seen
He would feel differently
But I highly doubt that

Once
I was kissed
By a boy
Who said he loved me
He lied.

The ever so gentle caress of a lovers lips
The hitch of my breath as your fingers trail
Down
Down
Down
The pressure of wanting present
In your fingertips
Feeling the love
The euphoria
When I’m with you
And knowing you’re with me too

I had choices
Yet I still chose you
But you left me with a broken heart
Feeling blue
My tears spilling on the floor
Stuck
In the bittersweet memories
Of what we used to be
The things you would say
To appease my hunger for love
You satisfied my thirst
With words you never meant
And never planned on meaning
You say you want me
In the ways I want you
You say you want a big house
And a lovely wedding
9 kids too
All the things we planned out
And yet you still
Say you’re busy
And you’re sorry
Without saying what you mean
What you mean
Is that you’re sorry
I feel this way
About words that were made to upset me
I know I’m fragile
So you should
Have to accommodate
Instead of trampling over them
Like my words mean nothing
And my heart is made for stomping on
And my eyes were made for crying
Rivers of tears
All because
One day you made me feel blue
And it just escalated to the point
That I could never imagine myself
With anyone other than you
So in the dark of night
When I’m remembering what used to be
And crying over you and me
And all the memories we share
That were just left in the open air
Because you broke my heart
And walked away
As if I meant nothing from the start

All the laughs
And the jokes
And the smiles
Are all a blanket
Hiding my hurting
And my feelings
And my tears
Easily covered up
Not letting anyone see
That they really don’t know
The real me
Because I hide
And I cry
And I let no one see
All the hurt in my head
And the heaviness in my heart
And the sinking feeling I get
When I realize
No one needs me

If I am I
And you are you
What does that make us?

The girl who was never anyone’s favorite
The one who was always
Second best
If not third
And spent every day
Vying for attention
In hopes
That maybe
Just maybe
She’ll be someone’s
Someone

I was not born
To be only
Your bored

You say, “I love you”
But talk is cheap and words mean nothing
When the person speaking them
Just talks to talk and never to listen
When your heart swells and theirs doesn’t
So they break it
With the sound of dust
Spilling out onto the floor
With no one to clean it up
Because the only person who can
Is the person doing the breaking
And no matter how hard she tries
It just doesn’t fit right
And it just all falls apart again
And now she’s scared to let anyone in
Just because someone thought
That it would be a good idea to say
I love you
And not to mean it
And to mess around with things they don’t understand
Like a little girls feelings
From a far distant land
To make her feel things she has never before
And to have her heart cracked
And crushed to dust
Just because someone thought it was a good idea
To say I love you before they meant it

If you want my lips
Take them
If you want my hair
Cut it
If you want my heart
Steal it
I’d do anything
Give anything
To make you love me
The way I love you
And if you say you want me too
I’ll be the happiest girl of them all
But only if you mean what you say
And say what you mean
Will I not get upset
Over the simplest of things
Like locks of hair
And diamond rings
Like stolen hearts
And broken wings
You make me feel so much
It hurts
You say you love me
And leave me be
When in reality
All I want is you
To be with me too

If you left
I would be in a muddle
For more than a month
Full of feelings
You’d never understand
A sad broken girl
With sad broken wings
But you won’t leave
Right?

You left.
It’s been more than a month
And I am still in a muddle
Full of feelings
You’ll never understand
Because you didn’t give me
The time it took to share them
You left me a sad broken girl
With sad broken wings
But you promised you wouldn’t leave
Right?

If he wants you
He’ll text you back
He’ll text you back
If he wants you
She repeats in her head
As if she doesn’t know
How little he cares
As if he doesn’t know
How much she does
Everyday
She sits in wait
For texts never typed
And feelings never
Reciprocated
And a person

Who was never there

A bent and broken girl
Torn to shreds
Because the boy who was bothered
By her over excessive worrying
And her compulsiveness
And her feelings
Fearing her dragging him down too
So then they’ll both be blue
And she won’t be alone
In her sadness
But no
She will not allow him
To drag himself further
Than reached before
For her type of sadness
Spanned deeper than his deepest chasm
And her heart
Felt so many things
It could burst into flames
At any given moment
Her butterflies
Flapping around
Tickling her tummy
And filling her with worry
Of things yet to come