Gettn older
Eyes take longer to focus
Rust between knees
Cobwebs muster in my mind
Patience thins
Years seems quicker
The habits I still have
Are full blown addictions
Bones once tender
Now withered and chalk
Time is now an issue
And is fleeting
Crows feet smile
Plastic teeth
Still a child inside
But the outer is fragile and weak
Awake to an aching spine
Short of breath
I just need a minute
But I am running out if time.

Gettn older.

Tainted perspective
Mother led you astray
With her venomous games
You had no choice but to play.

I often wonder, how you are.

An unanswered phone call
No reply to text
Silence  hurts more
Than any verbal flex.

I often wonder, if you're ok.

She has what she wants
To manifest her prediction
Just so she can say
She was right.

I often wonder, who you are.

She has taken all my money
To try to break me
But, the love in my heart
Makes me the richest man alive.

I often wonder, if you're still my daughter.

I can only bide my time
In hope you will see through the lies
Which you had no choice but to believe
You'll understand why I had to leave.

I often wonder, if I'll see you again.

Fickle little feelings
Celebrate the decline
Of this roller-coaster
Called life.
Muster the motivation
To sew these open wounds
Rather than sprinkle band-aids
On limbs lost from decisions made.
This simple man
Lost in the light of his phone
Back to back cigarettes
Feet up, in his quiet spot.

This is what he prefers.

The silence is his company
Loneliness, his strength
Masked in jokes and one-liners
Painted as per scenario.
Lost all time
To evolve passions
Only addictions
Get the time of day.

Puff puff pass.

They all want his focus
Leech off of reputation
Which is tinted at best
**** in his nest.
If only he could focus
If only for a while
He could celebrate his victories
And share his smile.

Vent or implode.

His muse beside him always
Even in restless sleep
To share and adore and dote
On passions and poisons.
She will push his eclectic
She will drive his esoteric
Of the roller-coaster
Called life.

What has he done?
Fell out of love with your Mum
Met another one
Remarried.

You listened to her woes
She said more than she should've
You took her angst
You made it your own.

So, you left him
While your brothers did not
You left him
To rot.

He tried
To give you the space he thought you wanted
But, as time passed
You made a decision not to love him.

So now, it is awkward
Tears well when we say goodbye
Because we never said
What was on our mind.

Will it ever change?
Or is this how it is?
Forever ever?
I cannot live like this.

I miss you,
I hope you miss me too.

The hardest thing I ever did
Was tell your mum,

I don't love her anymore.

I'm so sorry
That it has turned out this way
I desperately hope
It won't be forever ever.

This time of year
Close to Christmas
Thoughts of family
Flood the lonely mind,
The twisted complexities
Which attaches us
To one another...
We are bound.

Whether you like it or not
We are bound.

*** holes.