I miss them
That is all
I just want the opportunity
To be their father

She twists my words
Confuses my focus
Belittles my strength
And diffuses my light

She tells them things
That we have spoken of
Adult conversation
Fed to children

It is killing me.

This loneliness
Has teeth and wings and muscle
It compresses and crushes
Filters and flushes.

I hope time heals this
I assume it will
Just flatten the line with poisons divine
When they arrive, ensure you're alive.

Brittle strength
Patient haste
Take a photo
Of your face
It will age
And you will forget
Who you were
And what we meant.

Conversation
Bounces around erratic
We still laugh
We still understand
No matter
How we live
Or how unclean
Our house is.

You are my friend
And I don't care
How much money you make
Or what you have saved
As long as the handshake
Is as solid as it was back then.

I never know what to write
Confronting the blank page
Many thoughts dance and swirl
I could write what I think, or what I feel.

It's up to me.

The freedom imprisons me
Locked up in my own wings...

Sometimes...

I just don't know what to write.

There are so many angles
So many feelings
So many thoughts
Just being an average human...

But if I write it to let it out
To inspire or perhaps incite
What right or wrong will be achieved
I'll just charge my phone goodnight.

Love is no longer an issue.

Now, others things must take precedence.

This is the go...

I left a destructive relationship,
I started again, and I chose wisely,
But, my children, left to go wild
Somehow, still love me.

Now, I reside in a household of 9
A broken family, we are the ties
We cook and clean and tend to them
We expect money for bills and rent.
Common areas are tidied
The dog is fed
We got them all jobs
To expose them to the cruelty of life.
Kids from 25 to 14
We have set them on a path
And we are there, to guide and confide
As long as they use their manners.

But, I left 3 behind...
It burns my heart and soul
As they are left to their own devices
Without me to shield from the cold.
So, with my love, we have a plan
To build a home for all
For freedom and growth and mistakes
To learn from and evolve.

It pains me, but, this is life
It is cold, and mean and unforgiving
Time will tell if these wounds heal
And this, is the point of living.

With ruthless adoration
And violent embrace
You will be loved
You have no choice.

My curious insanity
Will make heads tilt
Hate will be spilt
To make room for affection.

Silly womble
No need to be troubled.

Explosive caress
Wings in full bloom
Right now is the reason
Never soon.

Soar and scream
Life and dream
Will finally entwine
With our life combined.

Remember when
Early days
We'd speak for hours
On the way to work,
In carparks
And places
We'd never been together.
I moved and moved
And showed you it all
I left my children
To escape to the hills,
My failing relationship
Had such a wrath
You deflected the pain
That I couldn't grasp.
At the airport, I saw you
Our very second kiss
We retreated together
Eggs benny and *****.
I went to where the sun always shines
Met your fatherless family
As broken as mine
I introduced myself with embrace,
You came to me
And I fell for you
Perhaps we were rushing
Perhaps it didn't matter.
Half a heart
Announced my love
Allow the flood gates to open
We can say it whenever we like,
And we did, we said "I love you"
After every conversation
Sometimes in the middle
And we meant it.
I dropped a knee
I vaguely recollect
But, I wrote it down
And these words, you collect,
So, we were engaged
Rings exchanged
Lock in a date
Send out invitations.
Leave all you know
Pack up your home
Prepare the kids for change
They just went with the flow,
Move to the desert
Save all out coin
To spend it all
To be together.
Organise dresses, photographers
Meals, venues, drinks
Hire suits, write speeches
Cut out leaves into hearts,
Say our vows, entwine families
Lock in this person
I will love eternally
Forever more.

And here we are...

Married, together, your kids
In the desert
Trying to help them
Support their lifestyles,
Working to keep our heads above water
Paying off our wedding
It is a fickle affair
And, we are just getting started.
There is so much to come
It is difficult and we are worn thin
Tonight, you are silent
So, I let you sleep alone,
You'll probably text me tomorrow
With apologies and such
But, I missed you tonight
No love lost.

Remember when?

This life
This ******* life
I made this nest of ****
Curl up kid.

Agressor push the placid away
Mixed emotion, let them sway
I have come to play and die
Nearly done playing...

Too much time between drinks
Failing at trying to try
Just wake up at five
Go to work.

Inch thick mask
Eroding and revealing
Angry eyes and heated speak
The cracks are beginning to show.

I don't want to clean up
After lazy fools that I don't know
Their **** is their own
In my way.

Lose sleep, try to keep
A solemn smile, keep it sincere
A new internal personal fear
This was all, perhaps, a terrible mistake.

Decisions of the heart
No consultation with the mind
May be my undoing
May hasten this slow suicide.

Just set the alarm
Wake up at five
Contine the charade
I am alive.